Midnight Series (camren version)

Chapter Seventeen

Mistress

I thought the first hour was the worst—the time when I didn't know where she was. The time I was worried she was lying in an alley somewhere, dying. I'll admit finding out that she was safe at my parents' house was better, but hearing that she didn't want me there seemed worse than not knowing where she was. I am a woman who is always in charge, and for the first time in my life, I was not in control of a situation that had the greatest impact of any I had experienced so far.

Camila's leaving made me question everything. Was I not a good Dominant? Was it that I didn't make her feel safe? She wrote the word mum and left the collar, leaving the lifestyle. For a moment, I even doubted myself enough to wonder if there was another person that she wanted to serve. I quickly dismissed the thought and hated that my mind had even gone there.

I called and texted my father relentlessly, asking how she was doing. He would only give me simple answers. She was "fine." I wanted to demand more, but I knew if I got too pushy, he wouldn't respond at all.

I was still having a difficult time processing everything. I didn't understand her leaving the pill. I understood her not wanting to take it and wanting to keep the child, but that was impossible. Her leaving me was only delaying the inevitable anyway. I'd planned on her taking the tablet and holding her all night, just kissing her while it took effect. It was the hardest decision I'd ever made, and the thought that the same thing was happening now—that my child's life was ending and the woman I loved was all alone—was a pain I didn't think I'd even live though.

After she'd been gone two days, I assumed that all of my effects had worn off and she was back to her human state. She'd be warm and fragile. Her skin would be soft, and she'd bruise again. It no longer turned me on; it worried me. And when I thought of her skin, I thought of her mark...how it would have faded by now. The thought of it being gone made me ill, and though I didn't sleep, I lay in bed for hours.

I went to work in the hopes that at least Taylor or Shane would come in so I could pump them for information if they'd seen her. No one showed up.

The weekend was hell, and when Sunday rolled around, I tried to resist the urge to go to my parents' for brunch. I knew she'd be there. I wanted to see her, to kiss her, to mourn our child together. Finally giving into temptation, I headed toward their house. I just needed to make sure she was alright.

I figured they'd be inside eating, and all I really needed was a glimpse of her. My thought was that if I could just see her face, see that she was okay, alive, healthy, and that she'd survived the miscarriage, I'd be alright. It wasn't that I thought I'd get over her—I knew I never would— but maybe, once she had healed, she'd allow me back into her life in some way. Even if she didn't want to be my submissive, I held out hope that we could have some sort of a relationship.

I parked down the road and decided to just walk along the beach. The plan was to get just close enough to the house to see her and then go, but I was surprised when I came around the bend and saw Shane skipping rocks across the lake.

"Lauren?" he asked in surprise before quickly looking behind him. I wondered if Camila had just been there. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't want to make trouble, Shane. I just need to make sure she's alright. Have you seen her?"

"Yes I've seen her and she's..."

I interrupted him. "Don't say fine. I can't take it if I hear fine one more time."

Shane sighed. "But she is fine."

"What does that even mean? Fine. Is she happy? Angry? Does she hate me? Does she even mention me? Is she ill?" I stared at him, waiting for an answer but he was silent. "Come on, Shane. Say something!"