Odigía (Keith Kogane x Reader)

A New Language

The war was over. It was all over. Not to say that the termination of an intergalactic war, constant heartbreak and mental deterioration wasn't a good thing, but Keith was beginning to lose his mind.

Everyone around him had since moved on from the war. Lance and Pidge had their families, Shiro had a new husband, Hunk had a passion to pursue and Allura was gone. Keith, however, didn't have much to his name or many bright lights seemingly shining on the horizon which was his future.

He had his mom, but she was always somewhere across the universe on her own missions. Not only that, but he also had a vocation which he actually quite enjoyed: facilitating a humanitarian organization of sorts to rebuild all of the devastated planets. He was always on the run and still getting into trouble here in there, something which he lived for.

Despite having all of these small pieces which made up who he currently was, he had a sort of persistent emptiness in his chest. Unalike his friends, there was no one out there that he was close with on a daily basis. No one was there to be at his side or to listen to him when he felt like his mind was crumbling away. Never in a million years or under any form of torture would he admit it, but Keith found his bedsheets soaked with tears each night before he finally passed out from exhaustion. All around him, he saw happy people who were relieved to have the war ended. All around him, people were rebuilding their lives, eating regular meals and sleeping through the night. Each of those people had friends, family and loved ones they relied on. Keith was on his own.

Here he was, awake at 4 a.m. earth time, staring out the window of his cold, barren supply ship. His knees curled to his chest desperately trying to keep the last bit of remaining warmth harboured in his lungs trapped inside of himself. Each breath he let out felt like his chest might just cave in and completely collapse his airways.

The dark haired boy was, and always had been, aware that he wasn't the most agreeable person. Nor was he at the top of anyone's list for being a close friend. He wan't anyones first choice. However, it was all he had ever wanted. It was the one thing he didn't have. Each time he got to see Shiro and how happy he was to be with Curtis, it tore at him.

Was he really that awful of a person? So un-agreeable and repulsive?

Shiro had always used to say "the day will come, Keith. You'll know it because you'll feel it. But, for now, be patient."

Keith could still feel that small epicentre of warmth over his heart where Shiro had once tapped his finger. Shiro always told him it would just take the right person—one with unwavering patience, understanding and a past alike to his own. Someone who would stand there like a statue while Keith unloaded his hatred for the world into the air and then later tried to help him see it fall from a new perspective. Since he met him, Shiro knew Keith would have a difficult time finding someone who would love him for each and every one of his faults. Someone who would love him even as he continues to make mistakes in his future years. All of this, however, didn't make Keith undeserving of having someone who cared just as much about him as he did for them. Keith would, undoubtably as Shiro knew, make just about the best partner to a very lucky person. Though, Keith required a very specific kind of person. One who wasn't easy to find.

What made it all even more confusing and difficult was how Keith felt about relationships. He wanted desperately to be someones first choice. He yearned for a person in his life who he could rely on. He wanted to be someones person just as much as he wanted for someone to be his. To share his life with someone he trusted, to share in his ventures, to simply have someone he was comfortable around. That was all he wanted. A best friend who maybe meant a little more.

When Keith thought about the general concept of a relationship, he didn't like it. And never in his life had he completely understood or related to being attracted to someone. His friends had thrown around the terms asexual, aromantic, demisexual. Out of everything, he'd relate to those terms the most but still wasn't sure. All he knew was that his idea of what he wanted in a partner, for lack of a better term, didn't fit the norm. It was frustrating and confusing. So much so, he'd left it untouched for many years. It constantly weighted on his mind, but he tried to push it away. How could he yearn so much for someone in his life but not in the way most other people did? It just didn't make sense.