Black Plague

Chapter 34

Snape didn't do any more than hold me and listen. But somehow it seemed to give me the strength to keep going. Barely. I was still a walking zombie. Not really doing anything but moving from one task to the next. Studying helped a little. Dark magic always has a way of cheering me up. But it didn't help as much as I would have expected. Prowling in my Leopard form help a bit because it muted my emotions. But I couldn't stay a leopard forever.
I went to the dinner hall for the first time since talking to Snape yesterday morning. I hadn't really ate all week. The idea of food making me sick. But I knew everyone was watching me. I couldn't hide my pain, it was too profound. So I tried to keep up appearances and at least go to my meals. Even if it was just to stare at the food.
But today the names would come from the goblet so I needed to be here. I had already decided, if my name wasn't picked, I was running away. Running from the responsibility. Running from my pain. Running from Voldemort. Maybe I would live in the forest as my cat permanently. I would bet nobody would even notice a stealthy black cat in the expanse of the forest. I was sure Voldemort could find me if he wanted, but would he even bother. Probably not. He didn't even love me enough to either take me now, or wait for me. And he was the only reason I would stay. But I was hoping to avoid him for a while. We didn't go to Draco's house today because they were choosing the candidates. And maybe I could find a reason next week too. I couldn't face him. I was embarrassed by how broken he left me. And I just didn't want to see him after everything. It hurt too much.
The goblet began violently sputtering the blue flames turned red and a name popped out.
Dumbles grabbed it read "Drumstrang will be represented by Victor Krum!" The Drumstrang students roared with cheers and the rest of the room politely clapped.
The goblet changed to red again and spit another paper out. "Beauxbaton will be represented by Fleur Delacour" again the room was filled with excited cheering and polite claps.
The blue flames seemed to sputtered and pop forever. My fate hung in the balance. Would I become co-rule and a dark lord or run away and never see civilization again. The fire turned red and a paper flew into Dumbles hand. "Hogwarts will be represented by... Harry Potter?" The room was deathly silent. I didn't react at first. Fuck I had to stay. And I would never get away from Voldemort. I let the panic of that idea spread against my features. Knowing I needed a good preformance so people wouldn't suspect I entered myself. I wanted to be able to blame Dumbles on this. "Me?" I asked quietly. "Harry Potter get up here." He demanded and I timidly walked to the front. "B-but..."
"Did you enter your name?" I shook my head frantically. I kept my Occlumency shield up and projected panic and fear. "N-no sir" I said with clear fear in my voice. "I d-don't want to die." My voice raising with my perceived fear.
Dumbledore, after checking my mind and finding no evidence of me entering myself, sighed. "I'm sorry my boy. You'll have to compete. It's a binding contract." I slumped my shoulders and nodded. After a moment I squared my shoulders. Trying to act brave and followed him with the others to the next room.

I sat by Krum and rubbed my sweet pants. I hadn't bothered to dress nice. My hair in another bun. Because why not. I knew I needed to pull myself together. If Voldemort didn't care about my feelings, why should I care about his. Fuck him. I hardened my heart and decided to not even think about loving him. The pain wasn't worth it. I would focus on this competition and then focus on ruling. Love was nothing but pain. Fuck him. I didn't need him. I was powerful and strong with or without him. My nerves became steel and my heart began to harden to him. Even if he was my soul mate, that didn't mean I needed to love him. Love was meaningless. And I would never love him again. No. All loving him did was break me. Fuck him. He could fuck anyone he wanted for all I cared. It wasn't worth the effort to kill everyone. He could do what he wanted. I was done.
As if he heard my thoughts, that night he was in bed with another person. A man this time. I had to give him credit, the man was beautiful. I shifted to my leopard to dull my pain and went to sleep. He definitely wouldn't have done that if he actually loved me. He would have groveled and begged for forgiveness. No. He only loved himself. And I wouldn't be strung along as he had a new lover every few day. Just to let my heart break, and crying like a child each time. No. This was over. I was truly done.

The next morning I showered and dressed in black ripped jeans, a tight black shirt and my dragon hide cloak. I weaved my belt through the loops and pulled my dragon hide boots on. I took the amethyst necklace off and walked confidently down to breakfast. I was done grieving. He treated me like trash and I wouldn't stand for it. I was Hades Black. And I wouldn't let anyone destroy me. I learned as a small child you couldn't trust anyone. I just needed to learn that hard lesson twice. Shame on me for forgetting. Nobody would love me. Nobody would cherish me. But that was okay. Love was meaningless. And I had better things to do. My heart was black and cold as ice. And nobody would melt their way through again. Not even Voldemort. He had his chance to love me, and chose momentary pleasure over me, I was worth so little to him. If that was the case, I would forget ever loving him. Because I wouldn't be loved so shallowly. Clearly the depth of his love was equivalent to a puddle. Call me selfish, but I had hoped for more.  Needed more. Now he would get nothing. I stalked to the head of my table and began eating.
"You look better." I looked over to see Draco. I nodded. "I just decided love sucks and I will never love anyone again. Fuck love and Fuck Voldemort." I shrugged. His shoulders slumped. "Not what I was hoping to hear. But at least you're eating again." I nodded.
"What brought around this new development?" I shrugged. "I think it was solidified when he fucked someone again last night. Even though he has to know the pain it caused me last weekend. That's not love. I don't know what it is. Because his emotions feel like love. But clearly nobody would purposely hurt someone like that, right after seeing the devastation it caused the first time if they loved them. I should have learned the first time. You can't trust anyone. And nobody will ever truly love me. But I guess I had to learn the hard way twice." I shrugged. Feeling cold and indifferent. 
He grabbed my hand and rested his head on the top of my head. "I'm sorry Hades. You know I will always love you. If you ever need to feel loved, even if you don't fully believe it, I will always be here." I nodded. "Thanks." I said quietly. Would I run to him? Probably not. But it was nice to know I had a place to fall I needed it.
"So tell me how your week was, since I was kind of tuned out." He began telling me everything they had been going on, everything he did, and all the spells he learned. Then he began pointing out all the cute guys from others schools. I smiled and listened. It was a nice distraction.
After breakfast, I decided to take Draco with me to the bank.
I walked in with my head held high. A few people subtly bowed their head as I walked by. Knowing the significance of me competing in the tournament and having no doubt I would win. I would give them a small smile of acknowledgment as I passed them. When I got to the counter I told the teller. "I want to get all my keys changed so Dumbledore no longer has access to any of my vaults." They nodded and quickly went about meeting my demands. "Would you like your lordship rings too?" I nodded. "Yes please." They quickly grabbed the Potter ring and Black ring and handed them to me. Draco grabbed my hand before I could put them on. "They go on your first finger. The Black ring will go on your right and Potter in your left." I nodded and slipped them on.
I looked over the gold rings. One had the Black crest on it and the other has the Potter crest. They both were Impressive and kind of bulky. I liked the weight of them on my hands. I nodded to the tell and we left.

There, I had just saved the rest of my fortune from being drained. Draco grabbed my hand and looked at me. "So tell me. What amazing magical fete did you have to accomplish to get into the tournament?" I looked at him and laughed. "a levitation charm" his mouth dropped. "No! It couldn't have been that easy!" I laughed and nodded. "It was. I got super frustrated because the only person who can remove an age line is the person who puts it up. So I lay there in bed think and it hit me how easy the solution was. And I felt dumb for not thinking about it sooner."
"No shit? Anyone could have done that, even a first year!" He exclaimed. I nodded. "Yep everyone was overthinking it."
I squeezed his hand and kept walking.

There was some negative press about me seeking glory and being an attention whore. But I ignored it. It didn't matter. I didn't give a shit about anyone's opinion of me. Or what they said. There was also more backlash on Dumbles. The made me smile. Less and less people trusted Dumbles and this just pushed more people to distrust him. As I expected the general consensus from people was that Dumbles probably entered me to get me killed, since I refused to be his pawn and I had outed him for stealing my money.
The light army was losing support fast.