Thoughtless | BTS Namjoon

Chapter 8

The first time for years I was hiding, and I sent other people to deal with my job. For more than a week I nearly refused to leave my office. For me there was no way of being able to see the band.
Amara did all the jobs which included the presence of a manager with BTS, attending the practice or shootings. Whatever, I decided to deal with my job to finally get a rid of the huge amounts of work on my desk. Sleeping, again, became a burden to me and I avoided going home as much as possible. Napping was my regular sleep.

"Could you bring them their schedules for the upcoming week? Thank you." Amara just nodded and left my room with the sheets of paper. She knew something was wrong, it was impossible not to notice it, but she didn't made any attempt to push me. My mood was far too fickle for that.
The messages which kept popping up on my phone, I didn't read them and muted them.
As something started to vibrate, I looked up from the computer in front of me to see that Amara forgot her phone. With a sigh I took it and made my way out of the office to give it to her before she would meet up with the members.
But when I opened my door and stepped outside, I ran into a slightly hard body.

"Ouch, I'm sorry ..." Recognising Jungkook I stopped speaking, especially when I saw the look he gave me. Filled with anger, disappointment and sadness.

"So you are still alive?" Guilt was rising inside of me, we were friends and nothing of all these issues were his fault. But I just cut him off.

"Jungkook, I'm sorry that I didn't respond to you texts..." He cut me off and crossed his arms in front of his chest, giving me a stern look.

"Bullshit. What happened? Namjoon hyung is barely talking to anyone, not to talk about his habit to stay in his studio the whole night. And you are sending Amara to do everything with us, we haven't seen you for a week!" A few times I inhaled deeply, preparing myself for my well studied mantra of the past days. The maknae was staring at me, daring me to answer him.

"I'm your manager, and it was a stupid idea to go any further. It could ruin everything you achieved, and also my reputation. I could loose my job." His jaw tightened.

"Then, why are you avoiding us? If everything is so logical." My gaze left his eyes and I shifted my weight from one side to the other, trying to decide if I should tell him.

"Koo ..." He shook his head and closed his eyes while he interrupted me.

"No. As long as you are not telling me the truth, we are no friends. Friends don't lie to each other." Loosening his shoulders he started to walk past me when I touched his arm.

"Could you give Amara her phone please?" Hissing he grabbed the phone and left me behind. The anger and disappointment hurt me deeply and I hugged myself, going back into my office.

The whole day I stayed at BigHit, unwilling to go home because of the loneliness I would feel being there. At the company I was at least busy, without room to think too much. Until ten in the evening I worked out the schedules for the coming weeks until the band would leave for Malta. My mind was completely in working mode, what also meant that I didn't sleep. My body felt heavy and each movement became hard, but if I would have tried to sleep, it wouldn't have worked. The sleep I got contained little naps I had during the nights.
As much as I hated it to admit it, the situation was worsening my already bad body condition. Still, it was the best for all of us if I just focused on my job. With that intention I decided also to get my body back in line, or at least try it.
The satisfied nod I gave myself was the last movement in my office that day, before I went to the car park and drove home.

Again I felt the uneasiness overcoming me and I tightened the grip on the steering wheel. There was nothing to be afraid of, the house was the same as I was used to. But the pain in my chest told me a different story.
I missed Amara and Jungkook, and Jin, and Hobi, they filled the rooms with so much laughter and joy. But my life teached me one thing, everything has its price. And keeping my job, had the price of keeping distance.