Basketball is Not Life

Chapter Twenty-One

Tears are streaming down my face by the time I make it to the driver's side. My keys are plucked out of my hands as I try to open the door. Parker is there, his arms wrapped around me. "Just breathe," he said, his words right against my ear.

If my parents followed me out, I do not know as he ushers me to the other side and gets me into the car. He gets in the driver's side, and he reaches over and buckles me in. He sits there, his knuckles are white, gripping the steering wheel, and I know he is fighting, leaving, and going back inside.

"It's not worth it. It would just be fighting fire with fire."

Ryan grew up with a shit head of a father, and for the longest time, I said it was okay because it was just how he was raised. It was a stage that he would grow out of it, but he never did. And the sick thing was when he broke up with me, I crumbled. Instead of being grateful for him letting me go, finally, I still craved his attention.

The tears start to slow as he drives me back to the house.

"Well, you now have another story to add to my collection. I never told anyone." I said, hugging myself. "My mom's face." I shake my head back and forth. "They probably hate me."

"Stop it, they don't." He said, rubbing his hand down my arm.

"No, they probably do. He is supposed to be their star point guard at Duke. How do they make that choice" my voice is small.

"It is pretty fucking easy, Ren. They pick you." It was the first time I ever heard him swore, his voice raw.

I shake my head. He doesn't get my life, and he should out of everyone; he should.

"Everything is about basketball. You don't..."He is pulling over, we are blocks from our house, and he just puts the car in park.

"Look at me." I glance over, his face soft, caring, the Parker I like. "I understand. But Ren, if they do not pick you, the easiest choice ever. Then fuck them. They are people you do not need in your life."

I nod.

He turns back in his seat and starts driving again.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"What do you have to be sorry about?"

"That I told them you were my boyfriend. I just saw him there, and I would like to say that part of me did it to protect myself. But I really wanted to show him I was doing better, that I didn't need him." I pick at my nails. "It just wasn't physical. Mentally it was almost every day."

"You have nothing to apologize for. And I will gladly stand in as your knight in shining armor anytime. I feel like a jackass."

"Why?" I look over at him. We are pulling into the garage.

"That first loss. I was such a prick just because you wouldn't drive from campus to the house with me." His face looks like pure terror.

I laugh, a very cynical laugh. "That was a cakewalk compared to what I am used to." He looks over at me, the ranger shut off, him staring at me. "You didn't deserve any of it. You never told anyone?"

I shrug. "I tried telling my mom the one time, and we got interrupted. I was pretty much living at our house by myself once basketball season started. And that was when he was the worst physically. I lied and said I fell down the stairs the one time, but it was actually him. Had to sit out two weeks my sophomore year. How she found out tonight, I thought no one would ever find out actually. I spent so many times covering for him."

We make it inside, and I stall out on the bottom landing, wrapping my arms around my legs. The house is eerily quiet after I had assumed the guys would have hung around. "It is like a bubble I never wanted to pop. He was my first everything; I just assumed it was normal. We were Homecoming King and Queen. We made the perfect match on the outside. But behind closed doors." I shutter; I had hardly allowed myself anytime to think about what our relationship was like. "I was so weak. Even now, part of me wants to go find him and hash it out. Even though I know that most likely...." I break off knowing what he would do. I had broken the one cardinal rule, I told. "What is wrong with me?" I look up at Parker, tears streaming down my face.