Fireworks

45

"Come on, if you won't tell me what you have against Hoffman, you can at least tell me why you don't want to come."

I rub my temples against the oncoming headache. "I have nothing against Hoffman, I just don't know him that well yet," I repeat patiently for the fourth time since we sat down for lunch and Arlo's brought up Hoffman's party tomorrow.

"Obviously either something happened between you two I don't know about, or you just don't like him. Which is fine, I just wish you'd tell me," he says around a mouthful of cashews.

I gnaw on my lip. "Arlo, you know I'm not one for parties. Maybe I can just bring him a birthday gift another day?"

Arlo grabs my wrists and gently moves my hands away from my face. He observes me carefully, and he says, "Are you alright? You seem tired."

I immediately straighten, trying to compose myself. "Of course, all good. Just thinking."

I am tired. I hadn't been sleeping very well recently. After Monse had left me with that cryptic statement, I'd gone home with my mind reeling, only to find my dad waiting for me at the table. It was the first time we'd really seen each other for more than a few minutes since I'd moved in, so I knew it was intentional. 

He said that Mom was going to try to list the house.

Obviously, I'd freaked out. Colton still had stuff there. All of my memories of Colton are from that house. I grew up in that house.

I'm not an extremely sentimental person, but it automatically set me on edge. Plus, where was mom going to go? Dad told me that she was thinking of moving up to Phoenix.

That was three days ago, and I haven't really had a full night's sleep since then. I found myself spacing out when Isa or Cecily tried to talk to me at the nightly volunteer sessions, and it took me impossibly long to get through mundane tasks like washing dishes or even reading.

Arlo clearly isn't buying my excuse, but lets my wrists go. "Are you sure there's nothing going on?"

I nod. "Yeah, I'm sure. Sorry. I'm also sorry about Hoffman's party, but I really don't think it's a good idea for me to go." I say apologetically, though I can't bring myself to feel too bad. I still really like Hoffman. However, he was still clearly suspicious of me. Ever since the night of my recital he's been that way.

Arlo narrows his eyes and says, "I'm probably mean for not dropping this, but just now, the way you worded that makes me think that there's a problem specifically between you and Hoffman. You'd tell me if he's said anything to make you uncomfortable, right? I know he can be intense at times."

I smile reassuringly and cup his cheek, looking him in the eyes. I study his expression for a moment. His eyes are curious but also concerned. I know he's had conversations with Hoffman in defense of our relationship, but for some reason, it made me nervous to admit I'd heard them talking about it that one time. It's obvious Arlo's trying to hide just how badly he wants me to go to the party. It's not often he gets a day off, and the next one he'll have is on the day that we return to the fireworks tent to disassemble it at the end of the month.

His earnest eyes bore into my own.

"If it means that much to you, I'll come." I relent.

His gaze narrows in suspicion and he says, "I don't want you to come if you don't want to. I just want to know why you're uncomfortable with it."

I shake my head, releasing his face. "I'm not uncomfortable with it, so I'll go with you. Problem solved."

I feel his stare on me for a prolonged moment after that, but he just slowly says, "Okay, then. If you're sure."

I feel like a massively selfish idiot for behaving this way, but I don't want to worry Arlo with any of this stuff right now. I'll tell him about the stuff with my parents

After that, the conversation moves on to lighter topics, and I'm able to laugh for the thirty minutes I get with him.

Not seeing him for longer than a couple of hours at a time is killing me. I feel like we're missing our chance to get as close as possible before he has to leave for Princeton, but every time the thought comes to me, I feel like a jerk. He needs to work to afford rent, tuition, and food. I shouldn't be so insensitive about his work schedule.

"Hey Hadlee?" he eventually asks, turning the radio down a little. He looks at me with sincerity I wasn't expecting since we've been talking about whales for the past five minutes.

"Yeah," I ask cautiously.

He laces his fingers through mine and says, "I want you to know that I appreciate you coming to spend lunch with me every day. A lot. It may not mean as much to you as it does to me, but seeing you in the middle of my day is nice. For a year straight, up until I started working at the tent this summer, I'd come to work for 13 hours straight without really talking to anyone. Then I'd go home to an empty apartment. Sometimes Gabe or Hoffman would show up or take me out, but most of the time I was alone. And I guess I didn't realize it at the time, but since you've shown up I've realized that I was really fucking lonely."

My heart breaks at the admission. Arlo's had a really tough hand dealt to him, and knowing that he's never had someone to attempt to take care of him is upsetting.

I scoot closer to him, moving Tupperware containers out of the way, and give him a gentle kiss. It's the first time I've been the one to initiate a kiss since our very first one.

When I pull away, I say, "I should be the one thanking you for letting me spend time with you. You deserve the world." We hold each other's eyes, and I can see the emotion swimming in his. Rarely is he so transparent with anyone. "I know it sucks that we'll be so far apart, but I'm glad that you get to go to school soon. You've worked harder than anyone I know, and you're going to change the world. I'm proud to be yours."

He's the one to kiss me this time, and it says everything that words can't convey. Appreciation, adoration, maybe even love.

Things have been so perfect with Arlo, too perfect.

I should have known better than to hope it would last all summer.