I've Changed

7. promises

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Jae's pov

Yeah...

I'd rather have Ellie degrade and fuck me over on repeat than walk in silence with her.

It's so oppressive. For something very simple like walking, she does it so determinedly. To a point where I believe she has forgotten about me and I'm just a lost puppy trailing behind. How can she belittle someone this easily?

When I try to open my mouth and start a conversation, I swear she either rolls her eyes, groans, or both. Perhaps I'm overreacting and it's all in my head yet it certainly feels this way.

Like any sane human being, I try to keep my distance until I find an opportunity to speak to her. But from this pace, it seems as though it won't be anytime soon.

I busy myself by thinking about how impressed I am by this change. She has grown into an entirely different person. From someone who used to struggle under the public eye to a leader who took initiative in our team meeting. I can't help myself and be proud of her success.

There's this lingering curiosity of discovering more of these accomplishments and how she managed to achieved them. There's no doubt that she's capable and did it on her own. That although she appears assertive and wise, I sense that there's a deeper meaning to it all because as much as I'm happy for her, there's a kind of sadness and rage behind those brown eyes of hers.

It keeps me wondering about the possibilities, and there's potentially a part of myself that's worried. But what can I do exactly? It's not like I'm of any significance to her anymore. I'm irrelevant and only a memory...a very old one that has faded away.

We begin our walk through the department. I gaze through the various rooms and facilities in which I keep in mind because they may be useful later on.

The sound of her ringtone shocks me for some reason. I release a breath, grateful it's her phone since I'm not prepared for a conversation just yet.

"Hello?" She says. "Malcom, I'm not going to do that...then raise the budget yourself...No."

The tone of her disapproval has me stalling behind her. As if she can sense it, she turns and analyzes how far I am from her then, the slightest smile appears on her face before continuing forward.

I catch up and try to ignore the embarrassment. "Just get it done. I'll talk to you later. Bye!"

"Work?" I assume from the way she speaks to the other person on the phone.

"Yeah," She shrugs, leading us down another hall.

This is my chance.

I bite my lip and take a breath.

"How are you?" I might as well slap myself across the face because I didn't expect to start a conversation like this. Especially to someone I hurt more than once in the past. This will not be easy.

"I'm fine, you?" She's blunt with the response.

Yup, doomed.

"Great!" I look down at our perfectly timed steps as an excuse to drag out the silence because I'm honestly clueless on what to say or do. It used to be easy but everything changed, that's evident, so I don't know how to approach this at all.

But Ellie...she's enjoying this. I know she is because I'm making fun of myself too.

She manages to guide us to the main entrance. I look around the lobby and it's empty, reminding me of how late the meeting ended. We approach a set of doors, and I open one of them for her. She looks at me dead in the eye, before completely disregarding my gesture and opening the other door herself.