Family, Love, And Friendship

Life Within The Gang

It’s been 3 days since I was taken from my family and brought here, so far it hasn’t been too horrible, it’s tolerable for now at least. All there is so far is annoying inappropriate touches while  I’m around the other gang members, nothing serious, just quick moves, it’s been more of a learn  the layout of the place, and the different members, so I know where to go when called on, and who  to go to. I’ve also learned that the leader’s gang name is Snake, and his Main man/bodyguard is  Leo when calm, he doesn’t come off as terrifying, just intimidating, which I guess should be  expected, however when angry his aura becomes so cold, it’s like he himself is the cold wind chill  in a bad blizzard, and you can feel the bloodlust radiating off him, thankfully so far he’s only been  upset at other members, not at me, I’ve simply been in the area when it happened. The part I’m  scared of most is not Snake, Leo or any of the members, bit instead a specific room, it’s full of  gear, whips, chains, rope, guns, tasers, collars, and gags, and wall upon wall of adult toys, they  have a mattress on the floor, it has blood stains all over it, they have areas where they can secure  you directly to the wall, floor, or hang you by your wrists from the ceiling, while they hurt you in  horrifyingly revolting ways. The room is soundproof, and heavily secured, meaning if you are in  there you can’t get out, and no one except those in the room with you would be able to hear your  screams, that’s the part that to me is the most horrifying. If I ever get called in there, chills run  down my spine at the mere thought of it. I know because I was brought in there when I 1st got  here, so I’d know it was there, and Leo warned me that if I ever misbehaved, that I’d be brought in  here and punished until I lose consciousness 6 times, it would continue until then, only stopping  until I wake up again. I asked him why he worked for Snake, he simply told me he owed Snake  his life, his aura went cold so I didn’t ask any further. He continued the tour, then when finished  put me in my new room, and left locking the door behind him, I heard him tell 2 members outside  to keep guard, if I escape then it will be their heads on a platter, not his. After getting a confirmation he left I could hear his footsteps. He looked so young, yet if I were to guess maybe 25-26 years old. Snake on the other hand, I have no idea with his face full of tattoos and piercings, his body was all muscle and covered in black ink tattoos. Leo on the other hand, only seemed to have tattoos on his arms, which were complete muscle. Everyone in this gang wore all black. Leo a tank top, and torn black pants with gold chain hanging from his waist, a gun holstered on his right hip. Snake wore a Black suit over a Black t-shirt, and lot of gold chains around his neck, when he smiled it sent chills down your spine, and caused you to freeze in place unable to speak against him, he was missing teeth which had been replaced with gold ones, the large scar across his left eye was clearly visible, yet he still opened the eye, and it was red, it looked almost fake red, but it was red. He’d kept it closed when he was in my home, and never showed his teeth, but seeing him in his element like this, my whole body feels ice cold and it’s hard to breathe, what will this man do to me once my learning period is up?!!! I hate pain like everyone else I know, I’m aware that there are people who enjoy pain, or even take pleasure in it, but I’m not 1 of them. Leo told me my learning period lasts 1 week, so I have only 4 more days before they get to actually start using me. The fear and anxiety I can feel rising in my stomach, god I feel sick, why did Al have to get in trouble with these guys?!! I know I didn’t have to get involved, but I couldn’t let them hurt Kei, or my family. “Ezrin” “Yes Master Snake?” “Come with me” “yes sir” I follow Snake to a certain room, this, this is his room, but why? “lay down on the bed” after hearing him say that my mind and body freezes in fear. I know what that means, but I don’t want to accept it. I just stare at the bed. He doesn't get mad but instead just laughs “it’s your 1st time isn't it?” it’s true this is my 1st time but I, I’m about to be forced to face the 1 thing I absolutely loathe about myself, head on, something no one else knows about me, because I’ve always kept it a deep secret, so much so, that to me, if it was discovered it would be the death of me both metaphorically but also literally, because I’d be too ashamed to continue living with it known to others, even if they do accept me for it. I’m stuck frozen, still staring at the bed. Snake comes over after seeing me still frozen, getting impatient. He grabs me by the left arm and throws me onto the bed, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I hate this, I don’t want this, it’s wrong, it’s disgusting, I can only tell myself this, but I know deep down, while I don’t want this to happen and hate that this is happening the way it is, I don’t hate the concept itself, because I, I’m gay, I like guys, so while I hate that he is doing this the way he is, I don’t hate the idea of 2 guys in bed enjoying themselves. “I… I.. ok, but please be gentle, because yes it is my 1st time” “hahaha, you’re gay aren’t you, that’s why you’re letting me do this without going crazy, trying to fight me to avoid it” I look away to the side, now on my back, I hate this, but it’s a part of me I’ve known about since I was little, and the less I resist the easier he will go on me I hope, because it’s letting him do what he wants, and won’t anger him, do this for survival, this is what I tell myself, to the part of me that Can’t, no Won’t, accept that I’m gay. I don’t answer his question, he walks over to the closet and pulls out a fabric bag, and sets it on the foot of the bed, then closes the closet door, the bedroom door already locked. He then pulls out pieces of rope, and the necessities to have intercourse, condoms and lube. He brings some of the rope to my hands and ties them together, then to the bed over my head. I close my eyes, fear creeping up. I try to pull my hands away. “Please, can we not use the rope this time, Please?” I beg him not to use the rope, he looks at me then to my hands which are now trembling, he just smirks, and goes to the foot of the bead to tie my feet. I start to seriously struggle not in defiance, but from fear, he looks angry. I'm breathing heavily and tears are flooding my eyes, “Please...Please no rope this time, Please!!!!” he looks at me for a second, then ignores me, realizing I’m struggling in fear not defiance. He just continues I finally give up, when he finishes tying me up, and pulling my clothes to my ankles and off then behind my head, he’d simply pulled my head out of the hole then placed it behind my head, my arms were still in the holes. I just gave up and surrendered myself to him, there was nothing I could do right now except endure. I looked to the right, outside the window at the trees, and the water faintly visible behind them, as I prayed for it to end soon. I’d told him to be gentle, but he wasn’t, it hurt so much, I wanted nothing more than to die or black out and sleep, just so I didn’t have to feel it happening. I could smell his sweat, and hear the sound of his grunts and moans as he violated me for hours. I bit my lips and clenched my teeth to endure the pain, and not cry out in agony. The tears pouring from my eyes were evidence of my agony, it hurt too much for me to feel anything else. By the end I could smell iron, I knew why, when he finished with me he got up, gathered and readjusted himself, then left, closing the door behind him, leaving me still tied to the bed sobbing, and in agony. Leo came not long after and untied me, I curled up in a ball and just cried, he left after untying me, giving me privacy until I calmed down and went quiet, by that point I was quiet because I was numb emotionally, I could still feel the pain where I’d been violated all to clearly. Leo came back, and picked me up, carrying me back to my room wrapped in a blanket he’d brought. He placed me back on my bed. “take your  time to collect yourself then get cleaned up and join us for supper if you’d like food tonight”  “yes sir” my voice was so quiet it was more like a whisper, the only thing that crossed my mind as he left is that I wanted to go home, all this just made me hate myself even more than I already do, I consented at 1st but when he ignored my pleas to not use the rope and be gentle he lost that consent. The only things that were slight reliefs while he hurt me, were that he couldn’t go forever, and that he used condoms, so that if he has anything, and let’s face it he probably does, I am much less likely to get any of what he probably has. I lay here a few more minutes, then try and get up but the pain immediately immobilizes me once again. I take deep breaths and try again, I’m starving, I focus on the hunger to give me the strength to get up, my legs give and I collapse to the floor, so I use my arms and drag myself to the attached bathroom, it takes all my strength to clean myself up, and by the time I’m finished I’m exhausted in every way, but focusing on the hunger, and the need to survive, while using sheer willpower I make it downstairs, and drag myself to the eating area, both Leo and Snake look at me in shock for a few seconds after seeing me use my upper body strength to lift my limp lower body onto the long bench seat like a picnic table. I’m given my portion and start eating. Starving, but forcefully slowing myself down to savor every bite. When finished my spot is cleared, and I sit there mentally preparing myself for the struggle that will be getting back to my room upstairs, and into bed, but to my surprise Leo comes over and pulls me into his arms, he carries me upstairs and back to my room, he drops me into my bed then leaves, closing the door behind him. it takes me a few moments to fully register what just  happened. My room is now pitch black with the light off, and no window, I slowly fall asleep as the events of earlier tried to keep me awake, but the exhaustion in my body took over. The next morning I wake up like normal in my room here, that is until the pain hits me, and I’m reminded of yesterday, and last night. I stare at the ceiling for a while, until Leo shows up “Snake wants  you” “understood” I try and get up but my legs give out again, and I fall to the floor “ow, ow, owww” I laid there as the pain flooded my system once again, I try again but just fall back down before I can even get up on 1 leg. Leo is just quietly watching me struggle to get to my feet. I look around for something I can use my upper body to prop myself up on, to get to my feet, then I see a chair and the side table next to my bed, I drag myself to the chair then drag it next to the table, just enough to get my hands on top, I then use my arms to lift myself up to my knees, then I use the table and bed to hold myself up long enough to get my feet beneath me, I slowly put more and more of my weight on my legs, they hold me up slightly, I reach out my hand to Leo who catches on that I need a hand. He comes over and grabs my right arm, then wraps it around his neck and shoulders, he walks holding me up as I try to as well, he practically carried me down the stairs. When we got to Snake Leo removed my arm and I dropped to the floor like a ragdoll on my hands and knees, I look back up at him and silently thanked him, before turning to look at Snake his red eye still terrifies me, even more so now than before. “you asked for me Master Snake” “I was shocked to see you at supper last night, I thought for sure after the pounding you received, you wouldn’t be able to” “if I hadn’t been starving, I wouldn’t have. I used sheer willpower, and the need to eat because I was starving,” “ah I see” “you have 3 days left in your learning period then any and all of my boys can have you, and do whatever they want, just thought I should warn you”  “understood thank you Master Snake” “since you’re here, why don’t I introduce you to some of the ways my boys can play with you, Afterall I was extremely gentle with you last night” I  wanted so badly to refute him because he wasn’t gentle at all, I was bleeding by the time he finished with me. but I don’t because I know it won’t end well, especially while I’m in this condition. “Leo, help him will you? Hahaha” Leo picks me up the same way as before, and we  head to THAT room. “the boys aren’t allowed to have toys in their rooms, so every time they need  some help it will either be in here, or another part of this place, the only people allowed toys in  their rooms are me or course, and Leo, a special privilege of being my bodyguard and right hand man” we enter the room, and he holds the door for me and Leo. then closes and locks the door  behind us. He then gives an in-depth tour of the room, explaining all the scenarios it could be used  for, he opens the drawers and shows me every item and toy in there, when he finishes he does  something I never saw coming, he grabs a whip “Leo, hold him steady!!!” “YES SIR!!!” Leo  grabs my forearms and holds them together in front of me. He also holds me up this way, WHACK  my legs give but Leo holds me up, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK! The hits  just kept coming from the whip, it hurt so much, Snake kept going till I collapsed against Leo, then  fell to the floor and didn't move, or get back up. I want to go home, that’s all I want, 6 years, that's  how long I was told it’d take for me to work off the debt this way. I know by then, I’ll either be  dead, or completely broken mentally, emotionally, and physically at this rate. When Snake finishes  whipping me, he leaves with a few parting words. “Ezrin, if you can’t even take this, you are going  to be here a lot longer than you were told, and Leo, go ahead and have some fun with him when  he comes back around” “yes sir, thank you sir” when Snake is gone Leo picks me up and places  me on the mattress, then sits down next to me, I laid there, as he talks “I know I seem cold and bloodthirsty, but that’s only part of me, the part I use to do my part here in the gang, truth is I was  just like you when I 1st got here, scared and in pain, I was a street kid on Salchirino St., my parents were killed in a car accident when I was 8, and my older brother was murdered in a fight trying to protect me, he died in my arms, I would’ve been killed to that day, if it weren’t for police sirens being heard, the attackers ran when they heard them leaving me alone with nothing, and no one I could rely on, I had to toughen up or I’d end up dead like my brother, at that moment I formed cold hard walls around my heart, I no longer allowed myself to feel emotion or trust anyone, it was a killed or be killed situation, survival of  the fittest, so I turned to the darkness and let it consume me, stealing, fighting, and at times murder, by the time I turned 14 I’d already killed 5 people, and robbed many more, I’d stolen $100’s of dollars in property and goods, and I was living in a back alley using 2 large plastic storage totes, cut and attached together as a shelter, it did better than cardboard, and protected me well enough from the elements to survive, each day I’d get up at 1st light and get to work, robbing, stealing, killing if necessary, and avoiding the authorities. Many would say why avoid them, they could help you, but the truth was my old best friend was dead, because he decided to trust them, he was placed in the system and 2 months later I found him dead in a dumpster, I was going through for some supplies, he was covered in blood and all cut up, when I uncovered him more I seen where some of the blood was coming from, he had been doing prostitution before he was taken off the streets, but now, he had had blood coming from down there, front and back, it made me feel sick, I went to a payphone after pinching a few coins from a passerby, and I called the cops, they came, I’d left a trail of signs that pointed to the dumpster, they opened it and found him, I snuck into his funeral service at the cemetery for a while, then left and came back later when everyone else was gone. I swore to myself to never trust those people again, if they could actually help, then he would still be alive, I left and went back to work until dark, then went back to my shelter and went to sleep, this went on until I made the mistake of targeting 1 of Snake’s men, I thought I’d succeeded when they lost my trail after the chase, or so I thought, I went back to my shelter after using the money I got for food and some more supplies, I ate well that night, but later that night I heard serious movement, and lots of yelling, “FIND HIM!!! WE HAVE TO FIND HIM AND MAKE  HIM PAY!!!!” I got up and left grabbing only the absolute necessities, then used the emergency ladder on the side of the building to climb to the roof, I was surrounded on all sides on the ground. I got to the roof and hid, hoping to not be discovered by whoever was after me, but they kept getting closer, I heard them climbing the ladder, I got ready to run and jump roofs if necessary, but I started to move to late, I was spotted, they shot me in my right leg, then pinned me down. Snake showed up in a helicopter not long after, he used a rope to lower onto the roof, then the helicopter left temporarily, the 2 guys on top of me grabbed my arms and made me face this man. Who I learned was their leader “So this is the idiot who stole from my men” “I’M NOT AN  IDIOT, YOU ARE FOR MESSING WITH ME!!!!” “Oh, he has fire in him I like that, boys bring him over here” “YES SIR” they then dragged me while I struggled over to their leader, who proceeded to beat me senseless, even with the bullet wound in my leg, I started to grow weak from the blood loss “oh, he’s been shot” “yes sir, he was about to get away” “I see” he stopped for a few moments, then told his men to bandage my leg” “you’ll make a good toy for me back home hahaha” my wound was bandaged then he called his helicopter back, he picked me up leaving my stuff behind, and held me from my waist as we were lifted by the rope into the waiting helicopter. When we were inside he laid me on the floor, and we flew away into the distance. I passed out on the way because of the blood loss I’d sustained, and the pain, when we landed he picked me back up and carried me into his home. I was only faintly conscious when I was carried out of the  helicopter and into the home, then placed on a mattress, it was cold, and slightly hard but still much more comfortable then the hard ground back on the streets. I faintly heard voices, then felt a  small prick in my right arm, I closed my eyes and started to feel better after that. I eventually fell asleep, when I woke up he was next to me, I had an IV in my arm, so that’s what that prick was for.  I looked back at this man, who had just taken me off the streets and saved my life “What do you want from me?!!!  I started to come around more, WHY DID YOU SAVE ME?!!!YOUR MEN WANTED TO KILL ME!!!?” I  yelled at him but he didn’t react. He simply kept looking at me “STOP LOOKING AT ME, IT’S  DISGUSTING!!!” “It’s not disgusting, you're just super cute” “I’M NOT CUTE!!!!” “Oh, but you are, and you are now mine to do with however I want” “wh... what do you mean by that?” “I  mean you are now my toy to play with” “I.I.I... If I swear allegiance to you, then can I work for you like your other guys, instead of as your plaything?” “Oh, now that’s unexpected, you’d swear allegiance to me, to not be my plaything?” “YES!!!” “Fine, but you start at the bottom and work your way up like the rest understood?” “yes, I understand” I then swore my allegiance to him and worked my way up in the gang doing what I had before, except on a more violent level, the longer I’ve been here the harder I’ve become, and that part of me is just habit now, a cover for who I really am, a man who silently watches others suffer, and wants nothing more than to help them, but I can’t openly do that, so I do it in more subtle ways, like that blanket or helping you in the small ways I’ve done so far, I know you don’t want this, and want to go home to your family, and I know they miss you, and are likely searching for you right now, so shield your heart and mind, but have hope that unlike me, you will get out and have a semi-normal life alright?” he then stood up and went to an adjacent room connected to this one. I soaked in everything he’d just told me, slowly. Salchirino St. was a known street of poverty, homelessness, prostitution, gang violence and in general a high and violent crime area. It was also Snake’s gang territory, better known as Viper territory. Al had told me once as a warning, never to go there, because they would prey on, and even kill someone like me. So hearing Leo’s brother was killed there didn’t surprise me, neither did hearing about what happened to his friend, but hearing how Snake had listened to and helped him did, after my experience with him, however we had different situational circumstances leading up to it. Knowing how he feels makes me feel like I should trust him as an ally at least for now. My back still hurts but I find a way to move. I drag myself to the door connecting this to the adjacent room, and knock on the door “Leo!!! Leo!!!” he comes over and opens the door, “can I come in?” he laughs a little and smirks, then he grabs my right arm lifting me up and pulls me into the room, then closes the door, he drags me to the couch, then lifts my legs up and places me on it. “you need something?” “could we make a deal?” “deal? what kind of deal” “an alliance of sorts, I need your help and protection and I can give you entertainment in return” “entertainment, you mean in bed?” “yes” “I thought you hated that” “well yes and no, part of me is hating myself for telling you this, but I’m gay, and part of me hates that I am, but while I’m here my body is kind of the only option and tool I have to survive, so I might as well use it” “hahaha alright, we can make a deal, I’ll help you whenever I can, and do my best to protect you, but you have to remember no one can know I’m doing this, or I’m in trouble just like you would be, but worse because of my position” “I know, and understand, thank you” “ so now that that’s out of the way, may I? I promise I won’t do anything in the back because I know you’re injured, so I’ll stick up front that ok with you?” “yes that’s fine, just please be gentle, this is only my second time ever being touched in this way, it’s just the 1st wasn’t enjoyable, and hurt like hell” “I will, don’t worry” what followed as much as that part of me doesn’t want to accept it, felt absolutely incredible and mind-blowingly good. For the next 3 months, he was there to bring me back to my room after times with the other boys once they had left, he was there to treat my wounds, and lend an ear for a while after my nights with Snake, which I never got used to and always left me in agony afterwards, and every once in a while when he sensed I needed a break from the pain, he would call on me and we’d enjoy the night talking, and then proceeded to “The Entertainment” those were the nights I looked forward to, the nights when I could enjoy myself as well, the more I did it, and the longer I’m here with him the more I’ve come to accept myself for who I am, even me being gay. He was 10 years older than me but I felt a special type of connection to him, different from how I feel towards my siblings, but similar in a way. Those 3 months were great, when I was with him, I had something to hold on to in order to keep myself sane, despite the pain of my surroundings. But that came to an abrupt end. Snake left with Leo to take care of gang business, while I waited, I thought about what me and Leo would do tonight, but that special time never came, because Leo was fatally injured during the outing, doing his job protecting Snake. When Snake got back with the other gang  members that went with. I was waiting patiently by the door to welcome them back as I’d been  ordered to do since my learning period had ended. When I didn't see Leo, I felt my heart sink into  my stomach “Master Snake, where is Leo? shouldn’t he be with you? me and him are scheduled  for tonight” ''not anymore” “huh?” “he’s at the gang hospital, he did his job and protected me but  was fatally wounded, they are simply making him comfortable” “I know this is going to seem rude, but may I see him? even if we don’t do the “deed” tonight. I’d still like to say goodbye as he is 1 of you, and someone who I loved to service, and be used by'' saying it the way I did made me feel disgusting, but I had to word it a certain way so as not to seem suspicious to Snake. He looked  at me for a few moments before speaking. “Boys take this slave to see Leo” “Thank you Master  Snake!!!” I was then taken to the gang hospital. Which was a hospital that Snake has dirt on and it’s in his territory, so it was a hospital just for Viper members. When we got to Leo’s hospital room  door, I stopped and took some deep breaths “may I have some privacy with him please” the viper  members then stepped away, I opened the door and entered the room. Leo turned his head to look at me “hey Leo how.. how are you feeling? any pain?” “no, I’m topped on meds right now”  “I... I see” I was trying not to cry it's only been 3 months but I feel so close with him in a special way, we grew so close, relying on each other, me for help and protection and him for his needs in  bed, yes we had our deal, but it was more than that now, I.. I love him, if he loves me back or not I  don’t know. “Leo, since I know what the outcome of this situation will be, I wanted to tell you  something before you go” “and what’s that?” “ I Love You” him being able to talk despite his  injuries is because while his injuries are fatal they won’t kill him immediately, the machines are  monitoring his vitals, it’s just a waiting game now. Kind of like cancer it doesn’t kill instantly but  instead does so slowly, his injuries while temporarily treatable, like controlling bleeding and such  are too severe to actually fix. Treat the symptoms but unable to treat and fix the problem. So they  are simply keeping him comfortable and waiting for him to pass on his own. He is conscious and  able to talk for now because he’s stable enough. “Ezrin I cough, cough, Love You too” he goes into a coughing fit and starts to cough up blood, it’s happening he’s finally going soon. His coughing fit turns into a struggle to breathe, and gasping for air. I can only watch, his heart speeds up, when the coughing and gasping end he collapses back down onto the bed, no longer having any strength, he’d sat up when coughing and gasping for air, but now he just laid there exhausted, little strength left in him. I started to cry, seeing him like this hurt so much, his body began to shake and thrash around violently, he was seizing, his eyes rolled back in his head, I could hear the machines going crazy in the background, alerting that something was wrong, but no one came. There was no point they couldn’t do anything anyway. He kept seizing until he was foaming at the mouth, I fell to my knees unable to keep watching. When he finally stopped, his body went still and quiet, then his heart rate slowed more and more until it flatlined, the long and constant  beeeeeeeeeeep echoed in my ears, and it finally hit me he was gone, the love of my life and my only protection was gone. The doctors came in and shut off the machines, did their protocol for death, then left. I could do nothing but cry for the next 4 hours, until the Viper members dragged me out, after being ordered to bring me back. The next 2 months were hell. Snake called me almost every day, most days I couldn’t move, so he came to me and forced himself on me, it was always just a repeat of the 1st time, nothing but pain. The only difference is that Leo wasn’t there to help me afterwards. By the 4th week after his death, I wanted nothing more than to die, I even tried to kill myself but was stopped and brutally punished for it. After that I went completely numb, a husk of my former self. The only thing holding me to reality, and to life were Leo’s words to me, “I know you don’t want this and want to go home to your family, and I know they miss you, and are likely searching for you right now, so shield your heart and mind, but have hope that unlike me, you will get out and have a semi-normal life alright?” but also his final words to me “Ezrin I, Love You too” because of this I hold on slightly to hope like he told me to, and by the end of those 2 months after his death even while my life was hell, and I wanted to die, I still held on to those words in hopes that 1 day I’d be able to fulfill them, that I’ll get out and live a semi-normal life, it will never be normal I know this is the reality, because of what I’ve been through, and am currently going through now, but hopefully someday, someday Leo, I’ll get out of here and make you proud by fulfilling your words to me, I promise, I Love You Leo.