Not Likely

I Charm the Uncharmable

"Ma you will not believe what kind of a day I had!" I announced, arriving home, my arms spread open to show the extent of my good mood.

After the surprisingly illuminating conversation with Mr. Razdan three days ago, I had decided to make some immediate and rapid changes to my life. Of course, the alternative to drink myself into self-destruction was always there, but somehow the appeal to do better won.

So, off I went!

The next three days, I went back to workout, started to wake up early, willed myself to connect with my friends again (in the condition that we shall not talk about That) and most importantly, stopped moping around like a depressed bus conductor.

I was here to make some goddamn changes and live my bloody life!

It was Friday night and I was dutifully back home at 8pm, having had a very productive day.

The best news? Our team won the monthly marketing record!

In order to keep things as competitive as possible, our previous CMO had maintained a good-natured leaderboard to track performance. In the last four months, our dismal FMCG team had moved from the absolute bottom to the top 5. But this month, due to a particularly well-received Digital ad campaign, our figures rose.

We were on top baby!

Sure, to a lot of you, this might sound like self-serving bullshit, but here's the thing. Motivation in marketing is scarce. It's a creative job that involves a lot of research and imitating the minds of countless consumers. When we look at real-time impact via boring data and numbers, the end result is a testimonial to all the creative sweat and time that was poured into every campaign.

So shut up with your confused noises and let me revel!

Let me tell you who else shared your killjoy mode. My parents.

Both of them were sitting in the hall, arms folded, looking at me like I had just returned from a long stint in jail.

I paused. "What?"

"You tell us", Ma retorted, her big eyes filled with mystery emotions.

I slowly put down my bag and turned to her, wondering what kind of 'bad thing' I seemed to have done now to warrant even Dad to sit down instead of engaging with the TV.

"I had a good day at work?" I ventured, kicking off my slippers.

"I am glad. But this isn't about your work life."

I was starting to get irritated by these apparently meaningful looks that they were shooting me. "Then what is it about?" I finally asked.

"I told your father," she announced.

"Told what?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing.

"About who you're seeing" she stressed, as Dad pursed his lips with evident unhappiness.

I was just lost. "Who am I seeing? What are you talking about?"

Now Ma grew exasperated. "Oh, don't you lie to me, the cat is out of the bag."

"What cat?!"

"Your Mother said you're seeing someone," Dad said, clearing his throat the way he does when he's addressing a particularly painful topic. "A boy," he added, as he realized I was still left in the dark.

What the actual-

"When did I say that?" I asked, mystified.

"Haye, look at this girl! Sits in front of the laptop, camera right on her face as she proclaims the truth, now look! Lying to our own faces!" Mom exclaimed.