Star Crossed

Bittersweet bliss

Here's a gentle chapter before things go south. See, I take good care of your nerves 😉

There were no secrets anymore. Not between us anyway. I knew Galen felt guilty towards Jyn; did she expect his return, or had she given up on her father altogether ? Those thoughts so often roamed his mind, more present than they had ever been because of this happiness we had unexpectedly found. Yes, I knew Galen felt guilty for relaxing in my arms; I could read it in his eyes. When I slept alone, shivering in my cold room – we were careful not to spent every night together to avoid changing our previous pattern - I wondered if it would eventually tear us apart. Would Jyn's ghost be our downfall, when Lyra didn't stand in our way ?

But no matter how much Galen loved his daughter, we couldn't help gravitating around each other like twin suns. I didn't know what to call it; I was no stranger to lovers. It even had sex friends and the odd boyfriend. Nothing came close to that. Our attachment was so much deeper, stronger, and rooted into the very cells of my being. We were partners, companions of misfortune, colleagues, captains of our sinking ship and brothers in arms all at once.

That sense of exhilaration allowed me to consider this relationship without the ever-present planning and analysing that usually occupied my brain. I allowed myself to watch Galen's mannerisms, the way his eye twitched whenever Sahali pissed him off. I learnt him as I had learnt his scientist side, from his favourite food to the micro expressions of his beautifully chiseled face, hidden to the lab, hidden to the world. But not to me. For I knew him better than anyone here, and could now read him with a simple look.

Those evening we passed in private always made me giddy with anticipation. Galen taught me that emotions could make me strong. That vulnerable wasn't weak. I spent countless hours caressing his face, his back, his torso. Warm skin, chestnut curls marred with a little white. My fingers couldn't get enough of his hair; they were the most peculiar colour – dark blond and brown mingled, with little streaks of grey – and silky soft. Long enough for my hands to play.

That ritual often pushed Galen to drift to sleep while my fingers idly caressed his hair. I loved to watch his unguarded face; he seemed much younger without worry marring his features. Without that cloud hanging in his eyes. Almost carefree, it gave me hope that he might, one day, be happy again.

The pendant to those delightful moments came in the form of Krennic; he seemed tense, and called me to his office more often. I struggled to reassure me former mentor that we were making progress in charge capacity. Nothing but the truth. I saw those meetings like a battle of wills, with each of us putting pawns on the board, and neither willing to relent. If Krennic was a skilled manipulator, I could now use Galen's insight and ideas to feed him what he wanted to hear. The director, cold blue eye twinkling, was satisfied that I held Dr Erso under my control.

Control was a word he relished in.

I would never admit that it couldn't have been further from the truth. Galen was my master in every way. He populated my thoughts at day, my dreams at night, my body in the evening and my hopes in the morning. Never had I surrendered so completely to another. And if my world now revolved around him, I wasn't about to complain because he brought colours into that new universe. Everything felt more intense, livelier, even the stupid weather of Eadu. We dreamt of colourful shores and white capped mountains together. Of sunshine caressing our face.

So when Galen succumbed to slumber, I allowed my mind to wander. Would Jyn be here, and the little boy I had seen ? Hopping around in green fields of an unknown planet ? The image brought a smile to my lips, and I kissed Galen's temple before I ordered for the lamps to switch off. His warm body was so welcoming that I nestled for the night, lulled to sleep by the soft sound of his even breaths.