Back To Darkness

Chapter 7: Time Heals All Wounds

After five weeks of visiting Akito on the weekends, Yuki was exhausted. He hardly slept when he was at the estate, his anxiety constantly bubbling beneath the surface. Akito had not lashed out seriously in several weeks, there had only been mild hitting and kicking which Yuki was well accustomed to. For hours Akito would whisper in his ear, taunting him, belittling him. Yuki grew used to this too, and his mind wrapped itself in its protective blanket of darkness once more.

When he returned to Shigure's house during the week he felt, if possible, even more exhausted. The effort to smile and talk and try to eat with the others drained him. At school he struggled completely. Focusing in class was becoming that much harder as he trudged through his days on only a few hours sleep, attempting to ignore the face from his nightmares which now leeched through in his waking hours. When he walked down the corridors he felt everyone was staring at him, sneering. He saw them appraising his weakness and thought they murmured behind their hands of how pathetic he was.

He was jumpy, and anxious. And tired. It had been a long five weeks...

At school on the third week, he had felt his mask tremble. He had been in class and then suddenly seemed to be in the midst of the cafeteria. He worried about the apparent lapses in his focus and memory. Judging by the clock he had been there for ten minutes. It was noisy, so noisy. He felt all his senses assaulted. The sound crashed down upon him, there was colour and movement and smell. He frowned, trying to collect himself and make sense of it. He realised he was sitting next to Tohru. Kyo was on her other side and Haru and Momiji sat across from them. He looked down and saw he had some pasta dish. He examined it curiously, noticing Tohru and Haru had the same. He thought he noticed Haru shooting him a worried glance. He began to pick at the food, having no appetite. Just then he heard his name. It was Tohru. What was she saying?

"...Yuki. Someone could have been seriously hurt!"

What was this? He tried to focus. Haru and Momiji's faces swivelled to look at him. Momiji looked confused.

"Sorry, what was that Miss Honda?" Yuki managed politely.

"I was just saying they should have been more careful pruning the roses. That cut could have been a lot more serious."

Yuki's breath hitched and he felt himself blushing. He'd been caught out. Momiji opened his mouth but Haru cut over him smoothly: "You're right, as always. But you know what they say, boys will be boys." He gave Tohru a foxy grin and raised an eyebrow. She blushed, completely distracted. As Kyo fumed down the table about Haru's "inappropriate behaviour", Yuki let out a sigh of relief. Haru gave him a sad, searching look. Yuki silently thanked him. They couldn't know he was so weak, so pathetic. He couldn't stand Tohru knowing that. Momiji didn't say anything more, for which Yuki was grateful; despite his immature behaviour, he knew Momiji understood about secrets.

One evening, after returning to Shigure's on the fourth week, Yuki had wandered to his garden and sat still, his mind blank for several hours. As the dusk faded to night, Tohru appeared. She was the only person Yuki had taken to his garden. It was his special place, his own. She approached gently and he didn't move. He wondered bitterly what she thought of him. Did she see the same despicable wretch Akito did? He shivered, and heard Akito's cruel whisper in the gentle wind which tickled the trees.

It didn't seem she felt that way. She knelt at eye-level and he gazed into her beautiful eyes, so kind and honest. She sat with him until he was able to convince himself the cruel whispering was just the wind, and come back to himself. When he blinked and shifted position slightly she seemed to know he was there. She stood and extended her hand timidly. Yuki vividly recalled Akito doing the same before a weekend of pain and darkness. He gulped and forced himself to react. This was Tohru. And she didn't hate him. Although maybe he was wretched, as Akito said, she didn't seem to hate him. He clung to that, and took her hand. It was small, warm and comfortable, very different to Akito's. They walked through the trees in peaceful silence, neither needing to speak.