LOVE ME TENDER [t. keigo]

3.5

All I could remember was the pain and the silence; ringing in my ears like the sound of a raven in an empty night. It's not like my life was much more than just that to begin with— it's just, I thought... I might be saved.

Could you blame me? I thought I was finally gonna be okay... That maybe I would be spared from this life of torture, and be freed. It made sense in my head; I always overheard Mommys in the park say that maybe God could save me. That maybe I could go to he-vun. Do you know how many days I wished that God would take me away? That he would finally come get me, and bring me to he-vun? I thought I was finally there. Turns out that I'm too good of a joke to let go of that easily. It's sad, really, how I got here: just some trash pushed in the wrong direction.

Maybe it was the wind that was at fault. It did push me, knowing I would follow with no good reason. I was a kid. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. There was nothing for me to do but let myself get fucked over for the twentieth time that month, just waiting for when they would let me go... for when they would take me out of my misery. Except this time, it wasn't just a moment of my life. It was an eternity.

Or maybe it wasn't the wind.

Maybe it was the people who never picked me up; who left me there to be pushed away, ignoring the many red flags and hand prints.

Either way, I couldn't blame them. How could I? They were just following the system they had always known. But if they weren't at fault... then, that left me. I guess it made sense considering I was involved in all of it; the sex work, the murders... the 'experiment.' It was all me; every single time, I never failed to be there. I guess that would mean it is my fault.

"...But it's always my fault."

"That's because it always is your fault. You gotta stop being such a bitch if you don't wanna get punished," he tightened the rope around my wrists, pulling my feet up to tie them all together, "You decided to fucking ignore me like I'm some idiot...! AM I AN IDIOT?!"

I cried. Whenever I cried for him he didn't go so rough on me; he'd spare me for my tearful sacrifice, as though that were the goal all along. How I wished that was the goal.

"N-No," I whimpered as he finished tying the knot, leaving me defenseless once more, "you're not—"

"WELL THEN STOP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!" He kicked my side, hard, knocking the wind out of me. My blood froze; sure, he did hurt me sometimes when I would do something he didn't like, but he never went as far as breaking my bones.

He's really angry.

I made him angry.

How could I be so stupid...?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm—"

"Can you shut the fuck up? I don't wanna hear your voice the whole time," he grabbed a shorter piece of rope from coffee table, wrapping it around my head. I felt the familiar tug against my mouth; the rough sandpaper of it already leaving my cheeks raw. Oh God, please; I know you don't like me, but if you even feel the littlest bit sorry for me I promise I won't be as bad as you think I am. I'll be a good girl, just for you, so please take me to he—

...

vun.

"...this is a warning," he pulled up his pants, propping himself up against my legs as he finally stood up, looking down at me, "if you let that shithead come near you again I'll make it worse than this."