My Arabella - An Alex Turner Fanfic

Chapter 29

This chapter contains mature content, including explicit and suggestive language.

Arabella

I was heartbroken and completely broke. All the memories flooding trough me pile and piece together.  All the air seemed to be sucked out of the small room and I found myself almost gasping for air as the reality of all of this sets in. Although I had a clue, one time we were at our regular pub drinking our coffee and he kept hiding from something or someone but I kept thinking that is just me and he doesn't like to be seen with me or something. I admit I was paranoid and I wanted to slap his redden cheeks and make blood come out of them. But I settled down just when Kyle and Miles walked in the pub laughing.  I instantly felt relieved and forgot about it. I have never felt this way, this ia worse than I had ever imagined.
My hand wrapped in my hair and I tugged it.

"Love say something,  please" he told me. "I can't stand the silence even though I know you-"

"Don't you fucking dare, Alexander!" I snapp. "Don't you fucking dare open that filthy mouth of yours you scumbag! " I almost cried.

"I am sorry" he told me quietly.  "Forgive me?"  He smiled at me.

"Forgive  you?!" I laughed. "How can I forgive you, you almost destroyed me that night Alexander!" A real laugh came out of my mouth and despite my tears I found myself laughing. I was losing my mind. I was crying,  pulling at my own hair, and barely able to control my emotions and form a full sentence. "I have nothing to forgive, Alex. You completely broke me and I can't figure a way to forgive you. You just don't deserve it, I gave it to you so many times that you are now sure that there is an actual way out. Guess what, there's none. I can't seem to fucking walk past over all the shit you have done to me and act like it's fine, like shit happens. I can't, Alexander. I'm tired and I want it all to be over already, and I shall continue my horrible life in peace and especially without you" I gasped. "I swear to God you are my biggest mistake I ever done, you are the biggest loser for trying to get me by telling someone to fucking rape me and you boom, appear and save the fucking day!" I took a deep breath and wiped my tears away. I was sinking in my own lake of tears just when I was about to finish with my undying speech. "Please, just stay away from me Alexander, from now on I wan't nothing do to with you. I gave you all I had, I gave you my fucking body and soul, my heart, my love even though you did now know it. I gave you my everything and it came back running to me everytime. Like you. You were my everything Alexander, you were my happiness in these few weeks we spent together, you were all I saw. But now, even my sight is getting blurry just by looking at your face." I ended. I did not regret a thing about what I said. I wanted it to be over.

"Arabella..." he whispered coming my way. I stepped back and hit the bedroom door. 

I leaned on the door letting myself fall down like a tear. I can't do this anymore, I can't be everyone's toy anymore. I want this to be all over. I simply can't.  

"Don't" I growled at him. "Just don't, just stop Alex. I can't" I whispered at him, while I gasped for air.

A dreadful pain ached my chest. It was like ten knives were inserted in my chest all at once and I lost all the small air I had. With a hand on my chest and one on the floor I pushed myself up leaning again on the door. My eyesight became blurry and I was completely losing control over my body. I stumbled on my own feet and gladly fell on the bed letting out a painful whimper. With slow moves I stood up next to him, looking at his eyes. He met mine's and we gazed at eachother for a few seconds which seemed like ages. I couldn't even look at his face anymore, I could barely stand on my own feet and I was disgusted. Disgusted of him and what has he done to me, disgusted of me and what I've became, disgusted of everything.