Rock Bottom (Sequel to How it Happened is Irrelevant)

7

Two weeks had passed since Thrasher finally cracked. In that time, more arguments that what should be considered healthy had occurred between TJ and I. I was about ready to just kick him out of the band, and I think that everyone else would be fine with that too. As can be predicted, the fans found out that we'd broken up. People were taking sides, most mine because TJ was really drunk whenever he performed. (He almost blacked out last night. That was the last straw).  We'd had the third intervention about his his drinking then, and he'd blown us off again.

But as angry as I was with him, every once in a while I'd look at him and see a sad puppy with its tail between its legs, standing next to a lamp that it'd broken, feeling terribly for it all the same. It was in those moments that my heart ached for him once again. This feeling was becoming more frequent by the day, and I didn't really know what to do with it. If I ever dared give TJ any hope of us getting together once more, he'd keep me under lock and key. On the other hand, making him happy again might just be the first step to keeping this band from falling apart. Part of me just said, 'fuck it, take one for the team.' The other part of me says that it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I'd be stuck in a relationship that I didn't want to be in, being the thin barrier between TJ and death, and single-handedly keeping the band together. That's a lot of weight on one man's shoulders. I just didn't know if I could do it. 

I'd decided to ask Ronnie about it, because he seemed to know everything. 

"What's going on?" He sighed, knowing what this would be about.

"I'm at a crossroads, and there's no right choice."

"Do you have a coin?" He asked. I was confused by this sudden question, but found a quarter on a counter. 

"Yes, I have a coin." I twirled it in my fingers. "Why do I need this?"

"I'm guessing that the crossroads has to do with either getting back together with TJ, or not doing it."

"That's right." I looked at the head side of the coin. 

"Now let's say that heads means you get involved with him again, and tails mean that you don't."

"Okay." I placed the coin on top of my thumb and my pointer finger, which would be how I would flip it. I flipped the coin. "Heads," I told him.

"You don't sound too thrilled about that."

"I'm not. You never dated TJ." I put the coin down. "I just don't know what to do."

"Don't get back together with him." He paused. "I've seen the headlines and posts, dude. You should get rid of him."

"I don't wanna do that," I said quickly. While I may have seriously considered it, it was the bottom line. The last thing that I wanted to do, but something that I could always resort to if the situation came up.

"It's so funny to me now how much you don't wanna see him," Ronnie pointed out. "There was a time when you worried you'd never be able to stop loving him."

"That was before I'd seen his worst."

"And would you want him to react the same way if you did this to him?"

"I would never-"

"You've had your struggles with alcohol too, Craig. Even if no one else can, I know you can put yourself in his shoes." 

"You aren't seeing what I'm seeing," I argued.

"I still stand by what I said. If you were doing this to TJ, he'd still love you just as blindly as ever. You and I both know that's true. If you were kicked out of the band, he'd stick by your side and say that they'd have to let both of you go or keep you. If you were crying yourself to sleep at night, you and I both know he'd do anything to make you happy again. He wouldn't let you starve yourself just because you gave him a hard time about it. I tell you Craig, you paint yourself to be the victim, but if anything, TJ's the better man here."

He'd given me a lot to think about. I wasn't expecting him to take TJ's side. But I appreciate that he did, because I really needed to hear someone tell me that I was being an asshole. You can't get too full of yourself. "Thank you," I told him.

"Now listen to me, with all that being said, TJ's made his handful of mistakes too. But there's been an appalling lack of communication between the two of you."

"Again, thank you." 

"Go talk to him." He hung up before I could get anymore words in. I hated that he was right. 

I found TJ nearly passed out in the back lounge. He looked up at me with a darkness in his eyes that I knew meant this whole thing was going to be a pain in the ass. I'll swear by what Ronnie says though. "We need to talk," I started. 

He sat up. "What do you wanna talk about now?" His words were sober, as was his voice. Maybe he was going pass out of exhaustion then.

"It took me three weeks to see that I have no sympathy in my heart," I started. "And a phone call with Ronnie, too." I pursed my lips. "You just made it really hard for me to see that. I guess I was just as blinded by hatred as you."

"I could never hate you," He told me. "Never."

"It's gotten pretty hard to believe that you still love me," I told him.

He put his hand against his temple. "Alcohol does things to your brain. My heart says I don't hate you, but my head says that you're the enemy." He dropped his hand. "I guess I've been listening to my drunken head a little too much."

"How long were you waiting to ask?" I asked.

He flinched at my question. "Two months. Just sitting there, waiting. And I wonder...." He looked at me. "I wonder sometimes if I would have rather you'd left me at the alter than on the tour bus." He stood up, and I could feel another argument beginning. "I mean, how long would you have led me on for?"

"TJ-"

"How long has it already been? I mean, this conversation is an obvious olive branch. Well, I resent your peace offering, Mabbitt."

"Sit!" I snapped.

"And another thing!" He jabbed at my chest, not listening anymore. "I'm sick of you ordering me around like an animal. I'll have you know, though you might not believe it, I am human! I might be a freak to you and all your little followers, but I am not your puppet. You can't train me." He tried for the door, but I grabbed the back of his shirt and locked eyes with him.

"You're right. I can't train you. You're not an animal." I wanted to say something furious back to him, but thought better of it. If TJ would be level-headed if our positions were switched, so would I. "It was wrong of me to lead you on in the first place, but I swear it wasn't happening for as long as you think it was. It isn't happening now, either."

"You think I'm dumb enough to believe that?" He wasn't listening to me. How could I get him to listen?

"Do you remember our first 'I love you?'" I asked. 

His expression softened. "Yes."

"I'd meant it then. Nothing that ever happened between us was fake, T."

"Then why did it have to stop?" He asked. When he walked away this time, I let him. He made a good point, though. If nothing that ever happened between us was fake, and I'm still struggling with half of a broken heart now, then why did it all have to stop?

But I knew why. It was that one warm evening in September.