The Grey In Black And White {COMPLETED}

Grey Thoughts

My demons are begging me to open up my mouth. I need them mechanically make the words come out. I sold my soul to a tripese and he told me I was holy. He’s got me down both knees, it’s the devil! It’s trynna hold me down.”

Halsey- Hold me down.

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What exactly is happiness though? What exactly defines happiness?

Was it those little moments when a person laughs at something funny or smiles at something lovely?
Or was it the moments spent with loved ones?

Was it those moments when you forgot about your troubles for a while? Or those moments when you listen to a song that makes you smile? Or when another person’s happiness just makes you happy?

What exactly is peace? Was it the calm one felt during sleep? Was it knowing you were done with exams and could finally rest? Was it the feeling one got from listening to the sounds of rain dropping and creating beautiful symphony? Was it the sense of calm one felt when you get a whiff of the smell of rain and sand?

What exactly is love? Was it caring for people around you? Was it being able to feel another’s pain as yours? Was it just being in love with a person for their personality and wanting them happy at all costs? Was it giving to the needy? Was it showing the love of Christ?

The person couldn’t stop these thoughts. Sitting on their bed, looking at the ceiling, the thoughts kept flowing into each other.

Happiness. Peace. Love.Three things that are so simple yet seem difficult to attain. Every day, everywhere, people walk about smiling and happy.

But did that mean they were happy? Did that mean they were at peace? Did that mean they love and were being loved?

As they lay on their bed, the questions kept popping up. Maybe they were becoming philosophical. They chuckled at that thought.

If happiness was someone laughing and smiling easily, then maybe they were happy.

But that happiness didn’t last once they were alone. Did that mean they weren’t happy?IF peace was any of those things, then maybe they had peace then.

But at that moment, they didn’t really feel at peace with all these thoughts running about.

If Love was any of those things, then they definitely showed love. But why does it still feel incomplete. Why didn’t any of those three feelings feel real? Were they really happy? Were they really at peace?

Love. That should be the foundation of these feelings. They had love from family and friends. So why did they feel this way.The more they thought about it, the sadder they became.

The saddest part was that they knew the reason. No matter how much they would like to deny it, they knew why those three feelings didn’t feel real.Love was actually the foundation.

Not love from people around. No not that. That type of love was important too. But that wasn’t the most important type.

Self-Love.

That was what they were missing. The ability to love themself. That was what they lacked. And that was why the happiness, peace and love they felt was only temporal.

Those feelings disappeared once they become alone with their thoughts.

Although knowing the cause of the emptiness they felt should be a start to feeling better and getting better. But to them it wasn’t.They didn’t think they could ever love themself. That was a luxury they didn’t deserve.

It was easier to love other people. Those people deserved it. Thinking about all these wouldn’t change a thing.

They were undeserving of love. Tomorrow, they’d laugh in front of their friends. Tomorrow they’ll latch onto the temporal peace, happiness and love they’ll feel around their friends.

They didn’t even deserve to be alive even but they’re lucky they are.They might never forgive themselves or love themself. But at least they can try to make others happy, make others feel loved and at peace.Maybe that way, they’ll be able to redeem themself.

Maybe.

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I guess it’s true when they say a writer’s mood affects their writing. Lol.

Thoughts on this chapter? I know it’s short but it’s important for the character development.

The idea just came to me to take you into this character’s head. So here we are.

Who do you think was having these depressing thoughts?

And why?

And if you have answers on the questions the character had, drop them in the comments too.

Leave a vote if you liked the chapter. A comment if you can, to let me know your thoughts. XoXo.