IN MY DREAMS [A POE DAMERON X READER STORY] [BOOKS 1-3]

chapter sixteen

Being reunited with your family was a hope that was so far away from your mind. You never thought that it would happen, but now that you were back where you could remember growing up, with the mother that you could remember now braiding your hair, playing with you in the meadow, holding you while you cried in the night... you had never felt more lost.

Your mother was broken. You could sense the heartache within her. But you were broken, too. You hadn't only witnessed the murder of your father, but you had felt it. You had felt Ben's turn completely towards the dark, his anger, his hate... and meanwhile, your father's love. Perfectly covering his son even when his life slipped away.

It played in your head again and again. The happiness of seeing you again fading from his eyes as his heart stopped beating. The touch of his rough hand on your cheek before he fell still. The feel of losing him in your arms after you had just gotten him back. The pain of the sobs in your chest, the pressure of loss, and the betrayal of your brother."Papa! Papa, no! Please don't leave me. I--- Papa!"

There was no relief from memories. It seemed like no matter how many As you leaned against the wall, arms crossed over your chest, Poe approached. "You know, I can still remember the festival all those years ago. When they were honoring my mom... I just wanted to disappear. I was so sad and I felt like my dad and I just weren't allowed to move on. We lost Mom and it sucked so bad --- and no one was allowed to forget. Especially us."

"I know it was hard on you," you murmured. Now you understood his pain perfectly. The agony of losing a parent was unbearable. It haunted you. All you could see was his face and the broken face of your mother.

"It was," he said. "But I remember looking up. It was so sunny and I couldn't see and I wanted to cry... but then I saw you. Through the sunlight, through the crowd. You were pushing your way to the front, looking up at me. I can still remember your smile. You never let me feel alone."

"You weren't alone," you said.

"And neither are you." Staring at you, his hand moved to your arm. You dropped your hand to your side and he slipped his fingers in the spaces between yours. It sealed the promise. "You're not alone."

"Thank you," you whispered. You felt eight years old again, holding hands with your best friend. You took a step closer and laid your head on his shoulder. "I don't know where I would be without you."

"You don't have to think about that," he breathed. Even Poe knew that if it weren't for him choosing to rescue you last year, you would still be living in the First Order, brainwashed and afraid. But now you were safer than you had been in a while, with a family willing to protect you. "Just think about this."

How could you not think about this? He was holding your hand and looking down at your face, and you wondered if he thought about this the same way you did.

Across the room, your mother's pained expression brought you back to reality. She must've known that you were longing for her the way a child would; she turned and offered you a gentle, motherly smile. Your eyebrows crinkled with concern and she shook her head slightly. A mother would reassure her child, not let them comfort her, and Leia wasn't about to let her daughter comfort her in a time of sorrow. She watched you and Poe, quietly noting everything about you that looked like Han and silently wishing she was as young and at Han's side, holding his hand, her head against his shoulder.

She could remember those days like they were yesterday. Sitting in the Falcon, gripping Han's hand tightly in her own, feeling more like a princess sitting by his side than ever before. When the war was done and over, it was only a matter of time before Ben was on his way into the world. His arrival brought so much joy. It seemed like hardly any time at all had passed when you came into the world, too. Her starlight. Her mini-me. A princess without a kingdom.

Her family was perfect, if only for a few years. Han had never been one for settling down, no matter how hard he tried. Smuggling wasn't an easy habit of his to drop. He never chose it over his children, though. He always tried to be the best father he could be.

And now it broke Leia's heart, knowing that you would never have a real relationship with your father. She knew you were lost and hurting. Perk up, my stardust, she wanted to say. Through this grief, you will rise.

She was watching as Poe turned his head and pressed his lips to the top of your head. It warmed her heart, seeing a true reflection of her and the love of her life in you and Poe. In Poe, she could see herself. He was a headstrong pilot that carried her the spirit of resistance. In a way, he carried her legacy of being an Organa. Through the loss of her children, he had risen up and found a place in her heart. In you, she could see both you and your father. You would carry the Solo legacy. And in the scavenger girl, Rey, who gazed on her with a look so similar to Leia's own daughter... was the spirit of a Skywalker. 

Although the pain inside of her was great, hope prevailed. Just as it always did.