When the Girl Gives Up

She won't try to keep the conversation going anymore

This chapter speaks the same with the previous chapter. So eventually, this would be shorter than the already short chapter you've read. Peace. ✌️
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So there, I'm still not replying to his texts and chats on FB.
I'm keeping myself free from that.
I just want to prove to him that I'm keeping what I've said to him.
Besides, I'm doing this also for myself.

23 missed calls
John

Yea. You've read it right. That many. He perhaps wanted to talk to me that much. Or maybe it's important?

I didn't answer any of his calls .

And it's been a week since I did that.

Tito Zack Calling......

(if you'll ask me who that is, it's his father. I became close to his family since God-knows-when)

Me: Hello?

Tito: How are you, Jes?

Me: I'm actually fine, Tito.

(I heard John said he'll talk to me then probably he grabbed the phone from his dad.)

John: Babe.

Just that voice.
I hated it.
I wanna hug him and forgive him.
But heck, I can't do that.
I'm moving forward.
That's why I can't talk to him.
That's why I don't want to talk to him.
Because of his voice.
The voice that speaks a thousand words.
His cold voice.
His very own voice that says he still needs me, he loves me, he cares for me and above all of those, his begging voice.
Can't bear it.
Don't wanna hear it.
But I have to pretend.

Me: Oh Hi! Good day!

John: (He started to cry.)

Me: Please stop the drama.

John: I'm not just acting this out babe. I'm suffering from all of these. Please come back to me. I can't live like this.

(I barely hear those words because he said it between sobs. He's hurt.)

Me: I have something to do. Goodbye.

*End*

I ended the call.
I can't stop myself from drowning.
I wanted to go run for him.
But I can't.
I finally decided to give up.
I don't have to give it a damn!
So instead of feeling sorry for him, I stood, changed, and went out of the house.
I don't know where I am going though.
I just want a walk.

It's just 3 in the afternoon so I can still feel the heat of the sun and I don't care.

I wanted to feel it.

To be hurt by it.

I wanted to ease this pain with another pain.

It helped I think.

I left my phone so that I won't be entertaining any calls and texts.

I left the place when it's getting dark already. I watched the clock and it says 6:30 in the evening. I have to head home now. My parents are worried when I'm not there this very time.

When I'm home, I got my phone. There are missed calls from his parents. I didn't give it a damn. Maybe it's just him. Then I read the messages. Nothing's important on them. I turned off the phone and sleep.

But sleep hated me so much.

I couldn't sleep.

Insomnia strikes again.

Or maybe because my mind is still up.

I got out of the bed. Went to the kitchen and ate a lot.
That's what I'm doing every time I'm stressed. Goodbye body figure. I don't care.

After eating, I turned on the phone and there are
Lots of messages I got. It's maybe because I turned it off for almost 5 hours. Late messages I would say.

Then he called.
Yes, he.
John.

John: Jes, are you sure about this?

(I was shocked. He's calling me Jes, not a lame endearment. That's new.)

Me: What? My decision? Yea. It's firm.

John: Ok. Thanks for everything, for the love you've given me and for being my best friend and girlfriend at the same time. I love you. That's for sure. I'll not love any other girl than you. I'll miss you. I'll miss calling you babe. Please keep safe for me. Godbless.

Me: Thanks also. Godbless. Yea. Do the same. Keep safe.

I ended the call. That's the end of our conversation. Now that it's ok, now that he already let go of me, maybe it's really time to move forward.

Then I received a text.
John: 😥

I didn't reply with the cry emoticon he sent to me. I don't actually have to reply with that, do I? I just want to breathe smoothly that time because I think I'm loosing that when he said to me all those things.

Mission succeeded.
Mission complete.

This is what I want, right?

I cannot deny the fact that deep down there in my heart, it bleeds.

It hurts.

It sucks.

Even I. I suck. And I hate it.

I still can feel the love for him.

I'm longing for him.

But I gave up already.

I have to be firm and tough.

I have to do this for the better.

I have to be better. And being better is without him in my life.

I just hope this will turn out the way I want it to be.

For us. For myself. For the better.

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Please continue reading. I hope I don't seem like begging. Haha. Next chapters would be a little long. I'm trying.

Hope you like it. Thanks!

Like and comment. 😘