I Hate Me, Too | Han Seojun

1

My feet make their way up the somewhat grassy hill as I pass by the other graves. My hand grips the bouquet of flowers tighter, my knuckles turning white the closer I get to her. I stop in front of her and sigh, my head hanging low in shame. I take a seat on the ground in front of her. I look back up, setting the flowers to the side. I smile a little at her picture.

"Gowoon says hi." I say quietly.

As stupid as it may sound, I waited for a second for a reply. I clear my throat and look around awkwardly.

"Graduation is coming up soon." I mumble, turning back to her grave. My eyes meet her picture and my face falls into a somber expression. "My mom says she hopes you're doing well."

No response. Just the wind lightly blowing.

"You're probably watching over Jugyeong, so you know how she's doing. Gowoon is doing pretty well, she's been attending more academies for singing. Did I ever tell you she sings? I guess it's a family thing." I ramble.

I get up slowly off of the ground, not breaking eye contact with her picture.

"A lot of people miss you Yuosi. Especially me."

-

I walk into my apartment, feeling tired from walking up and down the hill. I feel my eyes start to sting, but I clear my throat, preventing them.

"Hey, where have you been?" Gowoon says, startling me.

"I went to see Yusoi." I say before brushing past her.

I hear her sigh as I make my way to my room. I close the door behind me and fall onto my bed. My door opens and I see Gowoon out of the corner of my eye.

"I miss her too, you know." I hum lightly in response. Not as much as me. "You've been going there everyday, two times a day, for the past four months. Seojun, I think she would want you to take time for yourself, she was your girlfriend after all." She says the last part hesitantly.

I cringe. Girlfriend. I don't deserve to call her by that title.

"No. She would only be wishing the best for Jugyeong."

"Don't think like that. She cared about you, I saw the way you two were with each other." I feel her take a seat next to me. "I know this is harsh to say right now, but you have to start moving on. You've had her as your profile picture since-" she cuts herself off, probably trying to fight back tears. "you also haven't been to school. Seojun, you're doing it again."

I groan.

"Doing what? I'm upset. I lost two people all because I couldn't take care of them."

Gowoon helps me sit up. She keeps her hand resting on my shoulder.

"I know that. But i'm sure they're both doing just fine, especially Yusoi."

-

Should I get her a bottle or put some ice in a cup? She looked pretty upset. I bite the inside of my cheek and open a cupboard to grab a glass. I open the freezer and put some ice before filling it up with water. I quickly walk back to my room.

"I could have brought just the bottle, but I figured I would be nice and put it in a glass with some ice."

I look up and see Yusoi standing there with the cast in hand. I freeze.

"Yusoi-"

"Why do you have this?" She asks, sounding as if the words could barely make their way out of her mouth.

I set the glass down and try to walk over to her, but she backs up. I feel my heart ache. She looks at me with her eyes brimmed with tears.

"Yusoi, it's not a big deal." I say, trying to calm her down.