The Reckless Reign (Book 3, The Culled Crown Series)

Chapter 45

Reubinon Palace, Pellarmus.
After the Third Corps execution.

Reports of bodies began to arrive the next morning. Kace was one of the first. The news arrived in a letter from Darragh. Heidi came shortly after to tell me details but I didn't want to know anything else. Maybe one day it might matter to me, but just then, it didn't. Whether Kace's corpse was burned or if he'd been shot or hung or...or if any other number of terrible things had happened to him. None of it changed the fact that my brother was dead. They'd found his identification card in his pocket along with a wrinkled paper containing radio coordinates and a hastily written note to my mother.

According to the reports, the note had simply read:

Mama,

I'm so sorry for everything.

I love you.

Kace

Hearing Heidi tell me about that letter brought back a million little memories. I wondered what words were said between my mother and Kace the last time they'd seen each other. I knew she'd scolded him for his involvement in my capture and in his loyalty to the Crown over his own family. And, goddess, we'd always cared so much about mother's opinion—I'd known that her words, even spoken in a form of reproachful love, would have cut him deeply.

The existence of this letter told a story too. It was evidence that my brother had believed he was going to die. He'd found some precious sliver time to write a few words of apology. The boy who had helped teach me to read, had used some of his last moments to write an apology because he still felt guilt over what had happened with me.

I wanted to scream at him.

I wanted to reach between the layers of time and space and tell him that I forgave him. I wanted to tell him that I understood why he'd made the choices he had. I wanted to tell him that I didn't like what he'd done, I didn't like that he'd chosen Viera, but I could never truly blame him for choosing our mother's safety over mine. I'd made my own treacherous bed in Erydia, he'd only tucked me beneath blankets I'd sewn myself.

"It's a slow process and many of the bodies have no clear way to identify them." Heidi had said to me. "Darragh should get a full list of known names in the next few days. I...I spoke to Dellacov earlier, he's been sitting in on a lot of the meetings with Britta and the others. He saw a revised list an hour or so ago. Dellacov said that Ambrose's name is on the list now too. I think Ambrose had his identification card on him too, that's how they know for sure."

And just like that, all hope was lost.

***

The next day, I dressed and went to Cohen's sick room. When I arrived, the bed was empty and Nadia was alone, curled up in a chair, her head tilted forward, her eyes almost closed. At my knock, she startled fully awake.

"What! What is—?" Her panic melted away as she caught sight of me. "Oh. Hey." She slid from the chair and hurried to where I stood. "Are you okay? Heidi—She was upset and worried for you. She said you'd gone on a run and then that the news about your brothers bodies being recovered had only made things worse. I—Neither of us knew what to do for you... I've been so concerned and I wanted to go to you, but after yesterday, Heidi thought you needed time."

"I'm here now."

Nadia's brow furrowed at that, but it was the best I could manage. There was no way I could lie to her and say I was fine. I wasn't, but I'd woken up with a drive to do something. I wanted a distraction. I wanted to feel like I was working towards a goal.