Chapter 1.5: Realization

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There's a way to fix my situation.

Fix.

Wholly or able to do something again or better.

This part of me that I have always been quelling, has answers, gives freely. This is what I need! Or at least what I think I need. Thoughts, so fleeting it's like trying to catch a leaf blown by the wind. But it's a hope, filled with potential.

But I have to choose, who do I want to return, if I want to go with this at all. Do I? This seems wrong, I know I can fix this. I know I should. But the doubts return, can I do this? Is it worth it? Why not? Why would you even consider this?

Like an influx of possibilities that I'm supposed to be able to see through and make sense of. I have no understanding of what's going on. Why would I? No one ever explained to me what my powers were, they just trained me. To be a weapon. Their weapon.

This isn't right. My realization jolts me. This isn't right, I shouldn't need to do this. I can at least try other options first, we don't have to go to the dramatics immeaditly.

"No"

No? Is this your answer?

"It is for now" I must remain true to myself, I can't risk mistakes so soon after my last very public one.

Very well, but should you want to try, just ask.

"Very well" 

And the entity actually leaves me. I feel it, flowing out of me and I buckle. I never knew how much pain and weight it was holding back. But I know I can manage, and I walk out of the cottage I have been hiding in for the past week and sit outside on the steps.

And I feel free.

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