25 Letters [h.s]

Letter 7

I somehow found myself in the McDonald's mere minutes from my house, sitting across from Louis Tomlinson. From what I knew about Louis, he took pride in his appearance; Always slicking his hair in such a way a small curl would appear in his dark brown hair, wearing only expensive black clothing and you could smell his sophisticated collagen from miles and miles away.

It was simple to see the flaws in Louis today, his hair was flat and he looked like he hasn't showered in four days, but he still carried himself like he was dressed head to toe in Gucci. Louis had bought my fries and milk shake for me and didn't order anything for himself. He told me he didn't eat fast food, 'too greasy and makes me feel like shit' he had answered when I asked him.

That made me wonder what Louis did for a living. From what Harry told me, his apartment was easily the nicest place he's ever been to, and looking out the window in McDonald's, his sleek black Mercedes Benz out shined the parking lot filled with rows and rows of Toyotas and old cars.

When I asked, he told me not to worry about it, waving it off like it was unimportant with a secretive grin, causing my speculations to heighten.

Louis watched me gulp down my milk shake and stuff my mouth with cheap fries, smiling whenever I caught his gaze.

"What did you want to talk about Anastasia?" I had to regain my composure and swallow my fries before I could handle to give him a response.

"Harry."

"Yes, you made that quite clear on the phone. I'm asking if you would like to know about the video, why I in fact could not save him." I suddenly felt so pathetic, I felt like the needy girlfriend that wouldn't let her boyfriend hang out with his friends.

"No Louis, I'm so sorry. I know you know you would have done anything you could have to save him. I'm sorry."

"No no don't apologize. I was actually scared that that was the first thing that was going to come out of your mouth when I showed you. You deserve an explanation." I was looking everywhere, avoiding Louis' face. I nodded, physically telling him to go on.

He took a deep breath in, compiling his thoughts, preparing to explain. "Harry. Wow Harry where do I begin? If you look closely at the video, he's standing right from the spot where he jumped. Those were probably his last words, his last thoughts. His last thought was you, did you not see how he couldn't bare to end the video, more importantly his life, before mentioning you? That was like most of our conversations. He wouldn't even realize he brought you up, it was so casual like you were obviously the only thing on his mind. Anyways, he probably jumped right after he hit send, I'm thinking I received it while he was free falling. It was around 2 am and I can't believe I'm telling you this because I've never spoke about this before. People would think I was insane, especially my therapist." He looked up and let out a shallow laugh. "When I got it, I ran. I ran straight out of my room, the backdrop in the video looked familiar, maybe, just maybe I could save him. I was spending the night at my Mum's house, just visiting. I ran barefoot, screaming his name. The bridge was a few minutes away from my house by car, but running barefoot at two am, it was millions of miles away. When I got there, the site was surrounded with police and ambulences, think maybe they could fix his broken bones and help him breathe again. I wanted to believe them, I wanted to believe that he wouldn't be broken anymore. In away he wasn't, they say the impact killed him in the first five seconds his body collided with the concrete.

"I didn't know what to do with myself, so I went home and got drunk off of Mum's cheap Vodka she kept hidden. I stayed in bed whole of that week, until I got these really bad dreams. Nightmares. I hated them, and the more I slept, the more I woke up in cold sweat.

"Then there was Harry's funeral, that took everything I had to get out of bed. My motivation was Harry, I knew he'd wanted me to be there. It took everything I had to put that suit on, to do my hair, to make myself look half decent. Then I saw you there, and I think it's safe to say you were a mess. Harry didn't know much people, but everyone he knew showed up and everyone wanted to say something about him. I think that says something about Harry. I was just his best friend, but seeing you cry, seeing you see your loved one getting buried, I knew I didn't have it the worst. You did, Anne and Gemma did. Harry obviously meant something to me, but Harry had affected your life the most out of all of us, let's face it. I knew since that day, I would die trying to make sure I kept you away from danger, just like I promised Harry. I don't know why it took me nearly two months to contact you again, but when I saw you at the dance recital, I knew it was fate."