Purple Prey: The Case of the Filthy Baboon

Chapter 16: Death of the One-Toed Ferret

Our steaks were brought to us in record time. Steel Tribunal was kind enough to bring them to us himself. Though I would've considered a greater kindness if he'd let someone more attractive do it. We were trying to eat after all. I averted my eyes from his face as best as I could. I made eye contact with Venus as he was doing the same. I smiled lovingly and he smiled back. I kicked my feet giddily under the table, I was just so darn happy with my new life!! My foot collided repeatedly with something under the table. I assumed it was a table leg, or perhaps, if my luck had not run dry, Cosmic's denimed leg.

I swung my body down to look under the table as a feel of unease had begun to stir within me. I wasn't quite sure what I was looking at! under the table was the battered body of something that looked almost like a ferret, though it was much too stubby. I took its limp wet form by the tail with my thumb and forefinger. I pulled it out from under the table. I tried to examine this hideous rag further, but then a holler erupted through the trap music.

Steel tribunal hoisted me into the air by the makeshift collar of my big red dress.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?!" he cried. To say he was an ugly crier was an understatement.

"BACK OFF ME OR WE'LL MARRY YOUR GIRL!!!" I tried to struggle free. He didn't like that. Not one bit. He whipped his arm around, throwing me across the saloon at violent speeds. I hit the wall with a wet crack. For a moment I was confused at the sound, before I realised that I had been impaled upon the horns of the deer head mounted on the saloon wall.

"How could you do this?" Steel had fallen to his knees in anguish. "Do you have any idea who you just mangled? That was Tight Eyez, the most favoured and prized of my ferrets! He was the oldest of them all, the first ferret I ever owned! He was two weeks away from his 50th birthday! You will pay for this, Obsidian Leviathan."

Steel began stomping his feet, his chest waz popping, and his arms were swinging every which way. I felt fear coursing through my veins. I knew what was happening. I considered trying to get help from my companions but I decided against it. I needed to show Venus that I was someone he could rely on when krump came a-calling. Even still, I knew what was coming would not be pleasant.

We were about to engage in a good ol' fashioned krump battle. I needed to get down from these antlers. There would be no way for me to stomp from up here. I popped and popped my chest, dislodging myself, being careful not to move my shoulders too much (a HUGE krumping no-no). I burst out, just before I hit the ground with my most rugged buck stomp, I clasped both hands together and swung at Steel Tribunal, taking his hideous head clean off.

Whilst i was still descending, I imagined a rugged mean buck stomp would be inappropriate after a lethal killing move. I needed to downplay this. make it look like an accident.

I landed purposefully sprawled on the floor beside the dismembered ghoulish head. I keeled in false agony as everyone gasped and screamed and retched.

"wh-what happened!? I don't know what happened!!!!" I wept, faking my naivety. I know exactly what I did. With scarcely even a taunt, I finished him. I got him off.

I travelled over to where my friends were still seated at their table, eating their steaks though with much less enthused expressions than the ones they held before. I sat back down to finish my own meal, already planning out my fable on the off chance that someone was unsure of my innocence. As I munched away to the sounds of horrified and disgusted screams (his face did not look any better post mortem). As I did though, Elly leaned over to me and whispered, "Obsidian, I've known you for our whole lives. You NEVER make mistakes like that during a spiritual round. Maybe it wasn't the best idea for you to kill him off like that."