Thoughtless | BTS Namjoon

Chapter 16

Hello my dear readers 💜

I has been quite a while since I last updated and the number of reads definitely rose A LOT... Thank you for reading my story. Thank you for waiting for a new chapter. I'm ver happy every time I see a comment under my chapters and I hope you won't be upset that the first update after a long time is not quite a happy one 👀 

Enjoy this chapter of 5,900 words! Sophie x

A loud knock on my door made me flinch while I was sitting on the floor. For the first time in years I dared to open the albums. The photo albums I made for my mother.

"Munhee?" Amara's voice reached me barely through the door but I didn't move. Sitting in shorts and a big long-sleeved shirt on the floor, my hair was a total mess I didn't feel any energy in my body. Keys were rustling at the front door and soon my friend entered the house.

"I swear if she is oversleeping..." Amara was muttering when she approached the living room slowly stopping and looking at me in confusion. It must have been obvious that something was wrong. My skin was pale and there was no care to my appearance. Even when she stayed over I never looked like this. Messy and drained.
"Munhee what's wrong? Why aren't you ready to go, we'll be late, and where's Namjoon?" Worry filled her voice and she came closer to kneel down next to me. I didn't even look at her.

"He is with Jimin or whoever, I don't know. At least he is not here." My voice was hoarse from the night before but at the same time it was cold and void of any emotion. An annoyed sigh left her mouth but I didn't care to look at her. Namjoon was the last thing on my mind as I turned the page filled with photographs and memories.

"I really don't understand either of you, come on we need to go..." I tuned out what she was saying, or at least it didn't hit any ground. For the first time in years, I didn't want to go to work. My head was all over the place and when I turned towards her, Amara must have seen in my eyes that there was something very wrong.

"My father died." She blinked, opened and closed her mouth a few times before actual words left her mouth. One day earlier my whole body was shook from the fear of my last remaining family member possibly dying. By the time I got home I settled myself in a cruel sense of safety. But the day my father actually died, I felt pretty much nothing. The little safety net that was given to me when he called broke. And the only thing telling me I was alive was the immense pain in my chest. Pain which was tearing my chest apart but at the same time brought an immense weight onto it.

"But you said he was fine ... yesterday you said he woke up, without any further damages to his brain." Her eyebrows were narrowed and I saw her hand flinching towards me. She didn't know how to handle me like this. Amara knew that I wasn't a friend of hugs and the state she experienced was totally new to her. Not even I knew how I should be handled.

"His brain started bleeding, they couldn't do anything. There was no way to foresee it or to avoid it. They only know it must have started after the surgery, probably while he was sleeping." No emotion was mirrored in my voice.
"I can't go to work today Mara." Tears filled her eyes as I called her by the nickname I gave her at one of our girls nights at my house.

"No, you will stay here. Stay home, I will take care of everything. I will tell Bang Sihyuk that you need a few days off, and I will come back after work." Her voice was quiet and rough.
With a slow nod I leaned back at the couch and closed my eyes, when I felt her squeezing my hand before the sound of her steps left my house.

Silence. No sound was in the house my mother left for me. The house filled with her favorite scent, of tulips and freesias. The house we once lived in all together. Filled with memories. Happy memories that slowly became more and more painful.
And as the house was silent then, the night before it wasn't at all.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Confusion filled my voice and I looked at Namjoon with narrowed brows as he started to get off the sofa we were sitting on. We got barely settled on the sofa for an hour when he received a message.

"Jimin needs to talk about something with me." He grabbed his jacket and gave me an apologetic smile. Meanwhile I was placing my feet on the floor and sat straight in front of him.

"You said you talked earlier, before you came here. What can be so important that you need to go immediately?" Anger started to rise in me. It was a tough day and this was like the cherry on the top of it. No matter how much I sucked at expressing my feelings, I thought it was obvious that I needed him to stay with me for that night. Especially because I obviously didn't want him to go.

"He just needs me. Something could have happened, I should be there for him." Namjoon put on his jacket and the black hat again. But I was balling my fist, for the first time I really felt frustrated.

"You asked me to tell you if I need you, to trust you, and now you're running back to him for basically no reason?" The sharpness of my voice surprised even me, and I could see that Namjoon started to get annoyed. But for me that was not how it worked, not if he wanted me to rely on him.

"Munhee, in the first line I need to take care of the band..." With closed eyes and a firm motion of my head I interrupted him. Telling him, no.

"I understand that, probably better than every other woman would. But did ever the thought cross your mind that Jimin might just not want us together? Because I'm not stupid, I see how he dislikes me." He narrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms in front of his chest. His jaw tightened and his voice got stern.

"That's bullshit. Complete nonsense, he just has a hard time with new people. He already told me how bad he feels for his behaviour towards you sometimes. I know it was a rough day for you, and I'm sorry that I'm leaving but this is important right now, and I need to take care of whatever it is." With these as his last words he left my house and me behind.