Phoenix of Dawn

How Can You Swallow So Much Sleep?

It was worse than the initial break.
No tears. No tears.
The attack had been a ruse. Lakeland had never been a target, Axel had. When they came looking for him, they had found me. If they couldn't have Axel then the next best way to hurt him would be to take away something that held meaning to him.
Apparently that was me.
Axel, of course, was furious but he refused to leave my side. Thank God for that because Bex was looking between us like she had a million questions I didn't have the strength to answer.
She'd had to renewal my arm and set it properly. I realized while watching her efficient hands work that I'd never truly seen her do her job. She did it well. In fact I found her to be exceptional at tending to the wounded. Well, when I wasn't swearing like a sailor at the pain she'd been forced to inflict.
"I've got pants," Piper announced, rushing over to me.
My gratitude for actual clothing was short lived as Bex halted the exchange. An uncomfortable and fearful look came over her face as she studied me.
"Do we need to... should we..." she trailed off, eyes shifting down to my bare legs, "Did they?"
Axel went rigid beside me, the fury coming off him in waves. I turned, puzzled by the awkward intensity that had settled in the room. Everyone seemed to have stopped what they were doing, holding the weight of their collective breath.
"Did they manage to do anything that would require an exam," Bex rushed out, her eyes wet with tears.
My eyes widened in understanding, "No! No, nothing like that. I mean that was the goal but no. Like hell I'd let that happen. Over my dead body."
Everybody exhaled and Axel barely relaxed, leaning further into me. If it had been just the other night I would have never guessed he was inhaling my scent. My head tilted toward him I'm response, craving that sense of safety he always provided.
"So," Sam began, "Why wasn't she wearing pants? Did we go other that or...?"
I snatched the pants from Piper and yanked them on quickly. I didn't think it would help if I argued that I'd at least been wearing underwear.
"Also, why was she here," Sam continued, a slight smirk on his face, "Kyra here at Axel's without pants on? Hmm? What could that possibly mean?"
For a moment I considered taking the glass off the counter and hurling it at Sam. Why couldn't he just shut the hell up?
Piper's hand rest on my forearm, "was he respectful?"
"Mom," Axel snapped.
Swallowing my anxiety I pushed away from the group, "I should get home now. Thank you for your help Bex."
"I'd rather you didn't," Axel interjected, his hand catching my good arm.
Sam made some ungodly sound that insinuated sex before Axel cut him short with a glare.
"For her safety," he snarled, "we don't know if there are more people out there who would try the same thing."
My eyes shut, "I shouldn't leave."
"Wow, that was easy," Bex mused.
"No," I shook my head, "I shouldn't leave Kristal. Not when there's trouble here. I should stay and help."
"Wait," Bex rounded the counter, "leave Kristal? When they hell was that even on the table?"
"You can't not go," Sam was shaking his head, "this is what you need to do for yourself and your pack. We'll be fine here. It's mostly handled."
"You told Sam," Bex squealed, "and not me?"
"How can I just leave when you need me," I asked, the guilt eating at me.
"I mean this in the best way, Kyra, but we don't need you. We want you and your help would be useful to us but we can manage," Sam assured.
"Hello," Bex yelled.
I looked up at Axel, waiting for his anger or something. Part of me even hoped he'd tell me not to leave, that I had to stay. It would be easier than going. It would be more predictable, more manageable.
"This is what you need," he whispered, golden eyes swirling, "this is what you have to do. You'll regret not finding the answers your looking for if you stay."
"Okay," Bex snapped, "did someone turn down the volume on my voice box? Why am I being ignored?"
I sighed heavily, "I'm sorry Bex. You're not the only one who didn't know. It was just something I'd been considering."
"Okay so then I can still talk you out of it," she offered looking around the room like everyone was crazy, "why aren't you all trying to talk her out of this?"
"Because it makes sense," Nikko piped up, "the gray wolves have been scattered for years. Their numbers are small and they're lacking in an alpha. Kyra is the one to reunite them."
A shiver of doubt shook through me, "I don't know about all that but I need answers that I can't find here. Claira's gone, along with whatever knowledge she had, including that journal. I have to figure all this out."
"And reunite the gray wolves," Sam added, echoing Nikko's idea.
"No," I said firmly, "we don't know that."
"Yes we do," Piper gave me a firm look, "you're one of the six which means you were a part of an alpha line—"
"No, no, no."
Me an alpha? What a joke! They were wrong. How could I ever lead a pack? I didn't trust anyone, I'd done terrible shit, I'd turned my back on people I'd once considered allies and I couldn't even shift. What kind of alpha would that make me?
A pathetic one.
Not to mention the relation that would create between Ky and I. That wasn't possible, I knew who my father was now. I'd known all along.
"That's not possible," I shook my head, "Ky is not my father. I know that now."
Piper's expression told me everything I didn't want to know.
"William McKittering," she said softly, "sweet heart do you know who he is?"
"I've done research and he is not an Alpha."
It was true. In all the books I'd read William had been listed under multiple titles but none of them were Alpha. He'd been a warrior, an advisor, and a counsel man.
"Ky's last name is McKittering," she waited for me to put the pieces together but I couldn't.
A constant, high pitched scream was sounding off in my head. I didn't want to hear this. My feet were already moving, my body numb. Deep down I was angry but mostly I felt nothing.
Ky was no relative of mine. He couldn't be. This was a lie.
"Kyra, you can't run from this," Piper called, "you're the only living heir to that thrown. You're the only hope they have. Even if Ky is your uncle it changes nothing."
I stopped before the door, tears burning to be set free.
"How could you say that," I whispered turning to look at her as my rage broke free, "this changes everything!"
They each recoiled staring at my shaking fists and trembling lower lip. I was going to snap. I knew it and so did they. My emotions were caught in a whirlwind, spiraling and sparking under my skin.
"How could you sit there this whole time knowing what you know," I accused, "how could you keep this from me all while asking me to trust you? You knew I was looking for answers and you deliberately hid this from me!"
"Kyra, I'm so sorry—"
"I will never forgive you for this," I growled, looking at each of them, "I will never forgive any of you for this."
I wrenched open the door, slamming it so hard behind me the gram cracked. There wasn't the slightest bit of remorse in me.
It had started to pour out. I didn't care. The rain was welcomed, the cold water soaking my skin. I stopped in the street, Roman and his cronies had been cleared from the premises almost immediately. I almost wished they hadn't been. I needed someone to punch.
A commotion from behind me had my ears perking up. The words were incomprehensible, the clash of an argument as light flooded the street before disappearing.
"Kyra."
"Go back inside, Axel," I warned.
"We didn't know," he said, "I didn't know. I'm just as angry as you are that she didn't say anything."
Fury fueled by betrayal had me whipping around, gritting my teeth.
"Just as angry as I am," I repeated, seething with anger, "I don't think you know the first thing about how angry I am, Axel."
"You're right. I don't," he confessed, "I have no idea what could be going through your head. If Ky were my uncle I'd be more than a little pissed and confused."
I don't know what made me do it but the sting in my palm told me it was too late to think it through. Axel's head was turned from the impact of my searing slap. Wiggling his jaw he turned back to look at me.
"Feel better," he asked.
I swung again, this time my fist closed. Catch my hand easily he twisted till my back was on the slick cobblestone.
"This won't fix anything," he hissed, the rain pelting my face.
Fire burst through my veins. With all I had I kicked out, sending him stumbling back. Wasting no time I launched forward, feet scuffing over wet stone. I wrapped myself around him, my momentum hurling us to the ground. Straddling him I moved to clench my fist once more.
He hooked me, shifting beneath me until he was on top. Unfurling a touch of my essence I launched it like a wall of force against him.
A tinge of concern plagued me as I watched him fall several feet from me. My concern turned to irritation  as he got to his feet.
"You wanna play that that," he yelled before the golden current shimmered to life around him.
With a growl I pushed off the ground, silver and gold colliding . We flew apart, the bang deafening from the strike.
Fresh scrapes covered my body as the front door of Axel's house swung open. A few others poked their head out around the street, watching with wide eyes as Axel and I faced off.
"What the hell are you two doing," Piper shrieked, running between us, "is this really how you plan on solving this problem?"
She whirled on Axel, disappointment stiffening her features.
"Is this how you show someone you care," she chided.
Axel's eyes shifted to his mother in alarm. He took a startled step back as though he were only just realizing what he'd been doing.
She turned to look at me next but I was fed up.
"Save your guilt trip for someone else, Piper."
She licked her lips, looking for strength in the dark sky, "you're angry. Hurt. Betrayed. But that's not his fault. It's mine. You can be angry at me, Kyra, but I can't let you raise a hand against my son."
Shame washed through me. I didn't want Piper to think that I would ever hurt Axel. I didn't want her to not trust me.
Then jealousy, frustration and resentment. At least Axel had a mother. At least he had someone that would always protect him, see the best in him. I had no one.
"You're right," I muttered, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
It was a promise I could keep. A promise I would keep because I refused to be around to break it. Turning on my heels I let my bare feet slap against the wet ground. My chest felt hollow.
Why would I attack Axel? He'd done nothing to deserve it. Nothing.
"Wait," Piper hollered, regret in her tone, "Come back! Kyra!"
I didn't come back. I wouldn't come back.
It was time for me to leave Kristal. I needed answers, I needed control, I needed to be someone other than the person who would attack the people who love her. I needed change.
The way I was wouldn't help anyone.
I'm built to destroy...
Tears ran freely down my cheeks, mixing with the rain. I wanted to be more than what I was trained to be but I didn't even know if that was possible.
So, I ran.
Bex's house was close by and I couldn't stand to wait around hoping for someone to change my mind. No amount of reassurance from them would sway what I felt to be true.
I needed to figure this out on my own for a while.
Shoveling items into my bag, my chest felt like it was full of nails. Every beat of my heart seemed to shred my insides further into ribbons.
This would prove to be harder than I'd thought.
More times than I could count I tried to convince myself to stay, to let Bex or Sam convince me I wasn't this monster. For just a minute I let myself cry, the monumental sized hole in my chest throbbing with each shake of my shoulders.
Pulling the pieces together I changed my clothes and threaded my wet hair through a ponytail holder.
Who knew how long I'd be gone.
Casting one last glance around my temporary haven I drew the bag over my shoulder and ran.