Sunday November 8th
I never thought I could hate myself more but here I am. The things I said to her, the way she looked at me. I just needed her to stop, I need this all to stop. I don't deserve her. The way she looked at me when I tossed my sweater into that box, for a bit I forgot. I forgot everything but her. I forgot who I was and what I've done and all that mattered was that glint in her eyes.
But she shouldn't look at me like that. I had hoped if I just pretended like the kiss never happened she would too. She had to fucking mention it. Of course she did, I knew she would eventually. She deserves someone far better then me, someone who doesn't have to constantly hide their arms, someone who isn't a constant reminder of the war.
I wish I could be that person. I wish I could just let her fall and be there to catch her but I can't. I'm too marked up. I had to pretend to be the person everyone else thinks I am. She wouldn't understand, she can't understand because if she understood then it wont work. If she understood she would continue to fall and I don't know if I would be there to catch her. She needs someone who will catch her.
Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I was gone. Theo wouldn't have to worry so much, Blaise could just live without having to watch out for me, Pansy wouldn't have to get worked up every time I'm in a bad mood, mother could move on without the constant reminder of how much I've failed her. Granger could fall in love with someone who can and will give her the world.
The itch is bad tonight but I have to wait till Theos asleep.
YOU ARE READING
From the Desk of Draco Malfoy
FanfictionThere's two sides to every story, and my side sucks. *Companion piece to my story Stillness. Will not make sense unless you read them together. Each chapter corresponds with the same chapter in Stillness and is a peak into Draco's mind*
