All My Courageous Lies

Crashing at His Place

His bedroom was upstairs, and right next door was the guest room. He said their parents' room was downstairs and they'd made the basement into Turner's room when he graduated. It was strange to sleep over at his house, especially after the night I'd had. Still, as much as I wanted to be alone to break down, Ayden made it easier to not break down at all. He was making sure all of the blankets and things were in order before I laid down. In the mean time, I was stuck sitting on his bed, taking it all in. It was a basic boy's room, clean though. That was different from my brothers' rooms for sure. I looked around at the old posters and trophies that lined his childhood walls. His tv was huge, mounted on the wall across from the length of his bed. He also had a small desk and chair in the corner, though I'd imagine it was rarely used.

However, it was that same chair that he decided to sit on when he came back. He rolled towards the bed, propping his feet up next to me.

"Ew," I whined at him.

"What?! They aren't that bad!" He defended, still swinging his foot in the air around my face.

I laughed, a real laugh, one that I was surprised and happy to hear. And he seemed to feel the same way.

"You're so weird," he chuckled, beaming his bright, perfect smile at me.

I scoffed at his comment and pushed his feet off the bed. We sat there, letting the small chuckles turn into a long silence between the two of us. By the end of it, I was picking at his comforter, letting my mind wander.

"You trust me, don't you, Angel?"

The frayed edges in his voice startled me. I looked up at him again, concerned for his solid, quizzical expression. "Well yeah... Why?" I was afraid to ask.

And the fear only increased when I saw him rise from his computer chair and slowly sit next to me on the bed. I could feel the pressure building up in my chest again. I know him, I trust him. Even after I reassured myself, I couldn't help but hear the fear in the back of my head triple when he took my hands in his. He didn't interlock our fingers, he just held my hand like you would hold a friend's.

He just sat there for a moment, staying close to me, as he watched his own thumb trace small circles on the back of my hand. "Can you please tell me what's going on?"

My mouth was stuck open in surprise, and my sight went blurry. It was a whole minute before he spoke again, pulling me from my blank study of the ground behind him. "I know something's wrong. And you know me, I'd rather deal in silence too. But... you'd never let me." He tried a light chuckle, but his forced smile fell when he didn't get a response. My mind was rushing too fast to speak out loud. "But ... now I'm worried I'm making it worse? Or... that maybe- Maybe I have something to do with it...?"

"You didn't do anything wrong-" The words rushed out of me in a concerned and protective tone.

"Well-" he snapped. It sounded desperate, but he couldn't finish. He looked down and cleared his throat before looking back up at me. "Why else would... that smell ... trigger that?! I mean, the only other person you've been around that smokes is Gavin. And as much as I would love to beat the shit out of that guy, you didn't react like that when you left for college. So."

My jaw was wired shut. I was panicking. I thought I'd hidden all those thoughts and feelings better. I felt so bad that I had let him worry so much. No wonder he was so attached.

"Wait. Is that why you're never going back? Did something happen while you were gone?" He was smarter than I subconsciously gave him credit for. I could see all the wheels turning in his head. He knew me too well to fall for any copout I could come up with. He knew Ashley inside and out. He'd figure it out eventually...