All My Courageous Lies

Scared Lies and Late Chats

I woke up the next morning on top of my covers, still dressed in the skinny jeans and hoodie Ayden had dropped me off in. I felt so heavy as I tried to sit up and recall the night before. I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept that deeply. I reached for my phone to find the time. But instead, I landed on a load of messages -- some from Marie, some from Nikki, and one from Ayden.

    'Your keys are in the plant pot on your porch. I hope we parked it in the right spot.'

    I was surprised to say the least. I hadn't even thought about how I was going to get my car back, or how my parents would've reacted to it missing. Then, I remembered what I was hiding in there. I jumped up to check, worried about how he would react if he found them.

10:03 on a Saturday morning. That meant the parents were out with the kids bowling. I raced down the stairs and out the front door, happy to find my car in its normal home. I half jogged, barefoot on the concrete to my passenger door.

They were still there, hiding peacefully in the upper sunglasses compartment. I sighed relieved, but also feeling a pang of guilt come over me. He was such a good friend — protecting me, taking care of me in ways he couldn't have fully understood — and here I was keeping stupid secrets from him. It was ridiculous to have to burn the memories away.

As I walked back to the front door, holding my purse and the cigarette pack tight against my chest, I wondered what else I could do to make those painful memories loosen their grip on me. Hanging out with him seemed like a start...

I locked the car doors, and the house door behind me. After hiding the cigarettes in my bedroom, I looked around in deep thought. With a heavy sigh I decided a shower was probably best. I really did want to get the muck of sweat and sand off of me. But everything felt so heavy. Every time I reached my arms up, or shifted my weight to another side I'd wince. Even the back of my neck felt strained from holding up my head. But still, I tried to feel better. I even put in the effort of wearing the comfiest clothes I owned - a weekend warrior tank, and the softest, baggiest pair of joggers.

I was just about the get to the plethora of text messages on my screen when I heard the front door open and close shut. I groaned, knowing the best thing for me to do was go see them. So I hopped down the stairs, trying to mask my nerves with how tired I felt.

"Hey there, Stranger!" I smiled at her cheeriness. I was relieved she actually seemed happy to see me. I finished walking down the steps to give my parents a hug. It was strange though. It wasn't comforting, but it didn't send my brain into a panic either. It just felt plain and cold - but I knew it wasn't their fault.

"Where were you last night? I figured we'd at least see you for dinner."

"Oh... uhh, when I went to the Espresso Stop, I found out Nikki was having her birthday party last night, a bonfire at the dunes. I figured it'd be a good way to see everyone all at once."

My father gave me a smirk and lead our conversation from the foyer, past the living room, and into the kitchen.

"Aww, so you saved the rest of the weekend for your parents!" he exclaimed sarcastically.

"I sure did, Dad!" I joked along side him. "Besides work tomorrow morning."

"Oh good! Then you can bring home doughnuts for everyone!" I smiled at his sweet banter. It was nice to see he hadn't changed. I just wished I hadn't either. "Isn't our daughter so sweet?"

Momma laughed lightly and put her stuff down. "Well, she'd be sweeter if she told us where she was going and what she was doing now that she's back home. You know that way we know whether or not to leave the door unlocked?" I shrunk at her raised eyebrows and classic mom tone. I remembered it from highschool, her trying to lecture me out of my poor communication skills.