25 Letters [h.s]

Letter 11

I was finally let out of the hospital, I was finally home. The familiar scent floated around the room, the smell of my mom's cooking or candles burning.

My mom had driven me home, telling me to get settled before lunch. My father and sister greeted me at the door with both big smiles and big hugs, my sister beginning to fill me in on all the drama I had missed, my dad wishing me well for recovery.

Everything became a sort of haze, if you can call it that. The lights began to focus and unfocus, the sounds from my family ran together. I couldn't tell one voice apart from another. Sweat began pooling on my forehead even though I was shivering.

"I need to get some rest." My words cut through everyone else's, silencing them at once and agreeing with hastily nods. I smiled, hoping to give them the message I was alright, and I took myself up to my room. My eyes scanned all the furniture, nothing has changed. For some reason I though that these inanimate objects would change and grow as I did. I know I was only gone for seven days, but I feel like I've changed enough for a lifetime.

I was drawn to the box, questions of curiosity clouded my brain. Did Louis do as he said he would and safely return the tenth letter? I investigated myself, making sure the room was locked before I pulled out the box. I shuffled through the envelopes, looking for the number ten on one.

My hands found it, picking it up from the box. I opened it one more time, finding Louis' handwriting scrawled messily across the inside of the paper flap.

"I put it back! Proud? -Louis"

He wrote in all capitals with a dried out black sharpie. It seemed like something Louis would do, it made me think of his hilarious jokes and his sarcasm that was almost as good as mine, I beamed at the thought.

Next I placed it back and shuffled though the envelopes in an attempt to find the 11th letter.

Dear Anastasia,

How are you tonight, Ana? Sadly I did not get the chance to see you today, making the day a little duller. I learn a little bit more about you and myself and just life in general when I'm with you. It feels like I've wasted a perfectly good day, I'll never get today back.

I guess it wasn't too bad though, I spent the day catching up with Louis. We did a lot, caught up in a coffee shop, played some golf, went out for some drinks. This has a point, I swear I'm not just telling you how my day went, this isn't a diary.

I'm telling you this because of something Louis said today.

We were talking about us and just relationships in general while we were having a beer. Louis told me that he was more of a hooking up guy, not a relationship type of lad. It's not that he doesn't want a relationship, he just has never ever found another human he admired in all aspects. Then right out of the blue Louis said, "I would kill to have a relationship like you and Anastasia."

It made me realize how lucky we were. I have you, you are mine and I am yours. Not only that but the world is so big, and I happened to stumble into you, Anastasia. Fate had somehow decided that I was supposed to meet you, this green eyed beauty that was incredibly smart and incredibly beautiful and somehow was attracted to me the same way I was attracted to her. It's really brilliant, how we, out of all the people in the country much less the universe, got the chance to meet.

I'm not going to lie, sometimes I feel like I shouldn't kill myself. Sometimes I remind myself how lucky I am to get lucky with you, that one day I will never be able to see you, but instead be wrapped in darkness instead of our sheets.

It's all so crazy, everything's moving to fast.

I wish you were here right now, Anastasia.