We sat there in silence for a slight second after Chrollo had finished talking. He continued to stare at the floor in a manner I've never seen before. Yet he stayed melancholy, even though it seemed he was about to tell me something that was impactful, he sat there quiet and calm.
"What? What did you do?" I asked in a tone that was barley audible ,breaking the silence that now lingered in the room
"I did something that I should truly never be proud of. I'm a murderer, a theif, and someone's who's cheated at life countless times,but some things I've done are worse than other. I understand if after I tell you these things you want to leave,I know I'm not going to be who you though I was after this." Chrollo replies to me once again keeping his head down as if he was shamed to have to talk about these topics once again.
" What could you have done that would make me want to leave." I ask looking too see him
" Years ago I found something I desired. The Scarlett eyes of the Kurta, I had no idea what I would have do to obtain them,all I knew is I wanted the eyes. I didn't understand the Kurta were still alive ,and after finding out they were I made a decision. One that would benefit me by making me and the troupe money." Chrollo hung his head lower as he said this slouching his back lower and lower, using only his arms to hold him up from falling face first onto the rug beneath him.
"What was the decision you made Chrollo?" I asked my hands slightly shaking for knowing what he was about to say next. Knowing that what he would say next wasn't a blissful fairytale, but the hard writen truth.
" I killed. Children. Women. Men. Anyone and everything that was in my way, all because I wanted their Scarlett eyes. Some of the screams let out stay trapped in my mind. Remembering as I watched the troupe tear apart and kill families. I never seemed to care for it though, and I still don't I grew up in meteor city ,like you leaving me to do nothing except fend for myself ,I had no mother ,and no father. I raised myself before deciding to found the troupe. The part that makes me disgust myslef the most is still to this day I feel no empathy for the Kurta. I feel nothing. I suppose it's because I never had a family or felt love, but I thought one day I would be able to feel what I'd done, but it seems I've been restricted from the feeling. I've done other horrible things too ,but none as terrible as this. Others were petty murders of other small gangs ,and the theft of items. Nothing will ever compare to what I did to the kurta and I cannot attone for my actions, even if I feel no remorse for them" Chrollo finally lifts his head to look at me who was frozen in a miz of fear,shock,and a blurring sadness, Of course I knew these things about Chrollo I just never understood the scale of them. My face stayed sullen, but on the inside my body was afraid to move, but it also felt as if it was time to jolt out of the door. Although I understand where he is coming from. My family had never loved me either leaving me with a no sense of empathy for any of the families my boss tore down while I was in the mafia ,but instead I always ignored the screams and continued at my boss's side as if I were his lap dog.
I couldn't move my body but it seemed as if my arms moved on their own in an opening motion as if I was inviting him to stand by me for comfort. Chrollo stood and walked towards me,as I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him backwards so that I was now holding him as I laid on the couch. My hands still shaking as I pulled him closer putting us face to face.
"But the auction the recent one had deserved deaths. Most mafia men were murderers of their own, who tore things apart, and some even went as far as selling the children, and women to other gangs for their pleasures. Almost all of those men deserved to die, I may have no empathy for family or killing,but I don't believe women and children should be put into enslavement." He said no me putting his head next to mine.
I agree with chrollo though. Men in the mafia would do this often using then as their toys, only the lucky women get to work for the mafia. As I did after dragging myself out of a situation I was in. Chrollo was correct those men deserved death even my boss himself had done things he could not attone for. The only way he could is if he was faced with death so I suppose he did attone after all since he was now dead.
" I understand, your actions, you didn't know how to get the eyes so you resorted to the thing in your blood. Which is violence." I whisper running my fingers through Chrollo's hair as he kept his face buried into the crook of my neckband as for leaving you. I can't it's almost as if I force says it would be something that I would later regret."
Chrollo lifts his head and pulls me into him locking our lips. Flipping me over so I was beneath him as my fingers ran through his hair. Heavily breathing as he held my wasit pulling it to him even though we were laying down. Making his grip tighter and tighter as he kept our lips locked before pulling away.
"I never thought you would be here with me even after I confessed my biggest sin. I suppose I have a love for you, one that now seems to be trust worthy." Chrollo moves his hands to the back of my head playing with my hair in the manner he had used to help me sleep.
"Love? You mean as in a Romantic love?" I say a bit shocked by his comment
"Yes. I understand if you feel it is too early ,but you stayed even after I confessed my biggest sin, and you weren't afraid, and you didn't leave me either." He says to me
"Well I feel that love too. I guess you could say I love you Chrollo." I say my face stirring with a red color
"I love you too. My darling y/n." Chrollo replies pulling again down to him so our lips locked passionately again and again restarting the cycle holding me closer to him as tbis all unraveled.
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Finally breaking away after what seemed to be forever Chrollo sat up ,as did I which resulted in me sitting on his lap as he smiled at me leaving me who was already a flustered mess to smile back.
"Well I suppose you may want dinner. So I'll make some my love." Chrollo says pecking me on the lips before I remove myself from him. Leaving him able to get up and make his way to the kitchen where he began cooking.
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Later unto the evening as we sat under the covers Chrollo read as I laid on his chest, he had one arm around me as the other flipped book pages silently sitting there in a state of grace. Calm, peaceful, and happy. Listening to Chrollo's heartbeat as I laid. Knowing this was the first time I had ever truly loved someone thoughts swarmed my head. Wondering what to do next ,and what I should let happen. A melancholy person with small fears on the outside, but an anxiety filled wreck on the inside is what I was,but the again it was the first time I had the feeling of love. Love romantically, also as if the nightmare had ended ,and the fantasies in my head had begun. The comfort as I laid next to him, the way my face went red when he talked. It was all new to me, I've never been loved really in my life, only been an apparent flaw or bug that needed fixing. Living as a flea with purpose basically until j met Chrollo, who showed me love in a way I had never seen before. But this couldn't last for long. My family was now in the city again looking for me, knowing I was there is a disaster for me ,but a brilliant win for them. Leaving me with only two options. One was too run away and forget this all ,act as if it had never happened. And two was to stay with Chrollo, and make sure they couldn't find me no matter how hard they tried, two was going to be my answer, but with who I am it was easy to submit to my family even after all they've done. It still felt as if wherever I went they would find me.
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Update is monday!!!!!!!!!
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Lucilfer's lover (chrolloX fem reader)
FanfictionY/N a girl from metor city with a sociopath family. She moves York New city in hope of find a new life and new path, after all the truama her family had caused her it was hard to live on, but after an incident at the auction, will she meets someon...
