Fireworks

52

Is there a time you could talk soon?

I stare at the text I had just sent Arlo, waiting anxiously for his response as I pace my room.

It's been two days since my mom has been released from the hospital. They prescribed a low gluten diet to help her heal faster, and she has some meds to take every day. I was planning on moving back to the house to stay with her, but she sat down with me and had a serious conversation.

She admitted that Colton's death wrecked her and that the denial and anger she's been living in for the past 268 days has made her into a different person. She decided to go on a grief-centered mental health retreat in Alaska. I was worried for her to be on her own, but she assured me that she wasn't going to do anything stupid, and told me that a therapist was coming to escort her on her way as well.

So I'm at my dad's.

We had a brief talk about everything that happened. I apologized for not having my phone on. I still feel guilty and like the worst daughter of all time, even though he said it was okay. He apologized for getting upset and drinking and then not checking in on me for the four days I stayed at the hospital.

Now things are supposed to be back to 'normal', but my mind is still reeling from everything that had happened in such a short span of time. The trial was in 6 days. I didn't know if I would have the bravery to go yet.

But what I do have the bravery to do is break up with Arlo.

Isa asked me to hang out this morning, and I had said yes since Arlo requested I didn't come to see him at his job site today so I could stay home and catch up on sleep and rest. I didn't feel like being home, and I didn't have the heart to tell him.

When I had shown up at her house, she took one look at me and gave a long whistle. "What the hell happened to you?"

I couldn't help but laugh, and it felt good. The closest to normal things had been for a while, at least.

I told her the vague details of my week, and she listened intently. All of my family drama was starting to get too much, so I asked her for advice on my Arlo predicament.

"Why are you trying to fix something that ain't broke?" she asked, wrinkling her nose. "You're both way too mature and caring for your own good, you make time for each other, you're sickeningly perfect. What the hell would you break up with him for?"

I gnawed the skin off my lip. "Summer is going to end before we know it, and I don't want to get even more attached to him and then have distance ruin our relationship. He shouldn't be held down by a high school girl when he's out trying to live a life in college. Long-distance relationships are hard, and I'm trying to be realistic. It will be my own fault if anyone gets hurt."

Isa rolled her eyes and said, "You think too hard. He's happy with you. Why destroy that? It's simple, and you're making it rocket science. Boy like girl. Girl like boy. Boy and girl be together. The end."

When I didn't laugh, she realized that I was being serious. "For real, Isa. It's getting to the point where I think..." I try not to gulp too noticeably. "I think I love him. I don't know if he feels the same way, but things on my side are insanely amplified. When we agreed to this, we only said that we were going to get to know each other for the summer. This isn't that. This is much more than that, and I'm freaking out."

She frowns and seems to ponder everything for a moment. She doesn't squeal or jump up and down at my admission, thankfully. She just thinks.

"Well," she starts. "I can tell how much you like him, and I know how much he likes you. You're good for each other. But you're right, distance is hard, and there's a lot of life to be lived that's waiting for him at Princeton. I won't lie and say you're meant to be together, I really don't know if I even buy into any of that crap. But there's always a chance you could make it work."