Phoenix of Dawn

Breathe for Me

Reality presented itself in a cold shower. Resting it's heavy weight on my shoulder. No amount of soup or icy water would dwindle the heat steaming just under my skin. Sparks of memories tangled in my mind with guilt. It ate away at me until I felt sick.

How could I do that when I knew I'd only be leaving? What was I thinking? That one night would somehow make a potential eternity without him easier?

No, it was the opposite.

I wanted more.

I hadn't somehow satiated my need for Axel, I'd merely awakened it. Standing in his shower, knowing he was fast asleep on the other side of the cracked door had my stomach tightening in knots.

What the hell did you do?

There wasn't any regret, despite the pang in my chest but I only wished I knew it would last. That there would be more nights. I wanted more than twenty-four hours with Axel and yet that was all I could have.

The shower door slid open and my eyes went wide in anticipation.

"You want to tell me why you're showering in the middle of the night?"

"You want to tell me why you're interrupting me showering in the middle of the night," I tossed back, glaring at him over my shoulder.

He was grinning, eyes shining like a kid who'd already eaten the candy bar before he'd received permission. I didn't even try to cover up, what was the point? He'd seen me naked, strewn across his bed in the throws of passion. There wasn't really much else left for him to try and imagine.

I shut off the water, my oasis of clarity ruined now that Axel's heat was penetrating my forcefields. Stepping out I snapped the towel I'd located before and wrapped myself in it, glancing back at his stunned face.

"What?"

"Nothing," He shrugs then adds, "You're just not very modest with your body."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, "Should I be?"

"You know what I mean."

I sighed heavily, padding back to his room, "I spent most of my childhood showering with four other men so no, I'm not bashful about nudity."

"Not really something I like knowing," He grumbled, breezing past me in his low hanging shorts, "I was never a fan of it then either."

I gasp, a mock look of awe coming over my features, "Oh my gosh. Axel Sol is talking about the past freely? Golly gee, how lucky am I?"

He smiles, "Do you regret it?"

"You just asked me that," I pointed out.

"I need to be sure I didn't fuck this up."

After what felt like eternity weighing what should or shouldn't be said I took a seat before him exhaling heavily. His elbows were resting against his thighs, hands clasped before him. The silence was deafening, my pulse loud in my ears. Reaching across the space I let my fingers trail the inside of his forearm before twining with his fingers. He peered at me over his shoulder, eyes a dazzling sunlight color.

"You didn't fuck this up."

My head leaned around his bare shoulder, a sudden wash of tears burning at the back of my eyes.

"I'm still leaving," I whispered, "I can't stay for you. Not when..."

"You have responsibilities," He finished, echoing his excuse to me just a week before.

I laughed because crying wasn't an option and I needed some way to release the emotions building in my chest. Axel traded his confused expression for a laugh of his own and in a lot ways it almost made me feel even closer to him.