| The Hunger Games one-shots |

Under the willow

"-the gas they used on the guards knocked him out too, but he'll be coming round soon. You should be there when he wakes up" Haymitch's eyes are on mine when he speaks, but they seem disconnected, like he's still working out what just happened in his mind. Almost as if he can't believe his own words. I take a step back and cover my mouth with my trembling hand.

I feel like I've had something immensely heavy lying on my chest, crushing me this whole time, and now that it's removed, I don't know how to breathe without it. I'm not even sure I believe what he's telling me, even though it's what I've been longing to hear for months.

All these months of nerve-wracking silence, with no real Intel apart from what the capitol wanted us to know. With just the knowledge that I was probably killing him by helping these people and had no way to help him myself. Months of waking up screaming and not having him there to comfort me like he always did. I would've forgotten what it felt like, if I didn't see him on the nights the nightmares chose to plague somebody else, if i didn't feel  him holding me as my breathing becomes regular, the only one who can calm me down. Waking up from that was worse I think, being so happy then having it torn away by cruel, cold reality.

And now he's just down the hall, and I can't get my feet to move.  Haymitch looks at me expectantly, but I don't meet his eyes. I will not cry. I shake my head to clear it and blink rapidly, trying to get rid of the haze that has rested over my mind and vision. I nod at him and he nods back, and I know he understands. I try to walk slowly, carefully, because I'm not sure I trust myself to not to run away yet. But my legs break into a sprint at their own accord, in the right direction, the sound of my boots on the tiles in key with my pounding heart.

It's only about a hundred metres to the hospital wing, and I'm running, but my hair seems to fly out behind me in slow motion as I travel through the concrete. My braid has come undone, I think I was only halfway through plaiting it when Haymitch came to find me, and now I really don't care. When I get to the door I only hesitate for a second before yanking it open and stepping inside.

On my right I see Finnick locked in the arms of a crying girl with long red hair. It must be Annie, the mad girl Finnick loves. On the bed across from them lies a bald person with tubes in her arms. It's only when she sits up to rip them out that I see her face, it's Johanna Mason. I know I should say something to her but I'm tongue tied, so I just give her a look that I hope conveys all the gratitude I owe her and look around for Peeta. I see Gale on another bed, I notice the rise and fall of his chest and put worries about him out of my mind, for more reasons than one.

I see another door and walk towards it. I hear shouting from inside, I distinguish my name being yelled in a hoarse voice. My muscles seize up and suddenly I'm running toward it, towards his voice. I push open the door and freeze.

Peeta is standing, painfully by the looks of it, over a short man in a doctor's uniform, and his face is contorted. But as soon as he hears the door shut behind me his head turns in my direction and his face changes instantly, the tension wiped from it like paint from a canvas. We are both standing completely still, just staring at each other. His appearance is like a shot to my chest, he looks so...broken. He has purple bruises all over his face and greenish cuts that look to be still bleeding, his arms are like sticks, and what looks to be a child's hospital robe hangs loosely on his fleshless bones. His fingernails are cracked and bloody, and his hair hangs long and matted on his shoulders. I feel the tears spill from my eyes as my resolve cracks.

"I'm so sorry" I whisper.

That's when he takes two steps and wraps his skinny arms around me, crushing me to him with strength I don't think he has. I do the same, realising with a jolt that I can now clasp my hands together on his back when they used to be far apart. I nuzzle my face into the crook of his neck and let my tears soak into his shirt.  

I hear the doctor leaving and I pull my face back to look at Peeta's. I cup his cheeks in my hands, brushing the curve of his cheekbones gently with my thumb. I lean my forehead on his and breathe slowly and deeply, staring into the clear blue eyes that just yesterday I thought I would never see again. I close my eyes for a second and open them again, but he's still there, and I'm not dreaming.

"I'm sorry I left you, I'm sorry I broke my promise" I whisper softly. I look at all his injuries and I cry even harder. "It's all my fault, I'm so sorry" my voice cracks and it all I can do to close my eyes and drop my hands to his shoulders.

He moves his finger under my jaw and tilts my head up, willing me to look right at him. I do.

"Don't say that, we're both right here. And it's because of you. Don't you see?" His voice is barely a whisper and croaky with tears.

"But look at you, you could've died. You've been in so much pain, and I couldn't help and I promised I would, I promised I'd keep you safe and just look" i  taste my salty tears pouring into my mouth and I stare at his face, trying to memorize it, in case I lose him again.

"I made a promise too Katniss. I promised the same thing, that I would keep you alive above everything else, and I was prepared to do anything for it. Anything. And if this was the price to pay, so be it, but you're safe. And look, I'm not dead, doesn't that count for something?" He wipes my tears away with his thumb and rests his hand on my shoulders, staring at my grey eyes with his crystal blue ones.

The simple word surfaces in my mind without notice or warning. Floating back to me across the haze of sleep I heard it under. The word whispered in my ear, with his hand in mine, when I asked him to stay with me.  Always.

In answer I lean in to kiss him, and when I do, I don't even surprise myself, because for some reason, I knew this would happen anyway, and I wanted it to. I want  it to. I surprise him though, he freezes for a second when my lips touch his, but then gathers me against him as I wrap my arms around his neck. The tears on our mouths mix together and I know I must be hurting him, but he doesn't seem to care. And I realize how much I've really missed him, and I'm filled with a delicious feeling of happiness that I haven't felt for a long time, mixed with something else, something even warmer.

When we finally break away it seems like hours have passed, I slide my hands down his arms and clasp his hands with both of mine. I press my lips down on our intertwined fingers and whisper softly:

"It counts for everything"

That night they made Peeta stay in the hospital, which I understood, he could barely stand on his own. But they couldn't make me leave his bedside, they were about to drug me into submission when Haymitch intervened, I'm not sure what he said, but they let me stay after that. That night as I climbed into the single-person hospital bed next him, his eyes never left my face. And when I lay down next to him, he immediately moved his arm so I could place my head on his bony chest, where I always do, over his heart. I would have liked to stay awake all night just looking at him and listening to his heart, the even, simple beating of it meaning more to me than i ever thought such a fundamental sound could, but the ordeals of the day soon made me drift off. But even just before sleep took me, I could still feel him stroking my hair.

...

Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes

And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you.