Spotlight {Completed}

Chapter Thirty Nine

Zach

It's been a week now. I haven't slept, I haven't ate, and I can't even sleep right. This feeling, this aching, anticipation-guilt... there could be hundreds of words to describe how I'm feeling right now. I've even cried, well, I mean who wouldn't? A heartless entity that's who. I haven't cried since my Gran died, but Ria...

She's brought it out of me. I promised I wouldn't, but then I thought, who am I trying to prove? Certainly not my father, I don't give a shit about what he thinks of me, so why not pour out my feelings? Chase was with me when I got the call when Gran died, and he was the one who cried on my shoulder while I supported him. I wanted to break down with him, considering how we we're both so close with her, but I couldn't until later, when I broke down in my shower... That's beside the point though, I've gotten closer with Chase these past couple years, when I was still dealing with the death of my sister and mother, he helped me when my father blamed me.

I still blame myself.

I can't lose Ria, I won't say I won't have anyone else because that would be a lie, but I'll lose someone that I've made so many mistakes with... someone who I haven't gotten the duty to know fully, someone who I was just getting to know better, but was feeling deep feelings for, something I've never felt so strong romantically for.

I was so close; I wasn't in love, but I was more in l-o- and I was closely developing the v. I'm so weird, I thought. I'm in my apartment, giving Scarlett what she ''wants." I know that girl can not hold a grudge for more than a week, trust me. She seems all tough on the outside, but she's a puppy on the inside-soft, and wanting someone to take care of her.

I know where she's coming from, I mean she just lost her parents, and now is close to losing her blood,her sister. I'd be angry with me, I'd hate me, the fuck if I don't right now. I'm so angry with myself, I haven't allowed myself to eat properly, or anything. I can't sleep well, I look like shit. I don't even deserve Ria, if she does wake up. I rub my eyes, as they're probably dark with heavy bags under them, I could feel it.

"Fuck," I growled. This is what life has turned out to be. Death, hope, and then death. Shit, I'm just a downer right now. I want to see her, be alone, and hold her hand. Maybe she would wake up that way? I heard that when someone's in a coma, they can hear and see everything, I don't know if that's true... but maybe that's how I can admit my true feelings for her. I need to do something, I have to try.

I'm in l-o-v with her.

I grabbed all of my belongings and I tugged on some socks with loafers. I'm in my 'I don't give a shit, gotta go get my girl' mode.

Don't mess with me. As of precautionary, if you step in my way, I will fuck you up.

I ran down to the lobby, recieving strange looks, but I don't care. It's all in the papers how supposedly Scarlett's 'close friend' is in the hospital and we're both torn up about it, or some type of shit like that, but soon, the truth will be out, all of it. I'll make sure of it, I just want all of this to be over, but I don't know if Scarlett would be fine with the whole truth out in the open. I just want to try, I want to show Ria how much I love--whoa.

I just, I don't know. I don't know what happened that night. I was mixed with all sorts of emotions. Most of it was unrealistic shock, I was feeling on top of the world, as I claimed her (sort of). So when Ashton showed up, I thought nothing could ruin this moment. I took it for granted, I thought just a simple, "go away dick," would make everything okay.

I was fucking stupid.

It wasn't until he pulled out his gun, I started getting weary, still in my 'stupid, shock, fuckwad' mode that I thought he wouldn't dare. This was serious shit, he would never jeopardize others' or his life. I was wrong and I was a coward. I was weak and selfish, and it wasn't until Ria jumped in front of the bullet as I was stalking closer to Ashton, that I knew it was all real and too late. Then the boy just thought he should end it for himself too.