The King's Rival [kagehina]

Chapter 3: Realization

[CW: Panic attacks]

Kageyama's week continued to be a shit show, culminating with a cluster fuck on Friday. Miya made the team (of course he did) and managed to ingratiate himself with everyone ... except Kags. Even Kuroo, Bokuto and Noya appeared to be friendly, if not enamoured, with the blond setter, who was always smiling and joking. They haven't yet seemed like they are aware of how threatened Kageyama is feeling.

Miya is good, really good. Kageyama hated to admit it, but it was true. And though he didn't  think he'd lose his starting spot yet (after all, Pisshead has only been here less than a week), the competitor in him was keenly aware that he had to stay on his game, constantly improving and innovating, or he very well could be on the bench.

With two setters, they were able to play a lot more practice matches with the A and B teams. Kageyama was excited to set to Hinata again, but no matter what, Hinata always managed to get on Miya's team (or is that Miya always got on Hinata's team?). It was hard to tell. By Thursday, Kageyama had all he could do not to burst out screaming at the duo's antics. Hinata was constantly jumping on Miya's back and Miya had his arm around Hinata all the time. They seemed to find any excuse to touch each other - high fives, shoulder bumps, and -- the thing that was absolutely devastating -- Miya was constantly ruffling Hinata's hair. It took months for Kageyama to touch that soft, fluffy hair, and this asshole moved right on to hair fluffing in the first week? WTF? Kags could feel his blood boil and he went a little bit more out of his mind every time he saw them.

But Kageyama knew he had to stay focused on the game and played well enough. Until Friday rolled around, that is. Kageyama had been holding in all of these frustrations all week, trying hard to ignore the Tangerine and Pisshead, until Friday, during a break between matches. It was too much, just too much for him to handle hearing Miya FLIRTING with his boyfriend – wait, Hinata was not his boyfriend. Because he is a dumbass. Kags doesn't know a whole lot (ok really anything) about flirting personally, but he recognized when he overheard it.

Miya: "Shoyo, that last spike was amazing! I can't believe how high you jumped!"

Wait, what? Kageyama is astonished at what he just heard. Are they on a first name basis? ALREADY?

Hinata: "Well that was a great toss. You're an amazing setter."

Kageyama couldn't help it, he rolled his eyes. Miya continued:

"Haha. Well, thanks, but you are amazing overall! At volleyball and school. And you're funny. And cute too." He added a wink for emphasis.

Hinata, pretending to be thoughtful: "Now that you mention it, I do have a lot of guys chasing after me." Then he burst out laughing. Miya laughed too, but as he took a drink from his water, he had a look on his face that suggested he didn't think it was all that funny.

As Kageyama listened to all of this, his heart was shattering and he was so fucking jealous he almost screamed. Holding it in, as self-defense, he began to feel lightheaded and dizzy. His skin got sweaty and flushed. He sensed another panic attack coming on and he sensed this one was going to be bad. There was supposed to be another hour left of practice, but Kageyama needed to get out of there and fast. He managed to walk shakily to the coach to tell him he wasn't feeling well. Coach took one look at him and told him to go home. Kags shook off the offer of help and practically stumbled to the locker room. He grabbed his stuff without changing out of his clothes and exited the building as quickly as he could. He found a bench to sit on a ways from the gym and after about twenty minutes was able to use breathing techniques to calm down enough to realize (a) he was freezing; and (b) he needed to get back to his room as soon as possible, in case anyone should happen to see him.

Once back in his dorm room, Kageyama managed a scorching hot shower. He came out and practically passed out on his bed, since panic attacks make him physically as well as mentally exhausted. He picked up his phone, noticing he had three texts, one each from Noya, Kuroo and Bokuto, asking if he was OK and telling him to let them know if he needed anything. Kags shot back a quick reply and climbed into bed. Even though it was early in the evening, he was asleep in minutes.

He woke up a couple of hours later, disoriented and wait ... sweaty? WTF? Then it hit him. He remembered his dream, his very sexy dream, about Hinata. In the dream they were kissing and touching each other frantically like they couldn't get enough, and it was HOT. Kageyama flushed at the memory. He had to admit that it had felt good, and RIGHT, in the dream. He had felt elated, giddy, and yes, horny.

Holy shit. I DO feel that way about Hinata! I'm such a fucking idiot! Why am I just realizing this now?

Kageyama spent a very restless night. Besides thinking about his dream and blushing deeply, imagining more, shall we say, elaborate scenarios, he found himself agitated, or maybe sexually frustrated? He spent long periods worrying about several things, including his position on the team and how it might be affected by his abrupt exit earlier today and his occasional distracted, half-assed playing this week. That worried him - a lot. Volleyball was his life. If he wasn't a starter he could still play, but it just wouldn't be the same. That fuckhead was good, and could easily replace Kageyama, and Kags knew it. It was up to him to hold onto his spot --- or to lose it.

The other thing his mind kept going back to was Hinata - specifically, how to talk to him and explain how stupid he'd been. He had to get him alone, somehow, but fucking Pisshead seemed to be glued to Hinata's hip. Fuck. Thinking of Miya, Kag's brain unwillingly started to think about Hinata doing those things from his dream with Miya. Are they dating? Are they making out and touching each other, or even fucking? Kageyama could not stand the thought; he felt his brain (and maybe some other parts) were about to explode. He tried unsuccessfully to put the images out of his head. It was a long night.

By morning, he was exhausted, pissed off, and hungry since he missed dinner. But luckily it was Saturday so he was able to sleep again after having a big breakfast including extra milk. That afternoon, he worked up the courage to text Hinata again. He figured he'd tempt him with meat buns and video games.

Kags: "Hey, want to hang out this weekend? We could get meat buns and play that new game you were talking about."

A few tense minutes passed as Kageyama stared at the screen. Then:

Tangerine: "I'm sort of busy this weekend with Atsumu."

Kageyama read the message and wanted to throw his phone across the room, but being a poor college student who couldn't afford a new phone, he resisted. He thought: They're on a first name basis. They're flirting. They physically touch each other. They spend all their time together. I'm sure they're dating. I'm too late. I realized I like -- maybe even love -- Hinata too late. I'm such a fucking loser.

Kageyama was too angry and agitated to stay in his dorm alone, so he made the only rational decision in this situation. He was going to get shitfaced and forget his troubles for a while.