Murders Of The Past

THIRTY-ONE

A WARM HAND slips into mine and I look up. Adam gives me a small, sad smile. I don't even try to return it, what's the point. Julie walks up behind him and spreads her arms out, struggling to hold back tears. I fall into her arms, my lips quivering as I bury my head into her shoulder. Her hug is warm and tight, but I find myself hating it because it's nowhere near what his hugs felt like.

"It's not your fault," she whispers to me. I lift my head and nod.

"Yes it was," I squeak.

"No, it was not."

"I brought him into this mess, it's my-- "

"Sadie." I look at Carlos, shutting my mouth when I realize no matter how many times I argue they're going to deny it.

"Why did this happen?" Tears leak from my eyes again as I fall into Adam's arms this time.

"Shh." Adam rocks me side to side, stroking my hair.

"I want to wake up!" I choke out. Julie rubs my shoulder.

"Sweetheart." Adam lets go of me so I can turn around and hug my dad.

"He's gone!" I cry out, my legs giving out beneath me but he holds me up, squeezing me because there are no words left to say.

"Sadie." Adam says and I look at him.

With wretched eyes he says, "it's time." Another tear slides from my eye as they gather around me, holding my hands, and guide me towards the front where a brown wooden box waits for me. I can't do this.

Halfway there my legs go weak and I fall to the ground, curling up into a ball and sobbing into my knees, begging myself to wake up from this nightmare. He can't be gone.

"Sadie."

"No!" I shake my head. If I go up there, and see him, then this will all be real.

"Sadie, we have to," Julie says, crouching down beside me.

"This is your last chance to say goodbye."

"I'm not saying goodbye!" I wail, coughing and hiccupping. "I'm not!"

"Sadie." Dad grabs me and pulls me to my feet. "You can do this."

"No I can't!" I begin to fall to the floor again, hitting my head.

I wince, opening my eyes and rubbing the back of my head, looking around. Where am I?

"Caroline?" I look up and watch Wesley walk towards me. "You okay?" I blink at him, noticing the tears in my eyes and wiping them away.

"What are we doing?" I ask him, unsure of what's real and what's not.

Wesley sits down in the chair between me and a sleeping Julie.

"We're waiting," he tells me before looking around at the others. "And they're sleeping." He looks back to me, holding up a cup of coffee. "Do you want some?" I shake my head.

"I don't even want wine." He laughs, but it's a sad laugh, with a sad smile. I look down at my hands, sitting up in the chair. "Have they said anything?"

"Not that I know of. And, if all of you were asleep while I was gone, then probably not."

"Why won't they tell us how he is?" I blurt out.

"I don't know."

"If they don't tell you..." I shake my head. "Doesn't that mean..."

"He's going to be okay."

"How do you know?" I croak, looking into his eyes.

"I don't, but I'm sure he is-- " I fall onto his lap, biting my lip trying to hold back tears. I can't stop crying!

"Caroline-- "

"It's Sadie!" I shout. "My name is Sadie!" Tears slide down my face. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for lying!"

"It's okay," he quickly says, rubbing my back.

"It is not okay!" I shake my head. "Nothing is okay!"

"Sadie?" My cries are cut short and I open my eyes, sitting up and looking to my right, blinking to see past the tears a man in a hospital gown, bandages over cuts that seem to be everywhere, and bright blue eyes staring at me.

I jump to my feet and race towards the man, jumping onto him and hugging him as if I let go he'd be gone.

"Are you real?" I cry out. It takes a minute for him to recover, but once he does he wraps his arms around me and holds me up.

"Yeah, I'm real." I lift my head to look at him, smiling as more tears leave my eyes and kiss his face. "Ow, Sadie-- "

"I thought I was gonna lose you!" I wrap my arms around his neck again.

"You didn't, I'm right here-- "

"I am so sorry!"

"For what?"

"Everything! For being a terrible wife, a terrible mother, just a terrible person. I'm sorry for lying and saying the things I said, I'm sorry for you almost dying! I'm so sorry for everything!"

"Sadie-- "

"I'm so sorry!"

"Sadie, it's-- "

"I'm sorry!"

"Sadie!" I look at him. "It is okay." He tells me, and the gentle smile he gives me tells me he means it. I nod, pecking his lips and hugging him again. "I love you."

"I love you too," he laughs.

"Sadie." Carlos sets me down on my feet but I stay clinging onto him, turning my head to look at Julie, Sam, Adam, Vivian, Dylan, and Wesley.

"Now that we're face-to-face," Adam starts, "we need to talk."

"Shut up." I face Carlos again, hiding my face in his chest. "I just found out my husband isn't dead, give me a minute."