Murders Of The Past

SIX

THE BELL RINGS and I shake my head, spinning around and stumbling over to my corner, taking a seat on the floor of the ring, too exhausted to stand. Where the hell is he? He used to always be here. He would watch, give me some pointers, give me water, hold my jacket. Since he's not here I had to keep my jacket on- well alright, I guess I didn't have to keep it on, but there was no way I was going to set my baby on the floor! Maybe that's why I'm sweating so much. That or I am just really out of shape. I look down at my stomach, taking a deep breath. Probably both.

  "Sadie!" My head snaps up and suddenly I'm on my feet, facing my opponent and in my stance. How did this happen? I didn't tell my body to do this. I smile proudly. I guess it's just that second instinct.

  My opponent throws a punch that hits me in the face, sending me down. Well, that was sad. I begin to rise to my feet again but hear my name, making me freeze.

  "Sadie! What are you doing?" I roll onto my back and see Adam standing on the other side of the ropes, gawking at me.

  "I'm living!" I shout, pushing myself up to my feet. " And fighting!" I begin bouncing, glaring at the girl in front of me, then shoot my fists out to do a combination. She brings her hands up to cover her face, so I swing my leg out and sweep her feet out from under her. I raise my arms into the sky, jumping.

  "Whoo! One point for this girl!" I point to myself with my thumbs.

  "You are insane!" Suddenly, Adam is standing in front of me. When did he get in here? He grabs my wrapped hands and drags me out of the ring.

  "Adam!" I whine, trying to hold back. He stops when we get to the bar and turns to me. "I wasn't finished!"

  "No Sadie, you were finished ten years ago!" He roars in my face and I scowl at him. "What is wrong with you?" He shakes his head at me and I look away, my eyes softening. "What's gotten into you? Are you trying to get yourself killed? You know you can't just go fight after years without training! Do you have a death wish?" I sigh, looking at him impatiently. Ay caramba, he's not done! "Did you hit your head or something? Who told you that you're still a teenager? What is going on up there? Anything?" He takes a deep breath and I blink at him.

  "Are you done?"

  "Um, yeah." He nods. I open my mouth to speak but he speaks first. Liar. "Are you wearing your Viper's jacket? Why are you wearing that? I thought you put that life behind you. Are you okay?" He looks at me for an answer. I slowly shake my head, taking a seat on a stool.

  "I lost it."

  "Lost what?" Adam takes a seat next to me.

  "My mind," I shrug. "Myself." I look at him. "Getting married, having kids... it just changes you, you know?" I rest my arm on the counter, drumming my fingers on the wood. "Sometimes I look in the mirror and I wonder, 'Who the hell is that'?" I let out a humorless chuckle. "I've lost myself, Adam." I wave at the bartender. "Gimlet," I request and he walks the other way after nodding.

  "Yourself isn't all you've lost." I look at Adam who's dabbing a cut on my face with a napkin. "You also lost some blood." I roll my eyes, pushing his hand away.

  "You're not even listening." I sigh, taking the drink from the bartender.

  "Sorry. You were saying?" I glance at him before taking a sip of my drink. "Forget it. I should go home before Carlos realizes I'm gone." I set my drink down and stand up, starting to walk away.

  "No, wait, Sadie!" I stop and groan, tilting my head back.

  "I don't even want to go home!" I groan.

  "What's going on?"

  "I miss my old life!" I blurt out. "I miss being irresponsible! I miss breaking rules! I miss fighting! I miss bossing people around!" I spin around to face Adam. "Do you know what I spend my days doing?" I don't wait for him to guess. "I take long bubble baths. I sit on the couch watching TV and drinking wine! I clean! Do you know how many times I've gone through my entire house and cleaned every single room this month? More than necessary!" I freeze and gasp. "More than necessary?" I ask myself. "Do you hear me right now? I think cleaning is necessary!" I spin around and take off running.

  I push the doors open, feeling the wind wrap around me like a giant, freezing hug. But despite how cold it is, it actually feels nice. I hear the door open as I cross my arms and look up at the starry sky.

  "But you grew up. We all did." I shake my head, puffing out air.

  "But I don't want to be a grown up. I want to be a teenager again. I want to break the rules."

  "Why? You want to have to look over your shoulder all the time, watching for someone trying to kill you?" I turn my head and look at Adam, silently nodding. He scoffs. "You're crazy." I smile sadly.

  "I missed that too."

  "What?"

  "Being called crazy." I look up into the sky again. "You know what!" I drop down to the ground, laying on my back.

  "What are you doing?"

  "Being crazy." I close my eyes. "I'm going to sleep here tonight." I hear Adam laugh.

  "No you're not."

  "Yes I am." I get more comfortable. "Here I go. Off to sleepy town." I yawn.

  "Sadie, this is ridiculous."

  "Can't hear you, my dreams are talking to me."

  "You are not sleeping outside of a club. Sadie? Sadie? Oh my gosh." Sadie out.