The Beast

The Beast (26)

I could hear a faint, deep humming in the background.

The tune was something I couldn't quite pinpoint yet I found myself feeling as though I've heard it somewhere before. The voice was low.... And deep but it made the tune seem all the more tangible, more real to me.

I know I've felt this feeling before.

But where? When?

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"Hey mama..." I called out, shielding my eyes from the harsh rays of the sun by using my small, chubby hands to block them out from my eyes. The concrete pavement crunched under our feet as the speeding cars quickly passed by us. It was summer, and everything was warm and bustling about.

Mom's hand immediately tightened around mine in response, and when I looked up at her, her face lit up in a wide smile. Her smile rivaled the sun and I couldn't help but stare in awe.

She was absolutely beautiful...

"Where are we going mama?"I asked innocently once I had completely grabbed her full attention. Somehow, her grin widened, taking on a slightly mischievous look.

"Would you really like mama to tell you? What if I don't want to?" She teased, pouting her lips to add effect. Me, being a kid, instantly bought her act and gave a huff of my own as well.

"Of course you want to mama. You want to tell me everything! Because mama's so smart and you want me to learn right mama?"

I could remember her smile at my somewhat clueless question. But what I didn't realize then was the pain that reflected deep within her warm eyes. The hurt, the pain, the frustration.

And, realizing it now, why were those emotions coming from her?

She came to a stop, and I followed quickly, staring questioningly at her abrupt actions. She crouched down to my level, placing her dainty hands on my shoulders. Her bright orange hair fluttered gently in the light breeze that caressed us when a car on the road beside us sped past.

Her lips trembled, straining to keep the smile on her face despite the inner turmoil within her. I could see it, but I had not understood it then.

"Of course, honey. I want you to know everything. And I want you to see more, experience more, know more... God, I'm a horrible mother." She suddenly cried out in absolute frustration, the tears streaming relentlessly down her pale face. My heart was pounding and I didn't like it one bit when mother cried.

It hurt... Mommy was too amazing to cry.

Struggling to hold back my tears, I held my chin up so I could at least try to be strong for her. I will be strong for her.

I gently wiped the tears from her face, revisiting the urge to cringe at every sob that tore through her lips. "Mommy, mommy... Don't cry mommy."

I wrapped my tiny arms around her,giving her whatever comfort my little body could provide. If possible, she only sobbed harder but didn't resist and hugged me back just as tight.

"Mommy is never horrible. Mommy is perfect. Like a queen! Yes... Mommy's the prettiest queen in the whole wide world! So don't cry mommy. It hurts..." I ended in a soft whisper, not quite having the courage I had a few moments ago.

A light chuckle bubbled from her lips and she pulled back, wiping the tears from her eyes. She was laughing and I smiled, glad that mommy was smiling again.