Lacuna . k.sj.

28

Warning: Mention of eating disorders!

"Hopefully, I can practice some dance moves tomorrow.  I must utilise the break to improve myself. I want to be better for ARMYS and for my members."

Jin thought before closing his eyes and drifting into a dreamless slumber.

Jin was woken up by some noises from the kitchen,
he rubbed his eyes, got out of his bed and decided to go check on what was happening.

On his way to the kitchen, Jin could hear the members talking , he wondered what they all were doing in the kitchen together.
Usually, it was him who got up early in the morning to make breakfast for them all .

"What are you guys doing ?" Seokjin asked as he tried to stifle a yawn.

"Good morning hyung ! We decided to prepare breakfast today as you deserve some rest. "

Hoseok said with a bright smile,  the smile was so bright that it nearly blinded Seokjin.

"Yeah! Go get washed up quickly so that we can start eating."

Taehyung added with an enthusiastic smile.

Seokjin was extremely touched by this and smiled at them thankfully .

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*Jin's POV *

After washing up , I went to the dinning table and saw all the delicious food the members had prepared and I was amazed to say the least.
There were bowls filled with kimchi fried rice, a plate full of toast and a big bowl of warm walnut porridge.

Even though I was not hungry at all, the food made my mouth water, I hadn't expected the boys to cook so well.

"Hyung, let's dig in! " Jungkook said with excitement laced in his voice.

I nodded with a smile and took a spoonful of rice but as I tried to bring it to my mouth all the excitement faded away, I started to feel extremely self conscious and my hands started to tremble .

"What is wrong hyung?" Namjoon asked

I looked at the member's faces and noticed that they were looking at me with worried eyes, I knew that they wanted me to eat and that they worked hard to prepare all this but I couldn't do it....I just couldn't bring myself to eat anything.

"Do you not feel like eating? " Yoongi asked with a gentle tone.

"I...I am sorry,  I will try to eat. " I replied as I really did not want to worry them .

"Are you sure you're okay with it? We don't want to force you. " Namjoon replied

I reluctantly nodded my head and put the spoon in my mouth.  The taste was marvelous but it was really difficult for me to swallow the rice as the voices inside my head were telling me to not eat it.

"Here, drink some water. " Hoseok said as he offered a glass of water

I accepted the glass and gulped down the water in one go. Even though it was only a spoonful of rice, I still felt like I've eaten too many calories and the voices weren't helping much either.

I looked at the member's faces and saw that they were all looking at me so, I tried to eat some more. This time I took a spoonful of porridge and ate it without thinking of anything else. 
I was really happy as I swallowed it but that happiness was quickly replaced by guilt as the voices were telling me horrible things.

"Hyungie, you are doing great. Please try to eat this toast now." Jungkook said as he took the toast and put in on my plate.

"No" I said firmly. I just couldn't eat any more, the guilt was eating me alive