What's next?

Deciding What to do Next

After about and hour of jokes and baby pictures we decide to leave. Lindy hugs us goodbye and tells us to stop by another time. He opens my door after kissing his mom on the check. I get in and wave to his mom, who I have only just meet, but it feels like I have known her most of my life.

“So did you like her?”  Richard asks me when we pull away from the house of my dreams.

“Oh my gosh, yes. She was amazing; this place is amazing I want to come back. And I did a lot of thinking while I was here that I didn’t expect to do.”

“Yeah the country does that to you.” he laughs. “At least we know she liked you. Did you know she wants me to ask you to marry me before she dies? I mean I would love to but we are so young right now, but out of everyone’s opinion I trust hers the most. So if she thinks we will be good together I believe it. And I do like you so it’s a plus.”

“Yeah. It is a plus. But even if you did ask right now or sometime this year, I don’t know what I would say.”

“You’d probably say I was crazy and to ask you another time when you wasn’t so stressed. But that what I love the most about you, you always overthink it and decide it’s not the time.”

“I know I do but it isn’t on purpose that’s how my mind works. I can’t help it. But if I was ready and I just went with my gut I would probably say heck I would think about living on the outside not in my mind and going into the world and changing it. So then I would finish with yes then over think it and change my answer five hundred times until you got tired of it and said that its too late tog back track I have to do it and get it over with. Cause that’s the type of person you are. One who doesn’t over think anything and just does it. You look out for me, and you are totally sane when I’m insane. That’s what makes us work.”

“I agree fully and that’s how all of your decisions are made. I don’t see how you got anything done. Like ever until I came into the picture. But I have made some decisions I wish I had thought about first like you do. You contemplate everything. So you would be the reason I don’t make stupid decisions. I can’t and don’t ever think of how the world will go if I never had anyone to tell me no stop that’s stupid or that will hurt you in the end. I need someone in my life that’s like that, that’s why I’m glad I have you to help me not die.”

I guess he’s right that is what I do and the points he’s making is like he’s going to ask me to marry him today. Even if he did I don’t know what to say. Yes and no because yes I love him more than I have ever anyone in my life, but no because I am too young and need to get a college degree first and get though with my education first. Then he would say ‘that’s why you need to say yes so I can help you get though it. Help you with your homework or studying. You don’t know what life would be like if you failed.’ So I guess its undecided for now. Unless he ask soon then in screwed for life, I’ll never figure out if I would want to or not. Just like he and I were discussing. Dang my life is complicated I don’t know how I made the choice to walk though the door of my kindergarten classroom all those years ago. I’ve always been this way for as long as I can remember. He laughs, good thing he doesn’t know what I’m thinking about.

I don’t want to say no. I want to say yes! Like with excitement like all the other girls, I want to say yes then slap him and kiss him. I want to jump into his arms and never let go. I want to see his smile every morning I wake up. I want to be there when he is going though something big in his life. I’ve never been so sure on anything in my life. Yes we have only been together one day, well we aren’t even dating so we aren’t even together yet, and yes I’m young but I’m ready. Well as ready as I’ll ever be. I don’t know why this is what I’m sure of, I’m only seventeen, but this is what I am. I can’t deicide if I want to go to a movie or go to the mall, but I can figure out what I would say if he asked me to married him today. A random guy I’ve known for about three years now and I’m not even dating. But yes, that’s what I would say. I don’t know why but its true. And I probably won’t ever find anyone else. I’ll be a cat lady with no friends.  

“Your welcome,” I laugh, “don’t worry though you made it seventeen years with out me. You can make it some more.” By the time I finish we are both laughing, neither knowing what to do next. The little times like these are why I never did half of the things I was going to do. He doesn’t know about my past, or how every day after school, I was crushed that he didn’t talk to me or he didn’t kiss me. I know its stupid but now that those days have passed and I grew up, and got out of my funk, I noticed something one day. I don’t need to be wait for something that never gonna come. It like ordering something online then waiting for it to come in, which takes forever. So basically you are really hype at one point just to let you down. That’s also why I don’t shop online. I laugh.

“What are you laughing about now?”

“The old days.”

“What do you mean the old days?”

“Just the stuff I thought about and how I’m glad I grew up.” Thankful I saved it cause he changed the subject.

“So what do you wanna do now? We have two hours and nothing to do.”

“Umm where are we at? Ill look up the location on my phone and find us a place.”

“Here use my phone, that Samsung aint gonna get you nowhere.”

I gratefully accept. And go to his maps. “We are in…” he looks around I assume looking for a sign. “oh there it is, we are in petal” that’s weird, a petal Mississippi, a flowers Mississippi, what else is there stem Mississippi?

As I look on google to find a place we seen several places fly passed us. “How about we pull over so we can find a place and hopefully don’t pass it?”