Phriends Against Physics

Chapter 8

"Hey, Milo," Jimmy greeted the fellow television star as he entered the kitchen the next morning, "you look a little green." Milo staggered over to the kitchen island and slumped onto one of the barstools. "Too much zucchini crap last night," he answered. Jimmy stifled a laugh as he poured himself a cup of coffee. "Don't worry, you'll catch up," said the Tonight Show host, then coughed and quietly muttered, "Amateur!" Milo raised an eyebrow at Jimmy. "What did you say?" Realizing he had not been subtle enough, Jimmy did a ~panik~ and said, "Um, nothing. Nothing at all. I never have anything to say." But it was to no avail. Milo had heard Jimmy call him a zucchini crap amateur, which is never to be taken lightly. It is probably the worst way to insult someone. Milo squared up, and Jimmy did the same. "If you freaky, then own it," taunted Jimmy. Milo glared at Jimmy and answered, "Uptown funk gonna give it to ya," and was about to swing at him when Foamy inserted herself in between the two men. "Woah hey ohhh!" she interjected. Milo and Jimmy coughed and cleared their throats awkwardly and went back to what they were doing, pretending they hadn't just been caught acting like four-year-olds. "Now boys, what in the world is going on down here?" Laughing, Jimmy answered, "Sorry, Foam, but look at Milo!" Foamy turned and focused on Milo's face, which looked pretty green. Foamy covered her mouth to stifle her own laughter and turned back to Jimmy. "Looks like someone couldn't handle their zucchini crap last night!" Jimmy and his wife exploded in fits of laughter, causing Milo's face to turn from green to bright red as he began to slink away to his room. "No, wait, come back!" Foamy called after him. "I'll make you some coffee and your zucchini hangover will be gone before you know it." Milo begrudgingly made his way back to the kitchen island as Foamy poured some coffee into a mug and slid it across the island to where he had been sitting. Milo sipped his coffee and immediately his face returned to its normal hue. "See, what did I tell you? I went through the same thing when I first moved here," said Foamy. "We didn't have much zucchini crap back in Minnesota, so I wasn't used to it when Jimmy and I moved in together." Jimmy added, "I insisted on taking her to SRNY every night because it's my favorite, but it took her a while to build up enough of a tolerance." Milo nodded and replied, "Yeah, that stuff was potent. But somehow, I want more of it?" Jimmy and Foamy made eye contact and nodded. "Completely normal," they said in unison. Naomi entered the kitchen about two minutes later with the same green color in her face. "You, my dude, need some coffee. Badly." Foamy poured another cup and slid it to her friend, who drank it and also felt better. "Ahh, that's better," said Naomi. "I haven't eaten that much zucchini crap in years!" Foamy answered, "Well get used to it, because that's pretty much all we ever eat in this house!" Naomi giggled and clapped her hands as she finished her coffee. Milo grabbed the coffee pot out of Foamy's hands to pour himself and Naomi another cup. "This stuff is a lifesaver," he said. Suddenly, Jimmy returned from the bathroom, where he had been peeing for the last couple of minutes. "A lightsaber?!" he inquired, confused. "No, I said the coffee's a lifesaver for the zucchini hangover. You know, 'cause I'm an 'amateur," answered Milo. Ignoring this passive-aggressiveness, Jimmy shrugged and said, "Oh. I thought you said lightsaber, which reminded me of my old friend Darth Vader. I miss him and I wonder where he is these days, and what he's up to." Then a light bulb went off in Milo's mind. "Oh, speaking of which, I just remembered the reason I came here in the first place!" Milo exclaimed. Confused, Jimmy and Foamy cast confused looks in his direction. They were confused. "I, uh, got this weird call on my phone that I wanted to tell you guys about," he continued. Then it all came back to Jimmy and Foamy: Milo needed their help.