The King's Rival [kagehina]

Chapter 6: Tension

On Monday, Kageyama went early to practice hoping to catch Hinata alone for a few minutes. No luck. Practice went as expected, which meant, annoying and sucky. Pisshead and the Tangerine were loud and touchy. Kags was seething, but he managed to stay pretty focused somehow, trying to focus on not losing his position as well as his best (boy?) friend.

Tuesday though, he got lucky. He went early to practice as usual and after about 10 minutes, Hinata showed up, miraculously without Pisshead for once. When Hinata entered the locker room and saw Kageyama, he visibly flinched but didn't speak and went to his locker to change. He had his back to Kageyama and was putting on his practice jersey, with it around his arms but not yet over his head when Kags spoke, halting Hinata's actions.

Kageyama: "Hinata, you can't ignore me forever. Please, we have to talk."

Hinata stiffened but didn't turn around. "I know. Just. I'm not ready yet."

Kageyama: "Well if you are not ready to talk, can you at least listen?"

Hinata nodded almost imperceptibly. Kageyama felt a burst of anxiety. He had his chance, but he wasn't sure he was ready. Gah! OK, get it together, he thought.

Kageyama: "I'm sorry. I-" he hesitated. Which part first? Why hadn't he practiced this more?

Hinata: "I know. It's OK. I understand."

Kageyama: "No, I don't think you do." He paused and they both could hear the sounds of some teammates approaching the lockers.

Kageyama continued: "Look, I'm really bad at this stuff. At expressing myself. But please, I need you to make time to listen. It's really important."

Hinata still hadn't turned around but finished donning his practice jersey. "I guess I owe you that."

Kageyama breathed a sigh of relief and whispered "Thank you" just as several teammates burst into the locker room laughing and yelling and pushing each other. The moment was over, but at least now Kageyama had a glimmer of hope.

******

Kageyama FINALLY had Hinata alone and listening to him and he was so relieved he could finally say what he had to say. He was nervous but determined. The problem was, every time he opened his mouth, nothing came out. No words, no sound, nothing. He tried several times, but still he could not make himself speak. Hinata finally got tired of waiting; and sadly said "Goodbye Kageyama" and turned and walked away. Kags tried to yell after him, but still no sound escaped him. Hinata was leaving him, for good this time. He was losing him. He had to stop him, he had to get him back. He had to fix this!

Kageyama woke with a gasp and sat straight up in bed. His breathing was ragged and he just sat there for a minute reliving the terror of his dream. Fuck.

After a few tense minutes, his heart rate slowed a bit. He checked the time, 3:11 am. Shit, that was intense, he thought. I have to make sure I don't fuck this up. He lay awake for a long time, trying to plan the best things to say, and the best order to say them in. He finally fell asleep with a furrowed brow.

Wednesday's practice was just like it had been the last couple of days. He managed to say hi to Hinata, who actually greeted him with his own "Hey" so that was progress.

Wednesday night Kageyama laid in bed, unable to sleep again, trying to figure out the answer to the question: am I gay? Since he had admitted he was sexually attracted to Hinata, he had been wondering how to identify. He first considered if he was bi. He tried to think of a time he was attracted to a girl and couldn't come up with anything. I mean, he objectively thought some girls and women were pretty, but he never wanted to get close to them. Maybe not bi. At one point in the past he thought he might be asexual, but clearly, given the road his thoughts had been going down recently, that was not the case. Wait, what is that when you are only attracted sexually to someone you have an emotional bond with? he wondered. He had to look it up. Demisexual. Did that fit? He tossed the terms around a bit, trying to see which one felt right, but decided he didn't know quite yet, and that was OK. He didn't need a label.

Thursday's practice was shaping up much the same, until a break between practice games. Kageyama was sitting leaning against a wall drinking water and resting. A couple of meters away Sakusa, one of their wing spikers, was doing the same thing. Kageyama liked Sakusa, or at least respected him a lot. Sakusa was much like Kageyama -- quiet and serious. Both were very different from those idiots including Hinata, Bokuto, Noya and now Pisshead who were loud and energetic and always talking and laughing. Kageyama thought he and Sakusa understood each other. They played really well together, were friendly, though reserved. It was a comfortable relationship.

Kageyama was, for the hundredth time, watching those jackasses mess around during break. Pisshead definitely stepped up his flirting game, noted Kags with a scowl (more than his normal one). Hinata did not seem to be discouraging it, which made him look away with frustration. When Kageyama turned, he saw Sakusa staring in the same direction he had just been looking. Kags looked back at Miya and Hinata, and then back to Sakusa, trying to determine if that was what Sakusa was looking at. Just as he was deciding that it was, Sakusa turned and met his gaze. For a couple of seconds they just stared at each other, but Kageyama thought that two seconds was all he needed to read that look in Sakusa's eyes because his own eyes must have looked the same. Sakusa was also jealous.

They both looked away to avoid any awkwardness and thankfully, being the types of guys they are, neither said a word. But Kageyama knew he understood that he and Sakusa were in the same boat. He was pretty sure Sakusa was looking at Pisshead, though he had a brief pang of worry that Sakusa was interested in Hinata instead? But no, that did not make sense. They had been playing with Sakusa for months and Kageyama had never sensed anything like that before.

Kageyama had been having a really hard time falling asleep lately, but Thursday night was especially bad. It was past 1:00 am and he hadn't slept a wink. He could not stop thinking about Hinata. He had been thinking more and more about wanting to kiss him and touch him. The more he thought about it, the more sure he was that he wanted to do it. But unbidden, thoughts of Miya kissing and touching Hinata also bombarded his pathetic brain, making him more agitated and angry. Fuck, I can't keep doing this, thought Kageyama.

Finally, he drifted into a restless sleep, only to be awoken again by a really erotic dream. Damn, thought Kageyama, that was fucking HOT. He was wide awake now, on his back, staring into the dark, as he recalled the images in the dream.

[*SLIGHT smut coming; if you don't want to taint yourself, skip the rest of this chapter*]

He had Hinata under him and they were fucking. It felt so amazing, and Hinata had his head thrown back with this erotic look on his face. And he was moaning "Tobio" and telling him to go faster. Shit. Kageyama realized he was hard. What the fuck! He tried to calm down and forget about it but after a while, he realized it was no use. I have it bad, he thought ruefully as we went to the bathroom to take care of his "problem" thinking of Hinata the entire time.