Midnight Series (camren version)

Chapter 45

butterfly

Dear Mistress,

Today was wonderful. You made me feel so many things. First, when I was sitting in the conference room and you were under the table, I felt like such a dirty slut, enjoying such a thing at work. I was turned on by the idea that people could see my face and would know what I was doing. I also felt scared that they might know. When one of my team members—his name is Shane— walked in while you were there, I thought for sure he would know, and it excited and humiliated me at the same time. Then later, in your playroom when you spanked me, it made me feel like the naughty girl I am, and yet I felt proud that my body, when pink with your handprints, pleased you. I was able to slip into what I've heard termed as 'subspace' during my spanking and while you were licking and drinking from me. I felt like an object there for your use, like my only purpose was to be a toy for you. And then, when you took my mouth and fed me your come, I felt so complete. Please, Mistress, if it pleases you, I'd love to experience that again.

Humbly yours, 

butterfly

I finished writing my journal entry. It had taken me quite some time, as I kept getting lost in thoughts of yesterday's events.

It was the first time I'd touched her cock, and I was surprised at her length and girth. I wasn't able to see it, so I had no actual idea of the size, but I knew that I couldn't get all of it into my mouth, and that it was thick enough to stretch my lips a bit to fit around her. I wondered why she never fucked me if she had a functional cock. The idea that it might be me hurt so much that I pushed it out of my head.

But she had come in my mouth, and it was amazing. It wasn't like I was an expert on come, but I'd tasted it a few times. It was always 'bearable' at best. Hers had been delicious, though—like vanilla and hazelnut. I wasn't sure I'd had candy that tasted that good.

And after, the way she touched me made me feel so special. She had confused me a bit when she said that I was strong, but I did actually feel strong. I felt more alive than I could ever remember feeling. I guess it was the adrenaline from being allowed to please her.

Pleasing her was the most important thing to me, and it's what helped me realize my feelings for her, as confusing as they were. I had fallen in love with a woman I'd never actually seen. It was the how and why it was happening that confused me. But there was no doubt—no confusion—about my feelings for that woman, my Mistress.

I didn't know how she felt about me, though. I wasn't even sure if I was the only woman she called and brought to her playroom. I tried not to think about it, because the thought of her doing to other women what she did with me made me want to throw up. I knew it was silly to be so possessive, and that I really had no right, but it did worry me. I never really thought about it when we were together. I kept my mind blank, thinking only of the tasks she gave me or about how much I loved what she was doing to me.

She never gave me clues as to how she felt about me, either. Well, she did a few times. The time she hurt my wrist, she'd called me Camila. It was the first time I'd heard her use my real name, though I knew she knew it. After all, she had my number, knew where I lived, and had even shown up at my work. I was sure she knew my full name. But last night, when I'd been serving her in the way I'd dreamed of, she had said "my butterfly" and "MINE" when she came into my mouth. It was almost like she was claiming me as hers. The thought made goose bumps appear on my body.

I wanted to ask her about it in my journal. I wanted so much to know how she felt—if I were the only one—and I wanted to ask her why I never was allowed to see her, touch her, have her inside of me. I knew it wasn't my place, though, and if I was honest, a bit of me was afraid of what she might say. What if she told me something that I didn't want to hear? I was open enough that I had asked her in my journal to let me try blowing her again, and I hoped that someday she might.