No Such Thing

Chapter 18

Playlist:
One Last Night - Vaults
Somebody Else - The 1975
We Don't Talk Anymore - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez

The heels of my Rodarte thigh high boots scraped against the floor of my apartment building hallway as Ryder was shoving me out. "I don't wanna go. Please don't make me go without you." Him and Jo both insisted that I accept my invitation to the Young Hollywood party in honor of my latest British Vogue cover, but I was terribly reluctant knowing Ryder wouldn't be by my side. They should both be well aware that sending me off on social endeavors alone is a shit idea. "Babe, first off, you know I never want to let you out of my sight, but you need to do this. For me and for you. People are gonna think you have no friends." "Screw people! I have friends." "Friends that aren't MY friends, Stel." I pout and blow away a hair that had flown into my mouth. "Don't expect me to be acting like the prized peach of New York City out there. I'm going to be utterly miserable and unpleasant." "You promise?" The right corner of his mouth twitched as that side smile spread across his face and took a jab at my knees. "I solemnly swear." I raise my right hand up and cross my heart. "Let me have a look at you." He took my hand and twirled me around slowly enough to take in my whole outfit. My hair was slicked back and my Givenchy dress was just tight enough so I still had enough room to breathe. "How many people will I piss off in this?" My back was now smushed into the stair railing as he pushed his weight on me. "It's already pissing me off that you're going out looking this good without me so you do the math." I bite my lip to hide my frown but he stops me with the pad of his thumb. The familiar gesture leads my lips to part.

Paparazzi are only up my ass because I'm Ryder's girlfriend. Why did he have to be a billionaire boy again? I'm zooming down the carpet to find the venue entrance and hopefully lay low all night. I'll be squirming in my seat the whole time. Lea Michele and Alexa Chung offer their cheeks to me for friendly kisses and Miles Teller gives me a terribly awkward one-arm hug as I make my way through the crowds of Hollywood's next generation. I finally reach a gap in the masses and break away only to stop in my tracks. Without a single warning there he is. With his bandmates having a laugh. He turns his head and our eyes meet.

Jason.

And there he stood. Frozen. Eyes alive and wild. Same as me. I should be turning on the heels of my boots and getting the hell out of here, running out the door, and never looking back. I should be doing everything other than slowly slithering toward him. Drawn to him, like a moth to a flame, just as I always was. His silhouette flickered like the light of a candle; fading in and out. Every step I take is making my vision hazy as if the air was thick with smoke. Closer. And closer. Until I'm a touch away from being burned alive. I know better than to let him strip away all the strength I've built since he last tore me apart. His gaze setting everything just beneath my skin ablaze. This is why they call extinguished loves "old flames." Just because you managed to put them out once before, doesn't mean they can't reignite and singe your heart and leave it in ashes all over again. Without another second passing, we're nose to nose, toes to toes. He throws and locks his arms around my torso, lifts my feet from the ground, and kisses me so hard, I could taste blood on my lips. My thoughts go blank as hot streams of tears endlessly run down my cheeks. Just like that, my life was engulfed in flames. And this time, I let it happen.

Like hell I'll let it happen.

I smash my fists into his chest and fight the prison of his grip to my best ability. This only makes him hold on tighter. He leaves me no fucking choice. My knee crushes his groin faster than I can catch my breath and I'm freed. He's groaning and bent over. "Now that's the Stel I remember." How the hell does this fucker still manage to get a laugh out of everything? "Don't fucking call me that. Don't call me anything. Don't ever talk about me to anyone again. And don't you dare fucking touch me." Now my legs are cooperating and guiding me right toward the exit. I feel a hand on my shoulder which makes me turn around and smack it away. "I told you not to fucking touch me." "You don't want people to know about us, yet you're making a big fuss. The crying isn't much of a help either. Or you kissing me back. Come to think of it, you look a lot like the last time I saw you right about now, love. All roughed up, yeah." His hands find refuge in his pockets and I'm utterly shaking. No one is looking this way, but I'm terrified of looking anything like the last time I saw him. "Bathroom." He points the way and I rush in its direction.

Streaks of washed off foundation stain my cheeks and my mouth is bloody. A fucking mess. I shove my way into an open stall and sit on the lid of the toilet, resting my chin in my hands. The door of the bathroom opens and I spot a pair of male dress shoes pause in front of the stall I'm occupying. "Since when has hiding behind a door from me ever worked out for you, Stel." I refuse to respond. "Remember when I first told you I did coke, and I pulled out my stash. You snatched it out my hand and ran like hell to the loo, locked my ass out. Thought it was mighty fine to flush it, yeah. Fucking kicked my own door down, gotta be fucked to think I would let you throw my cash down the drain like that." "You tackled me to the floor." "Damn right I did." We were both laughing. "Idiot." "Your idiot." I unlock the stall door and stare Jace straight in the eyes. "Why can't you stay out of my life?" "I'm not meant to, love. You're stuck with my sorry ass forever." "I'll just have to kill you then." "You already have." I wince at the reminder of our previous exchange and last words. To avoid dwelling on the past any longer, I get up and move to make my escape. "I'm going to walk out now. You won't follow me, stop me, call after me, none of that. I'll go back to trying to pretend you're a distant bad dream I had once and you'll go back to... Whatever it is you do. Goodbye Jason." He interrupts my departure. "I saw it. We're like magnets, Stel. You can stray as far as you want, but you'll always be pulled back to me somehow. Stel and Jace. Jace and Stel. We're the modern Bonnie and Clyde. Dynamic duo." "That's just it, Jace. Bonnie and Clyde don't get a happy ending and neither do we." The tears come rushing as I turn away and slip out of the party and into the cold, dark city my heart tries so hard to mimic.