Not Likely

Analysis on Impulse Reactions

"So, let's talk about intent."

"My God."

"What kind of person do you, as a potential girlfriend, imagine yourself with?"

"I don't know."

"Like, what're the criteria?"

"Being interested in me?"

"That's not a criterion, that's a wish."

"Well, now you're just being mean."

Krish looked at me with exasperation. "You're the world's most hopeless client I have ever known."

I buried my face in my hands, wondering if this entire predicament was even worth it. After Ma miraculously saved dinner yesterday, I realized that I now have to find a blasted boyfriend to fit my fib. Sure, there were options. One, I could go on a dating site, match with a rando, tell him to be cool and after a choice first date that involves meeting my Mom and telling a few lies, he can buzz off.

My senses pointed out the lack of appeal in that.

So, off I went to delegate this task to my best friend, Krish. He was my senior in school and we had hit off in a manner that's expected out of hormonal pre-teens and had dated for a while. Call it premature sense or just the lack of romantic chemistry, the 'relationship' (come on, I was 13, that's not a relationship) fizzled by our Christmas holidays.

The silver lining though is that he and I became friends. He soon became my best friend because we shared similar interests in media and marketing. Through the years, he also started to make a name for himself, starting a short film production company fresh out of college called Drift Pictures, which has quickly become one of the fastest-growing video production companies in India.

I knew that he would be one of the few people who would humour me enough to go ahead with this insane suggestion.

"Listen. All I need is a temporary solution. Why are you asking me questions like I am hiring for a Broadway play?"

At this, he shot me one of his looks, as he lounged against the chair. "You're not hiring for a temporary solution, you want someone to confirm a lie convincingly. That means you can't bring someone out of character."

I gave him a sulky glare. "Okay fine, what do you suggest?"

He removed his glasses and ran his fingers over his hair thoughtfully. "What on earth were you thinking?"

"Listen, not you too, ok? I had no choice! They were talking about some guy every day and the last thing I want to do right now is meet some guy."

He became quiet as he turned to look at me, knowing what I meant. One of the very few people who knew about the demise of my relationship was him.

"Ok but this is an unnecessary lie."

"You know Ma, don't you? You think she will just agree to wait if I ask her to wait?"

"Fine, fine, I get your point. We are shooting for a music video right now, ok? The lead is new. Video doesn't come out till a few months, so you can give it a shot."

"Yeah, like Ma watches artsy music videos, that's amazing news!" I said brightly. "Now where is this suitor?"

He grinned. "His name is Ayush."

"Okay? Does he have tattoos?"

"How does it matter?"

"I like tattoos."