I've Changed

17. he has no idea

Jae's pov

I quickly collected my belongings and dashed out of the locker room to find Ellie. I know I can't give up, even though she made it clear that I should leave her alone. I told her I'd show her, which means I'm not going to give up even though she drags me away; instead, I'm going to fight harder before she knows I'm not leaving.

"Hey," I say as I enter the treatment room, my gaze scanning the area for her.

Ashley approaches me, arms full of tape and equipment, and says, "She's not here."

"How do you-"

"She just left," she winks, nudging her head to exit.

"Thank you," I say as I rush out of the room and down the department's halls. My eyes dart back and forth across the halls, looking for her, but as the thought of her already leaving crosses my mind, my gaze settles on her disappearing figure nearing the parking lot. I force open the doors, unconcerned about cracking the bolts or shattering the glass. Before I meet her, I run in the cold wind, which blasts past my face.

Because of the cold, I could see the air as I breathed out, "Ellie." Ellie comes to a halt in front of the parking lot, her bag slung over her shoulders and her hair flowing down her back.

"What do you want Jae? Can you-" she takes a deep breath and turns her body away from me, her voice cracking. I approach her slowly, gently touching her shoulder to keep her from walking away. "Can you leave me alone."

"Hey," I say quietly as I move in front of her, noting her puffy eyes and flushed cheeks in the dim light. As I run my thumb back and forth over her cheeks, I feel them burn under my fingertips. She closes her eyes and a tear falls down her face, which I wipe away for her and the others that will follow.

"Jae, I can't do this right now please," she mumbles, lowering her head to make it harder for me to see her. I raise her head, my hands on each of her cheeks, and look into her brown eyes, which are difficult to see in the dim light of the night.

"You don't have to tell me anything, but you do have to let it out," I draw her closer to me, encircling her shoulders with my arms and rubbing her back for warmth. She tensely pushes herself away from me in my embrace, but I pull her in closer, keeping her in my arms. She eventually places her head on my chest and begins to weep, while I continue to rub her back for comfort.

"Come," I say softly in her ear as I lead her to a nearby bench. I pull her to my side and sit both of us down, while she continues to sob into her hands, frantically wiping the tears away.

"Let it out Ellie, it's okay," I say as I hold her in my arms. She continues to express her feelings as I console her and hold her in my embrace for as long as she needs. I notice her playing with her hands, bouncing her leg up and down like she used to, and simply looking around the empty campus until her tears have turned into deep breaths.

As we sit in the dark, with subtle city sounds in the background, a few lights from buildings and street lights illuminating the darkness, and the sound of her breaths returning to normal, I sweep her hair to her side, not letting it get in her way.

"I told you to leave...why didn't you?" She breaks the silence, looking up at the stars.

"I could never find myself to leave, no matter how many times you told me to," I confess as I continue to stroke her shoulder. "I gave up too quickly the first time, and I'm not going to do it again."

I turn to face her, finding that she is already staring at me through her swollen, red eyes. My heart breaks as I watch her keep so much pain inside and refuse to let it out. Her brown eyes, swollen cheeks, and slight freckles peeking through the redness are all things I notice.