Jikook: Marriage of Convenience

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His excitement overtook his pain and fear. "Look, baby, look. She's here! She's so beautiful. I already love her. And I love you." He glanced at his husband, expecting to see the most beautiful smile he's ever seen, but to his horror, his husband's face is filled with sadness, he's crying and screaming, but he can barely hear his voice, it sounded like when someone talks to you underwater. "Baby?! Kook? What's wrong?!" His voice sounding desperate, panic spreading through his body, he tries to reach out for Jungkook's arm to calm him down, but his hand vanishes right through Jungkook's arm. Jimin starts to shake, not understanding what was going on. One minute he was watching his daughter be brought into the world, holding Jungkook and Jin's hands, then he felt a sharp pain in his chest, he only thought it was overwhelming love for his baby and husband. He couldn't have been more wrong.

A bright light shone in Jimin's face blinding him momentarily while he was swept away from his family. Just like in the movies, shows and books he stood in a white room. There was a table with a tea set and it looked as though the water pot was warm. Jimin however, wasn't interested in the tea or anything else in this room. He started to panic more when he couldn't find a door. Was he in hell he wondered since it seemed like there was no escape. He was yelling to whoever put him here to let him out so he could go back to his husband and newborn baby girl. His throat became strained and now his yells became whispers. He slowly slid down the white wall and cried. He kept thinking of how he wouldn't be able to see his baby girl grow up or hear Jungkook tell him how much he loves his little husband.

Jimin's head rested on his knees as he silently cried believing he was in his own hell. He missed Jungkook and their baby. He didn't even get the chance to hold her, talk to her or even name her. The universe didn't seem to be on Jimin's side, he concluded. Still crying silently trying to understand why him? What had he done wrong to end up here? Amongst the sniffles and tears he started to hear a hum, it started as a low male sound and very familiar (remember Jungkook is humming their daughter to sleep), but it suddenly turned into a higher pitch hum, one wall of the room created a doorway; Jimin was stunned, 'why didn't it make a door for me?' He wondered. A figure came into view, usually Jimin would peer in fear of the unknown but now he only wanted to know how he could return to his family.

The figure came closer to Jimin, now he could see more clearly when the entity came closer, he smelled jasmine and mint, like the tea brewing. It reminded him of someone so special to him, "할머니? (Grandmother) is that you?" The blurriness of the figure came into full view for him. It was his grandmother, though now he was truly convinced he was dead since she had passed away over 5 years prior. "So I am dead." Jimin surmised to gain affirmation from the figure before him.

"My little one, is that what you want? To deny a second chance at life and love?" The figure spoke, the words falling on confused ears, but still picked up on the voice of his deceased grandmother.
"Halmeoni, I want to go back to my husband and daughter." "Oh my Jiminie, then what's keeping you here?"

She stood up and took Jimin's hand into her own, they started walking through a hallway that had screens showing Jimin's life. Some scenes were funny, his grandmother commented on some of the scenes, others she turned her head saying "oh my," while Jimin's cheeks turned red. These were the scenes of he and Jungkook, all the times they had sex and when they finally made love. Jimin's eyes had tears in them as he literally strolled down memory lane. The next two scenes were from the hospital, he saw himself giving birth to his and Jungkook's daughter. He smiled as he finally saw her face. She was beautiful beyond words. His grandmother stopped too, "so this is my great granddaughter? She's very beautiful, like you were," smiles down at Jimin. "But tell me sweetie, why aren't you there with her?"

"Because.... aren't I dead? Didn't I die because I'm not good enough to even stay alive to raise her!" His voice got louder as he continued, "obviously this is just someone's sick joke to think I could be a good parent for her or a good enough partner for Jungkook!" Tears are streaming down Jimin's face as he yells out his insecurities to his grandmother. "I'm never good enough. Never enough to fight for, never enough..." he sinks to his knees, "I don't deserve them," he admits.