Star Crossed

Corridor of death

Dead. Galen was dead.

I fixed my attire, jaw set. There was no time to linger. It had been nearly a year, already. A year since I had seen his smile, the golden flecks in his eyes, the discreet quirk of his lips. Such a long year, where sadness had crushed my back, and loneliness my hopes. But I held true to my promise, I couldn't falter. For once, Elya, the young woman, had something worthy to accomplish. And so I would, should I die in the process.

But death was not an option. Who would look after Jyn if I couldn't reach for her? Who would tell her how her father died a hero? How he loved her, and sought every possible way to return? How he cried in my arms when her birthday came? Jyn couldn't possibly remember the great man that was Galen Erso, and she never would if I didn't manage.

I had a promise to keep. That last vow I made before Vader force choked him in front of my very eyes. I fell upon my knees, burying my head in the blanket that once bore his scent. It was his favourite spot to sit, so much that, in the end, the synthetic fibers smelt of him. I had no tears left to shed for this great man. The purpose of sabotaging the future battle station had replaced my shattered heart.

My only friend, gone ... leaving an orphan behind. Time to go.

The corridors looked different, more sombre, almost leaky. Had the Kybers modified their structure? Transparisteel and duracrete didn't feet the same under my palm as I ran. Ran for my life, legs pumping in the maze of corridors. Where was this stupid hall again? I couldn't remember.

Left, left. Blood pounding in my ears, heart pumping, I pushed myself further and further. Voices echoed in the corridor. My blood froze; Krennic's men. They knew I was trying to escape! Fuck them all! Did they realise they were working to the destruction of the universe? That they were creating the Death Star?

I had failed, in all manners, at sabotaging it. All my attempts blocked, I was simply not clever enough. He called me brilliant... Once said I could have done it on my own. But it wasn't true... Galen would have managed, I didn't. Worse, Krennic had suspicions.

Enraged by my own stupidity, there was only one thing I could do; flee, and find Jyn. Take her to the most remote planet of the universe, and keep her safe until... Until the empire swallowed us whole.

When had things gone so badly?

I knew exactly the moment my world shifted. When those dark fingers twitched, extending to Galen Erso. I could remember the harsh breaths of Darth Vader by my side, the blankness of that mask, the suffocating sounds beside me. And I, rooted to the spot, unable to help him as he died on his feet, his throat crushed by the Sith Lord. His eyes, when he collapsed on his knees, conveyed so many emotions. Sadness and trust, hope... Hope that I would keep my promise and treat Jyn well.

From that day, I had found myself alone once more, with only a memory of him in that holocron. His hair swept aside in that uniform he wore so well, tall and proud, the most brilliant scientist of the galaxy about to unleash a circumvoluted plan. A plan, bigger than myself, to introduce a breach in the structure. But those other teams – Galen had spent weeks cajoling them – didn't want to dance with my tune. Alone once more, I had miserably failed.

The sound of a blaster startled me ... half a second before a hot, blinding pain sent me to the ground. I gasped, molten lava burning my upper back, trying to claw at the wound as I rolled about. The corridor's steel was cool to the touch, the rest of me burning. Nothing could possibly quell the searing pain, that sensation that my muscles had been pried open. Tears leaked from my eyes as I tried to regain my bearings, grunting in the effort.

When at last, I managed to focus, it was only to find a pair of black boots I knew well. Krennic's boots. His voice, that accented tone that had cajoled me in the past, echoed in my ear.

"I am soooo disappointed, Elya. I loved you like a daughter, and you betrayed me."

Fear crept up my spine, overlapping the burning of the blaster hit.

"Goodbye," he whispered.

The last thing I saw where his washed blue eyes, so cold that even the ice felt warmer. Another blast landed upon my chest, burning my uniform into my skin. Agony. I cried out, this unbearable pain seeping into my bones, burning my body to a crisp. My heart stuttered. Breathing became unbearable, but my eyes wouldn't cry anymore.

Failure, once more. Poor little Elya, growing up I the shadows of a master manipulator and a brilliant mind, taking on more than she could chew.

Little Elya was dying, hopeless, useless.

As I took my last breath, a glowing form appeared before me. Galen Erso, all light and tendrils of brightness, knelt by my side. My heart stopped, and still I watched him, mesmerised. His glowing hand landed on my cheek. The pain ebbed away, little by little.

I couldn't cry; my body was dead. What would he say?

I expected him to frown. To yell his disapproval. To call me a failure, to kick my ass. He should have yelled at me to stand my ground! To keep my promise, at the very least. Come on Elya, stand up and run!

He didn't say a thing.

I'm sorry, my eyes told him. Galen's hand caressed my dead skin, and shook his head in defeat. A shiny droplet ran along his cheekbone, a thousand suns shining within.

I shot awake, sweat trickling down my back upon the foam sarcophagus I was sleeping on. Panting, I reached for my chest, only to find my uniform shirt soaked. What the hell? A shiver racked my frame, the memory of my death too fresh in my mind. I usually wasn't plagued by bad dreams, but ever since I had left Eadu ... it happened. I had never loved changes so much, and this new environment took its toll. Buried two thousand feet under the surface of that Ocean Planet didn't sit too well by me. My muscles ached and my heart was still unsettled. Blast that nightmare!

Was it the responsibility of leading the team, too heavy on my young shoulders? That dream only exposed my fear of failure, after all. I wish I could speak to Galen plainly, but our communication went through the Holonet, so we had to keep our reports boringly factual. Even if people thought we slept together, we weren't about to flaunt affection through official channels. And it wasn't soft words we wanted to trade, but war plans.

It was almost a game between us, to speak sentences than meant the exact opposite. Where "good" meant "bad", and "success" meant "failure. I could read him so well now, the gleam of alarm in his hazel eyes when things seemed to work, the twinkle of satisfaction and amusement when the Kybers refused to cooperate. The tension at the corner of his mouth when someone was watching, the overwhelming annoyance whenever Krennic asked to speak to him.

Right. I missed our moments, out of the surveillance system, where we could speak plainly. And if this dream was true, then I had overlooked how I worried that he might be uncovered in my absence. Spooked, I grabbed the dull vest of my uniform and trod along the empty corridors of the underwater base. The deep waters, a dark blue blanket, danced around us as if we didn't exist.

Below, way down, the Kybers were gently glowing. Alive, and connected through the liquid. But not charging to full capacity. Good. Another failure for the science team, another victory for us. Happy Kybers only created hum, unexploitable. Galen would be pleased.

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