I Hate Me, Too | Han Seojun

5

"I'm going to leave in a few minutes, are you going to try and go today?" Gowoon asks as she stands at the entrance of my bedroom door.

I turn to look at her from my desk. I stand up from sitting, grabbing a folder from the side. I hand it to her.

"No." I reply.

She sighs and takes the folder from my hand. I walk away from her, returning to my bed, and laying down.

"I'm proud of you." She says suddenly. I sit up and look at her, a confused expression beginning to form on my face. She sighs again at my expression, this time, annoyed. "You put on your uniform yesterday and got to the entrance, even after finding out I didn't have an audition. So, I'm proud of you." She says in a serious tone. I don't answer her, I just slowly go back to lying down on the bed. "Are you going to see her again today?" She asks quietly. I stare up at the ceiling, having both a mixture of feelings: wanting her to leave and wanting her to stay. "Did you go there yesterday?"

"No." I answer, hoping she would give up on this conversation soon.

"Where did you go?" She asks, clearly not doing what I want her to do anytime soon.

"Didn't you say you were leaving in a few minutes?" I asked, sitting up.

"I did. But I still want to know where you went. If not to see Yusoi then-" I close my eyes and sigh, cutting her off. I hear her let out a huff. "You can't keep getting sensitive whenever you hear her name, you know. It's almost been five months Seojun, you have to move on at some point."

What if I can't. I haven't told anyone I saw her last that day. I haven't told anyone that I'm the reason she's dead.

I feel a tear slide down my cheek as I open my eyes.

"You're going to be late." I say, wiping it, but feeling more threaten to fall.

She looks at me, concerned, but bites her lip and stands up straight.

"You're right. I still have to turn in your work." She says, waving the folder.

I nod my head sadly as she turns and walks away from me. As I lay back down, I hear the front door open and shut. I close my eyes again, slowly lulling myself to sleep.

-

I chuckle to myself as I make my way back to my room, sipping from the can with complete satisfaction. I open the door, surprised to see Suho sitting up in his bed. I try my best to ignore him as I walk to my side of the room.

"Where did you get the drink?" He asks, trying to break the tension. Despite his tone not really helping with his cause.

"I got it from a vending machine." I say in a sarcastic tone.

I continue taking small sips, the smile on my face getting bigger as I remember that girl's shocked expression.

"What are you so happy about?" He asks, annoyed.

I roll my eyes and try to brush off his conversation by not answering him back. I almost choke on the drink when the door suddenly opens. I cough a few times, looking over to see Gowoon walking over to me.

"You're an idiot." She says, a few tears making their way down her face.

"What?" I ask.

She takes the drink from my hand and throws it in the trash can.

"Hey-"

She grabs a chair and sits down beside my bed, placing a bag she was holding next to her.

"Why would you run out in front of a car! Do you know how stupid that was!" She scolds. She turns to look at Suho. "Do you both not know how to cross a street! Or where your heads so far up your own butts to notice!"