Purple Prey: The Case of the Filthy Baboon

Chapter 8: His and Her Summer

I woke up in a room so dark I wasn't sure I was really awake. This must be one of the prison cells I had never had the opportunity to grace despite this being my third time arrested. I looked around me and was able to make out that there were three figures in the room with me. Could these be... my cell mates!? I prepared myself for whatever these ruffians would do to me. One of them reached towards me in the dark and I went limp, only for the hand to sail past me and flick on the light switch that was on the wall. Why, it was Elysium Forging! I should've known!

"We have electricity in a cell?" I groaned, adjusting to the light. I saw Venus roll his eyes behind her.

"No, you fucking idiot," he said. "This isn't a cell, and that's not electricity."

Elly retracted her hand and like a magician pulling a coin from behind one's ear, she revealed to me an angler fish that was now illuminating wherever we were, presumably activated by her squeezing its fishy body. I was positively disgusted but I composed myself well so that none of these lesser beings would notice.

"So where ARE we?" I asked, unable to tear my eyes from the fish's illuminated lure. Venus rolled his eyes at me again.

"Isn't it obvious?" he asked rather rudely, if I do say so myself. It was NOT apparent and I almost got REALLY riled up, but then Cosmic of all people stepped into the light of the deep sea fish.

"I accidentally transported us to yet another dimension... as I regained consciousness I could not withhold my power and I blinked us away." he muttered sadly and unconfidently and I punched the air victoriously at his tonal change. I didn't tell him or anyone else, but I was very happy to have the old Cosmic back and even happier that he had saved us from the headmaster and his guilt-tripping. Cosmic clearly felt hopelessly guilty for the accidental transportation as evidenced by the way that he had broken down in tears (c is da toot of crakter?).

"Obsidian!" he wailed, clutching the bottom of my neatly pressed shirt. "I cannot thank you enough for tasering me! I could save you all because of it!!" I flicked his forehead and he fell backwards immediately and started to grovel. This was the stuff. This was how life was meant to be.

"Stop that, Obsidian," Elysium spoke back to me, "It's not the time. We have to figure out what kind of area we're in." I sniggered but did not resume my shenanigans.

"There's a door over there," Elysium pointed to what was indeed a door.

"We haven't opened it cause it might be dangerous," Venus nodded. "So we were waiting for YOU to wake up." I got up and ran at the door, smashing through it and falling into the new location that was waiting for us.

I fell onto the ground immediately, gravel indenting into my face, and I glanced up to notice we had been in some sort of gilded carriage. I turned my head in the opposite direction to find we were in the setting for some kind of white wedding which puzzled me, since there were no guests (apart from us I suppose). I heard Venus, Elysium and Cosmic leave the carriage and all three of them trampled me as they did so. I popped upright like one of those inflatable punching bags and walked forward, careful to avoid walking down the aisle since I wanted to save that experience for a special day of my own.

But that day was not today so I was a little surprised when approximately one hundred people appeared out of nowhere and began to fill the chairs facing a large white marble arbour. I was the only one of my little posse that could pass as appropriately dressed to attend a wedding, but I was still surprised when none of the guests seemed to notice our conspicuous behaviour. Cosmic was wearing his trademark overalls, Venus was still dressed in the prison outfit that filled me with such dismay about my own appearance and Elly, of course, was wearing her best espionage outfit (because of events that transpired before this book). Though, despite the appearance of our rag-tag bunch o' friends, I CANNOT stress how little attention we received from the "guests". I was gutted at the lack of attention and could not contain my heart wrenching screams, though everyone continued to act as though we weren't even there. Elysium came to me to quiet my bellowing since she was trying to think and I acknowledged my actions were quite disrespectful to that. She caringly dragged me by the hair over to where Venus and Cosmic had sat down, ready for the wedding to really begin.