Back To Darkness

Chapter 15: Revelations

The weeks trudged on.

The darkness clawed at his mind.

He resisted... but only just. Everything was so perfectly, precisely balanced...

One push... a slip... a stumble...

And he'd be gone.

The darkness would consume him.

.

School was difficult. He found it tiring. His mind was constantly caught in a battle with itself; both desperately wanting to think about... to process...the events of Akito's birthday... and simultaneously wanting to lose that memory forever.

Yuki didn't know what he wanted. He only knew it wasn't a good situation in his mind. Sometimes he found himself fully alert and aware. Everything would feel so bright and he'd feel that wonderful spark of life he associated with Tohru.

Other times hours could pass without his knowledge. He wouldn't be present, wouldn't be aware, wouldn't be feeling. And sometimes he really didn't want to feel.

Perhaps what scared him the most was that he liked both phases almost equally. When he was aware he felt that happiness, that energy, which life brought. But when he was numb he felt peace. And the peace was so quiet and relaxing.

It was safe. Life was bright and happy... but that meant it could also be dark and sad.

Maybe... he'd prefer the grey in-between world than further pain the world might offer him.

.

The weeks trudged on. And he managed.

Time spent with Tohru was still wonderful. And it was pleasing for him to be with Shigure and Kyo too. Hatori visited often to check on him. Yuki found this to be embarrassing, but it touched him too. He didn't spar with Kyo anymore; he didn't have the energy. Sometimes he zoned out, and he would catch his friends exchanging worried looks as he resurfaced. But still, everything was alright.

As more time passed he became used to this new routine. He adapted to it, accepted it for what it was. He kept his head above the water and bobbed along.

He hadn't been to the main house since Akito's birthday. Nor had he received any word from Akito since that ill-fated day.

But Yuki knew a day was drawing near that would require his presence there once more. As the weather turned colder and winter stalked ever closer he felt it in his bones, growing day by day, until he couldn't deny the knowledge.

His birthday was approaching.

It had always been a day Yuki dreaded as a child. Akito would either be immensely kind to him, showering him with gifts and compliments and cuddles, or excruciatingly cruel, with sharp insults and stinging slaps and biting lashes.

Yuki approached the dreaded day this year with much the same apprehension as always.

He was awake when the clock slunk over midnight, sitting hunched in the corner of his room. After several hours, when he could finally will himself to move, he dragged his weary body to bed. There he lay for several more hours, aware of very little but unable to sleep.

When the light finally pooled into his room and he deemed it a suitable time to rise, he got up stiffly and dressed.

The reception downstairs was warm. Tohru was beaming and Shigure was nodding and smiling with something akin to pride. Even Kyo gave him a gruff one-armed hug. The contact was unusual to Yuki but he surprisingly appreciated it. They were talking excitedly and it seemed Tohru had prepared a special breakfast. Yuki blushed. She shouldn't have bothered for him. But as she smiled at him that morning he found himself lifted up and swept along by the warmth, and for the first time in weeks he noticed again how very beautiful she was.